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The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 5:21:09 PM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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i finally saw "The Secretary" last night and have a few questions.

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

candystripper

Post #: 1

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 5:43:44 PM

JohnWarren

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i finally saw "The Secretary" last night and have a few questions.

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

I think the dominance was hidden by insecurity that a lot of dominant people feel. He may have feared the need to control because he didn't know where that road goes. I know that was my problem in the early days.

quote:

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

That and purple and even yellow. It takes work and the ability to ignore one's own pain, but it can be done.

quote:

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

It was good for the vanilla market where it was aimed. If it were more satisfying to us, it might have scared off the majority audience.

I did find her expressions to be a major turn on because I recognized them from seeing them on other turned on submissives.

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Post #: 2

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 6:31:56 PM

RosaB

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Joined: 1/10/2005
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i finally saw "The Secretary" last night and have a few questions.

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

----------------------------------------------------

I Thought Spader appeared dominant and sadistic in his roll. But not a Dom which is a completely different beast.

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

----------------------------------------------------
Yes

. And it does sting ones own hand a bit.

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

----------------------------------------------------

I found certain aspects of the movie disquieting. Especially the fact that Spader's character could so callously discard, Gyllenhaal's character towards the end. That part bothered me. But, there were aspects and some very delicious moments in the film that made it worth watching.

< Message edited by RosaB -- 12/12/2005 6:37:16 PM >

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 3

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 6:53:00 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

I think he was both, but closeted.

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

Oh yeah :)

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

I didn't like the movie, frankly. I think it showed the unhealthy ways bdsm relatiosnhips with self-injurious masochists -can- go, and it scared me coming from the perspective of a self-harmer.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 7:12:16 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
i finally saw "The Secretary" last night and have a few questions.

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

candystripper

1. He was sadistic as well as dominant though he had not realized the full meaning of either.

I agree with Mr. Warren about the presence of insecurity & most likely lack of confidence. You notice in the movie he followed a pattern with these women, he would get close, but pull back completely & shut them out. I feel this character felt fear because he did not understand how his actions embodied his feelings. This character did not seem to be aware that these feelings were quite normal for him even though not common for many.

I love how Maggie Gyllenhaal eh-hem

took 'control' & forced him to realize his true self. She in effect made an ultimate statement of her submission & surrender by doing so because she not only sought out to fulfill her own need... she made sure her actions were in his best interest as well.

2. yes & that goes for men as well. I know I have given a hand spanking & there was still marks 2 weeks + after... yes my hand hurt for a few days & I bruised the heel of my hand as well ** BUT IT WAS WORTH IT**

3. the movie was a good eye opener for a vanilla crowd. What good is it for all of us to go through life fearful of our own selves like this character played by Spader?

Just the knowledge that there was just one other person out there that thinks & feels like I do was the greatest relief I had ever felt. To know that I am not alone nor a freak or an awful person. I can imagine that many people that may have been living in the closet may have had the courage to venture out a bit once they saw this movie... quite like the 100's of thousands of people who have done so since stumbling open mentions of this & images of this from online.

I for one wish they were more tasteful representations of dominance & submission portrayed in this manner. Most often this way of life is played out in spoofs of comedy or as despicable acts of hatred & torture.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 5

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 7:58:28 PM

MsIncognito

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Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I didn't see the movie so I can't comment on your other questions but I can attest to the fact that you can indeed turn a woman black and blue with your hand. I've had it done to me many times. Once I ended up with a perfect handprint on my behind from about 6 or 7 well placed smacks. Stung like hell but even I was shocked when I saw the print the next morning. One Dom I was involved with had hands like canoe paddles. I always joked that the worst toy in his toybag was his hands. I lost cound of the number of times he used his hands to leave marks that lasted for anywhere from a few days to more than a week.

However, my favourite was the time that my ass turned a Dom's hands black and blue. That was hilarious. He even let me take a picture. I swear I lose more Doms that way

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 6

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 8:33:29 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

As i was reading your question, i had my answer forming, then read JohnWarren's response, and other agreeing with it. And boom! There it was. But i am putting in my essay, anyway.

From the start, to me, Mr. Grey was fighting his innate urges. Probably, every time he had moved in that direction with a woman, he had scared them off. Well, with the case of the ex that stomped on his coat, she may have turned the tables.

i mean, think about it. He is a professional, he has a pull towards a certain type of woman, and if he were to take advantage of their vulnerability, he is a monster. Every time he was exercising, it was just after a very very strong urge to dominate Lee or another woman.

Lee felt release in physical pain, but blossomed under the stability and structure of submitting. Grey dominated her from the start. He did not act sadistically, except to give her the release she needed, after instructing her never to cut herself again. It is not sadistic to tell her to walk home, how to dress, what to eat, or to do things for herself, it is dominant. i think that when he let himself out of the closet he shamed himself into, he adapted to the type of dominance Lee needed.

quote:

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

i might not be able to turn a woman black and blue with my hand, but my Master sure as heck can. He did say just now to add that it does cause One's hand to sting a lot, though.

quote:

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

For me? Major turn on. Except that she had to have this disturbed upbringing in order to find her way into this world. i mean, there is definitely a vulnerability to her, and i like how the rest of the world, family, boyfriend, friends are all kind of stuck in a twisted bakelite/Sears in the 60's world, while the normalcy and stability are in the den of the Big Bad Wolf. The twist is satisfactory, i just see many reviews focusing on the fact that she is a former mental patient who falls into a SadoMasochistic relationship with her mysterious boss. Aren't we all?!?!? Maybe they didn't watch the whole thing.

i have seen this movie quite a few times, if you haven't guessed. *l* i just really like how it HAS to be written by a submissive, but seems to understand that Dominants have a path of their own to get to where they can be happy. It was so freeing for Lee to discover herself. Everytime Grey got a glimpse of himself, he tried to fight it off. He was so into control, perfection, image, etc. Notice, his breakdown before firing her was not because he gave in to lust, but because of the mess it made, the evidence of what he considered his weakness.

Anywhoooooo, it gave me a lot of insight as to why a certain person held back with me. And what exactly it was i exhaled, the first time i was really bound so i could not escape.

And the song at the end? "Chariots Rise" by Lizzie West is the song i sing for my Master at the top of my lungs on long drives, and in the shower.

And one other thing, if your Dom/me has ever seen it, and has a sense of humor, you can try to explain yourself, sometimes, as having had a "worm in the letter moment." those are very real.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 7

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 10:34:16 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I for one wish they were more tasteful representations of dominance & submission portrayed in this manner. Most often this way of life is played out in spoofs of comedy or as despicable acts of hatred & torture.

MstrssPassion

Seems to me the series of movies known as "The Red Shoe Diaries" had some BDSM elements; i could be wrong. it's been awhile. i do remember the movies were HOT, LMAO.

candystripper

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 8

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/12/2005 11:29:42 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

yeah the red shoe diaries were hot. The secretary was funny.. kind of odd.. but if your in the mood for a sorta bdsm movie and you're looking through the movie channels.. it does well. But definetly not satisfing. Personally i disliked how he kept running away

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 12/12/2005 11:30:16 PM >

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 9

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 12:00:29 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

i really disliked that movie..i didnt watch it all the way through the first time, i couldn't i got so mad. Why i got mad was it seemed to say to be involved in this kinda relationship you had to be psychotic which both the supposed subbie and dom were in this movie.

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 10

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 5:16:47 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanita
And one other thing, if your Dom/me has ever seen it, and has a sense of humor, you can try to explain yourself, sometimes, as having had a "worm in the letter moment." those are very real

We get asked a lot "Things are slowing down. How do I get his attention?" and our stock response is "Sometimes you clean up the cockroach; sometimes you leave it on the bed."

Of course, then we explain to those who haven't seen the movie.

BTW: Netflix has it.

< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 12/13/2005 5:17:16 AM >

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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Post #: 11

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 9:24:43 AM

KatyLied

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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This movie didn't do a lot for me. I enjoyed parts of it, but some of it was too over the top.
I want to write an essay for a Dom and have it corrected with a red sharpie.

_____________________________

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- Albert Einstein

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Post #: 12

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 9:55:26 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

i finally saw "The Secretary" last night and have a few questions.

1. Would you agree James Spader's character was sadistic, but not dominant?

2. Can you really turn a woman black & blue with just your hand?

3. It was an ok movie but not a major turn on...anyone else feel this way?

I love that movie! I first saw it a few years ago when it came out.

1. He was definitely sadistic, and certainly dominant. But I agree with John, he did seem more than a mite insecure.

2. Most definitely.

3. It turned me on. You could really feel the mind fuck and the intense attraction going on between the characters.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 13

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 5:06:16 PM

sub4hire

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

i really disliked that movie..i didnt watch it all the way through the first time, i couldn't i got so mad. Why i got mad was it seemed to say to be involved in this kinda relationship you had to be psychotic which both the supposed subbie and dom were in this movie.

I was wondering if anyone was going to say what the movie actually was like. IF anyone got it at all.

There have been many threads about this movie in the past. I still say it was a disservice to our community.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 14

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 5:13:40 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

I was wondering if anyone was going to say what the movie actually was like. IF anyone got it at all.

There have been many threads about this movie in the past. I still say it was a disservice to our community.

I can see why you would say that, but I tend to disagree. Is it realistic? No. Is it accurate? No. Would most vanilla people understand it even if it was realistic and accurate? Most probably not. Is it fun? Yes, to me at least. That's why it's just a movie, made to entertain the masses. Keep in mind that if someone views that movie in a negative light for the lifestyle qualities it portrays, they are most likely still going to view it negatively if it's dead on. Ah well, a movie would be hard pressed to get anything exactly right, especially with something as diverse as BDSM.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 15

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 6:00:35 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain

quote:

I was wondering if anyone was going to say what the movie actually was like. IF anyone got it at all.

There have been many threads about this movie in the past. I still say it was a disservice to our community.

I can see why you would say that, but I tend to disagree. Is it realistic? No. Is it accurate? No. Would most vanilla people understand it even if it was realistic and accurate? Most probably not. Is it fun? Yes, to me at least. That's why it's just a movie, made to entertain the masses. Keep in mind that if someone views that movie in a negative light for the lifestyle qualities it portrays, they are most likely still going to view it negatively if it's dead on. Ah well, a movie would be hard pressed to get anything exactly right, especially with something as diverse as BDSM.

Once again, i agree with you, NOMC! *l*

i liked how they made the outside world the epitome of abnormality, while the comfort and security and sanity emanated from the practice of BDSM. However, one did have to get through the rough beginning, where all one can see is Lee trying to fumble through a really warped world in which she is supposed to fit in to be normal.

i think there are a lot of people that can relate to the primary characters in this movie, and maybe, just maybe, they will find confidence in their desires.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 16

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 6:22:22 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
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The secretary was a huge disapointment in my eyes. next to no actuall bdsm, And they portray people who are or was cutters as a lil unstable. I Loved when he told her she wouldn't need it any more and she didn't, but it;s not that easy or direct.

It was hot when he bent her over the desk, but all in a ll a pretty lame representation of D/s

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 17

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 7:01:21 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
There have been many threads about this movie in the past. I still say it was a disservice to our community.

When it comes to vanilla culture perceptions- yeah I don't think it did much good there.

But I don't think it was all bad either.

When it comes to bdsn culture perceptions, I thought it was awesome. They were real people, with real issues. Just like us. While I would like more "normal" kink relationships to be shown, well you don't see normal vanilla relationships in movies either. They are boring.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 18

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 7:07:22 PM

siamsa24

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I liked the movie as a whole. I actually used it as a kind of an introduction for my current partner. I told him there was this new movie out (it was new when we first started dating) and I heard it was really good. He loves movies and agreed. We watched the movie and I gauged his reaction to it. He enjoyed it and I say that as a chance to open up a discussion about what I desired in a relationship. Not perfect, but it worked.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 19

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" - 12/13/2005 7:20:36 PM

peppermint379

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

On the whole, i disliked the movie. My dislike was because the main characters were both rather odd people. However, i do realize that normal doesn't sell, so will at least appreciate that Hollywood tried to make a movie about the lifestyle.

What i loved about the movie was the last 30 seconds. There she is on the porch as he drives away from their home in a normal, everyday neighborhood. At least that part of the movie is very truthful. We don't know what our neighbors do behind their closed doors, and they don't know what we do.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 20

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