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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: What do you think about your own body? (10/29/2008 11:45:32 AM)
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~fast reply~
Hmmm... what do I think about my own body -- well, I think it gives me my own set of unique challenges in facing life -- not specifically my BDSM activities, but life in general. I think it is senseless to rail at the wind, wishing that I had a different body that didn't behave (or mis-behave) the way that mine does. It would be nice to wake up ONE day without pain -and- without narcotics that only trim the pain, and never quite eliminate it unless they're strong enough to leave me senseless. It would be nice to be able to walk again, much less go to the gym or chop wood. It would -rock- to have the smaller body I had in my late teens and early 20s, that I felt comfortable modeling with (even though I had to abuse it substantially to get it to that point, and even though that abuse aggravated my current status, so that now I am significantly worse off than if I'd left my shape what it was).
I've enjoyed my body, over the years. I've hated it, and beaten on it, tortured it and abused it.... then again, I've also decorated it, cherished it, and commisserated with it. I think that the challenges I've faced in my physical form have definitely helped shape the way I see the world.
One thing I -don't- do, though, is worry about whether people are going to 'want' me, as a companion, lover, keeper, or friend because of my body. I don't deny that appearance is an issue of varying importance with folks, but if they can't get past the facts of my physical presence in this time and place, then they can't get to -me-. This body is my home, regardless of anything else. It is where my consciousness resides in this time and this place, and it is what it is. It will change over time. That is inevitable. Some of those changes will be directed by me, and some are, like Michelangelo's "David", pre-ordained by the force of the media from which I am formed... flesh, and blood, and electricity, and air.
I believe that people are what they are. I'm not going to even pretend that I don't have my own aesthetic preferences, but for me, the whole person is what I look for, and when all the parts add up, the physical takes its place as an equal but not overwhelming aspect. If I have a choice, sometimes the physical is the deciding factor for me, all other things being equal... but I have been known to come to cherish and adore folks for whom other aspects of their being shone beyond the physicality. I have also turned away some gorgeous physical specimens because the shell was all there was.
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