SteelofUtah
Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
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I realized that I missed the fact that I had been here for over a year and decided to reflect on my going on's here.
There was a Post that made me think about my first few posts here and I was glad to note that I have come full circle, however not the way some people said that I would when I got here.
There is a Thread about Mean People and Getting Beat up for asking questions. I made that same post after I was here for about a month and I was all butt hurt that no matter the point of a thread it is instantly taken out of whatever context it was supposed to be in and made personal. I have tried to start topics and tried to use my relationship with andi as the model to discuss and found it becomes this thread about my actual relationship and people who don't know anything more than the handful of sentenses put on a screen think they know about your life and who you are and how you behave. I am guilty of this to a degree however I try to put myself in check when I ansswer people. I try really hard just to answer the question being asked and not just reflect my opinion on the posters life.
That being said I have come to see the trend and the reasons that so many people are less than gentle with the same questions being asked for the millionth time by someone who may or may not have come to terms with what they are let alone be ready to dive into a BDSM relationship so I thoght I would put down some things that have been helpful to people in the past and hopefully I will be able to send people reference to this when they ask questions in the future.
No this isn't my Manifesto, nor is it a How to, It's just a Common Sense piece that reminds you that you are a free spirit so be free stop trying to find a box to fit in.
First off What BDSM is. What it is, is a Canopy for nearly every kink, fetish, or sexually deviant behavior you can think of. It is a Way of Life, and it is a Bedroom Activity. It is a Philosophy and it is a Faith. It is what is and ONLY YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT IT IS TO YOU!!!!!!!
BDSM is like Ordering off a Menu, the way that I see it. There are MANY different Items, and you can try each and every one, but eventually you are going to know what you like and that will become your usual or you will like so many different things you will find it difficult to order each time. Now you can take it the way they serve it or you can order it with different condiments and the like. I like My BDSM with Bondage, Discipline, Light S&M and and extra Power Exchange in the D/s. That does not mean that I can't one day order it with No Bondage and Heavy S&M, Sometimes it is as fickle as the Mood of the day.
There are people who no matter how many times they go to the reastraunt they will order the EXACT SAME THING, and it needs to be brought the same way, and they are so adament about this process that they can repeat each step verbatim to anyone they meet, and anyone who serves them can do so as well. There are also the people who don't eat out as much, and when they do they only order al-a-carte, and what they order al-a-carte has to be made special in order for them to even eat it. There are also people who like to order for you and tell you if you are going to have the S&M then you have to have it with the Canes and Singletails or it just isn't a Proper S&M.
But Ultimatly YOU are the one placing the order, You are the one who gets to decide how you will have it. Sure there will be things you are sure that you will never like and will make it known that you will not have if that is how it is served and you may find yourself going to many different restraunts before you find one who serves your need the way you want it served but again the decision is yours.
I hear alot of questions on "Is this Okay?" or "Am I still a (This) if I refuse to do (This)?" and the answer although simple is not always easy to swallow. The simple answer is to you as it applies to you, you are whatever you want to believe you are. Not everyone will share your views and you will be called a myriad of things from Fake, to Wanna Be, to Liar, to Married, or Brat, or Sam, the list goes on ad-infinitum. But at the end of the day you don't have to face them in the mirror you only have to face yourself. and if you want to call yourself a serious pain slut as long as all the things used to induce pain are made from cotton candy then go right ahead just know it might be come time before you find a restraunt who has that on thier menu that way.
I also like to eat at new and exciting restraunts from time to time. I have to remind myself that there was a time in which everything was new to me and I was looking for the right flavor to indulge my desire, so I go to different places and learn from different people. I try to ask "So, why do you do this, this way?" instead of asking "Why, don't you do this the way I do it?" Using a more Literal Food Analogy last night I asked my Father-in-law how he cooks Chicken and Rice because the way andi did it one night was so different than the way I did it I stopped her and ended up cooking it myself. Turns out with the exception of one VERY important step my girl left out she was doing it the way he did. It had never occured to me to make it that way and so I have asked him to make it and we will be having it for dinner this weekend. Point being there is more than ONE way to make Chicken and Rice and there is more than ONE way to be a Sadist, or a Masochist, or a Submissive, or a Slave, or a Master and so on and so forth.
If you stop looking for someone else to answer your desires for you and just try things, and if they work let them work, and if the don't change the menu, then you will find that this lifestyle becomes about only the people YOU are conserned about. Yourself and your Partner or Partners because they are the only ones who should matter in how you do things. Us, the people of the boards, we should have little to no impact on you deciding to be who you are and how you go about the things you want to do. If you want to know how other people do things I would suggest that you find an individual who you respect and wish to emulate and ask them to talk to you about thier philosophies and beliefs when it comes to certain aspects of BDSM, and then to also ask those you don't necessarily care for because they may also be able to give you some insight into what you don't like or even help you to understand why you don't like something.
In the end this is all about you and what you want to get out of things, and even that can be up for debate depending on who you talk to, just remember that you have free will and when it comes to what you HAVE to do, only YOU are qualified to make that decision.
Hope that helps those who are Lurking and afraid to ask a question because of what responce you are afraid you will get, or how you will be seen after you make it. My door is always open for those who want to talk just drop me a line.
As Always
Steel
< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 10/24/2008 11:18:42 AM >
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