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As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 10:16:06 AM

knees2you

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As opposed to being Vanilla,
how do you combine Love, Pain, Caring,Chasity,
Punishment in the Bdsm world?

When I was in the vanilla world none of that really existed.

Now I know that everybody can not live 24/7 in the
Bdsm world, but how do you mix the 2?

Always, knees

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 10:29:13 AM

celticlord2112

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quote:

Now I know that everybody can not live 24/7 in the
Bdsm world, but how do you mix the 2?

You don't.

Vanilla and BDSM are merely compass points.

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 10:36:31 AM

Beneathhumanity

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In my opinion,it depends merely on yourself and the person you become in a relationship with. Being each submissive and dominant are different, in the end limits should be discussed and communicated, that is why its so important to have a deep amount of trust between one another. Thats why communication is so important, its important that the one submitting and the one dominating thoroughly discuss as much as they can

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 10:37:31 AM

agirl

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There was plenty of love, pain, caring, chastity and punishment in my vanilla relationships, just of a different kind...lol

< Message edited by agirl -- 10/24/2008 10:38:01 AM >

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 10:46:07 AM

manxcat

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What she said!

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 11:47:59 AM

leadership527

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Yup, I'm going to agree with agirl. We had all those things in our vanilla marriage. Granted, before the collar, those pieces were put together differently, but they all still existed.

In addition, we do not seem to compartmentalize the way you are implying. We don't live in the vanilla world or the bdsm world. Last I checked, we live in "THE WORLD" -- you know... earth. As always, out of the 24 hours in each day, some is spent working, some cleaning the house, etc. etc. But all of that stuff doesn't interfere with our life... it is our life. We just go through our lives, living them... sometimes naked and bound... other times with rubber scrub gloves and a can of comet cleanser. We "mix" the two the same way anyone deals with multiple things they want to get done in their lives... we prioritize (OK, I prioritize *laughs*), then we start doing things. The only conflict is the clock.

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 11:56:21 AM

stella41b

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I don't do compartments in my life, it's just well... life. I'm me, in my entirety, without compartments. I'm just a tiny component in this world, one world. This is how I see it. How do I deal with it? I live.

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 12:22:57 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

As opposed to being Vanilla,
how do you combine Love, Pain, Caring,Chasity,
Punishment in the Bdsm world?

When I was in the vanilla world none of that really existed.

Now I know that everybody can not live 24/7 in the
Bdsm world, but how do you mix the 2?

Always, knees

to this slave, there is no BDSM world, merely THE world. this slave is part of an alternative relationship (Master/slave) that incorporates certain aspects of BDSM, as well as a few aspects of "vanilla" into it.

we might go to a "vanilla" club or a "BDSM" club, but we aren't transported through some vortex to a different "world", depending on which one we go to. we are still Master/slave, sans the leather, in the checkout line at Costco.

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 1:23:31 PM

cagliostro

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Find someone who understands that TPE or 24/7 isn't for you but that you still want elements of BDSM in your life. It's not for everyone. Then...you just...mix them. In the words of Nike - just do it. Set boundaries, have a good long talk about it, and have fun.

It doesn't have to be complicated. After all, the whole point is fun. Try stuff. Draw lines where you need them. And go for it.

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RE: As Opposed to being Vanilla. - 10/24/2008 1:37:23 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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You know, sometimes I sit down and look at a question, and I'm not sure how we've done what we've done. My Darling and our other mates have always been very flexible, I guess. We never asked ourselves "Is this a 'vanilla' thing?" or "Is this a BDSM thing?"... we -did- ask ourselves "Will the people in the household be comfortable with what we have planned?" and "Is everyone going to have enough to eat and drink?" and "Did we remember to let the neighbors know that things are liable to get loud?" Everything else has just flowed, mostly -because- we don't bother to separate the 'vanilla' from the 'sprinkles'.

For us, it's like picking the nonpareils off a doughnut... they're meant to go together... unless we're feeling particularly anal on a given day (or we're one of the mates who hates nonpariels) we don't bother to pick them off. They don't taste like much on their own, and they add texture to the doughnut. It's like that with our lives. I don't do sex, and my emotional energy doesn't wander much into the 'romantic'... but if the rest of the house is doing the 'romance and kissy-face' thing, I just don't serve myself from that plate. My Darling doesn't do blood-play... can't stand even smelling the scent in the air when I draw blood... so when we've got some of that going on, she's in the room with the -other- stuff on the buffet. It isn't even something conscious we do, except for the general courtesy of saying "Hey, dear, I've got painslut paul coming over tonight and I'm going to do a 300 needle weaving. Do you want to see it when we're done?" (That part she -does- like... she really enjoys seeing the artwork when it's finished). In the same way, the folks who serve us know that their -very- first job is making sure my Darling is taken care of -- and the things that mean 'taken care of' to her probably start with... um.. the -DISHES-... is that a BDSM thing, because it's done by a D/s servant? Is it a vanilla thing because it was from family dinner? *shrugs* It's anyone's guess.

I suppose, then, my advice would be to just live your life. Do the things you love, try to fit in as many awesome experiences as you can, and try as varied a menu as you can -- this body was meant to experience, and doesn't really mind how, when, why, or where... if we get out of our minds' way, things seem to flow in the way that works.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 10/24/2008 1:38:05 PM >

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