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How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 10:43:16 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		It's actually a serious question but I have the distinct feeling that it would get moved to this forum so thought I'd save the Mods the truble and just start it off here.

We actually have a bidet in our new apartment (dreadful colors.. but it's fully furnished, so what can ya do?) and, well.. I have no idea how to use it!  When we were in Ireland, there was one in our room.. but neither Himself nor I could quite figure out how or.. um.. when it's to be utilized. I mean, do you wipe then use it? Do you use it instead of wiping?  Is the water cold or warm?

These are serious questions (especially the one about the water temperature!)

I'm thinking that some of the UK or overseas folks might be willing to help me out with this one .. but anyone is more than welcome to poke fun at my ignorance on this subject. Hell, even I'm laughing at myself!

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 10:49:17 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		it aint like that, funnie

you squat............you certainly can see that in a bidet, no?

he dont do shit, he just leaves the toilet where it is, pisses all over it or not........

washes you out, but you aint gonna stick the same thing up every ohter mans ass 

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 10:54:05 PM   
BitaTruble


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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Dad gum it, Ron! Now what did you do. ::sighs:: Well, hopefully, you've answered my question and I still have about 7 weeks - 10 weeks before we leave, so I have time for the mods to approve your message.

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"Oh, so it's just like
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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 10:59:21 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		it aint like that, funnie

you squat............you certainly can see that in a bidet, no?

he dont do shit, he just leaves the toilet where it is, pisses all over it or not........

washes you out, but you aint gonna stick the same thing up every ohter mans ass 


There it is.

Plant it.
Shut it.
Bend it.

Bitch.

you will do just fine, honey...........I got faith in you  
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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 11:02:39 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I'm been (mostly) good, so you can see my answer now. LOL.

How to use a bidet.

A more detailed article on how to use a bidet.

And this one comes with helpful (?) pictures.



Cali


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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 11:28:50 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		omg! I'm rolling here! That shit .. um, pardon the pun.. but it ain't gonna happen. With my knees? Nope. No how, no way! Thanks for the links, Cali and the chuckles Mr. Melby. That thing in the bathroom is only ever gonna need a wipe down unless we have company because I'm not using it and I can't see Himself doing that squat thing. It rather sucks actually, because they don't have Squeezably soft Charmin in Portugal.. just sandpaper. It's gonna be .. yeah, rough... but I'll adjust!



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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 11:39:39 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		You're not using it?? Hell, woman! Have a seat on it, turn it on, and you'll never want to leave it, trust me.

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/24/2008 11:41:14 PM   
BitaTruble


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From: Texas
Status: offline 		It's got that squating thing involved! I can't do that because of my knees. lol When you come and visit, just think about how germ free it's going to be.

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 4:47:49 AM   
LadyEllen


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Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Bita - if you ever need an express delivery of Charmin down to Lisbon, just let me know OK?

By the time its come all the way from here in a dedicated van it'll be the most expensive TP you ever used, but hey - put it on company expenses?

More seriously - there are about a million Brits living in the Algarve (southern Portugal) and throughout southern Spain; there are plenty of ex pats stores in Iberia and I'm sure you'll be able to get almost anything you miss from home as long as its something we Brits might miss too

E

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 4:51:06 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think what Ron meant was that you don't poo in it, you poo in the potty, you can pee in it or not, but you sit on it just like a toilet to get all sparkly clean and fresh.  For hubby, he'll have to keep on shaking, but has the option of pooing in the toilet and then hopping over for the water bath.  (If you've had kids....remember the old sitzbaths?)

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 4:57:06 AM   
cjan


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Status: offline 		I find that, after a night of overindulgence, whilst retching into the porcelain pond and pressing my fevered brow against it, it is convenient to crawl to the bidet and take a sip from the li'l drinking foutain , rinse my mouth and splash some cool water onto my face...all without having to rise from my knees and endure the whirlies.

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 5:06:46 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I don't think I could ever give up the TP, not even for the sparkling clean of the bidet. 

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 5:58:32 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I do love my Quilted Northern!

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 6:07:31 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Making best use of a bidet requires a sack of compost, a sack of gravel, some flower seeds and bulbs

The resultant floral display adds hugely to any bathroom, is easy to keep watered and is just about the only real value a bidet offers.

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 6:19:29 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		I'm getting this great image of CJan drinking from the bidet 

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

I find that, after a night of overindulgence, whilst retching into the porcelain pond and pressing my fevered brow against it, it is convenient to crawl to the bidet and take a sip from the li'l drinking foutain , rinse my mouth and splash some cool water onto my face...all without having to rise from my knees and endure the whirlies.


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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 6:24:29 AM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		i lived overseas for a little bit. the wife of the leutenant kept their bidet stoppered up, put a few rocks and weeds in it, and kept baby turtles in it.

soooo american.

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 6:42:59 AM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		hasn't anyone ever heard of baby wipes?  if they can do the job for a kid encased in crap from the waist down, they can handle an adult's mess.  cub has had to use them since having some major surgery, his doctor reccommended it.  sure beats using sandpaper when there's nothing else available.  they have flushable wipes for the potty trained crowd that work just fine.
PM

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 6:51:41 AM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline 		In addition to providing essential rehydration to those who worship the porcelain god, it can also serve as an appropriate drinking fountain for Twue slaves who stay on their knees at all times.

Coincidentally, there was somebody on our local Craigslist selling a used bidet this week. Sucker was gone in less than a day, too.


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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 6:56:08 AM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		Bita, I was there recently, and loooved the bidet; especially the newer ones with nozzle facing you sitting in front of it, pretty kool.
Have fun,  M

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RE: How do you use a bidet? - 10/25/2008 7:09:27 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I have come to the conclusion that as an American who has never used a bidet that us cowboy americans are DIRTY!

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