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RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 5:05:55 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

What???  I'm only asking, Venatrix!  OK, maybe "challenge" is the wrong word.  This might just be a Domme who's new to the whole thing, unsure herself of the transition from fantasy to reality.  Isn't that possible? 


Of course, PforH, anything is possible.  But starting a relationship out by challenging someone probably isn't the best way to go.  Not that either of us knows anyone who would really do such an inadvisable thing, right?  If it were a case of an inexperienced mistress, it's possible that a more experienced sub could bring out her nascent dommely side, but if the mistress in question really is new to D/s, this particular match doesn't have much going for it.  Blind leading the blind, and all that.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 5:45:12 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		OP - If it helps you at all... I will happily order you to 'release' every Friday night at 9 pm.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 5:46:26 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Oh lord, Venatrix, that doesn't bode well for "the youngsters", though, does it?  What about the twenty-year-old Dommes and subs wanting to meet each other?  Neither can have had much experience.  No doubt they'd lead each other into some tremendous disasters, but they have to start somewhere, surely?

As for "challenging her" - well, a little one, I was thinking, with a lot of humour thrown in - and in the realisation that it's a dogs' card chance.  The particular scenario here looks almost without promise.  But maybe not completely so.

At bottom I'm not the challenging type, I should say.  It's just about me thinking, "Wow, real Dommes exist.  Really?"  It still does feel a little like finding out that Father Christmas does exist, after all.  The world's got colour back in it again.  That feeling's behind everything I've said here so far.  That's all it is.


_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 5:53:22 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Kliao, I being the brat I am would have sent a message in return,  Well if you would do your damned Job I wouldnt need to be the top for you... But then that might not work to well in your favor, but seriously, shes either playing ya, or was only meaning to mess with you in the first hand, move on, and remember, untill you are owned or collared, you dont have to follow anyones orders if you dont want to...

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 5:59:22 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		No, no, it's much better for an older woman to show the young ones the way.  We wouldn't want them getting wrong ideas, now, would we?

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 6:02:25 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, Yes, Yes.  These poor dear boys need a firm, experienced guiding hand. (firmly applied to their back sides)

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 6:19:24 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		sounds like you're being tinkered with to me

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 6:36:58 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, OP, all joking and teasing aside, you need to find another Domme.  For whatever reasons, the two of you can't get together and it sounds like she doesn't really want to meet with you or she would have made more of an effort to do so or to communicated with you.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to RainydayNE)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 9:42:47 PM   
darkfootsteps


Posts: 29
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		looks innocent wonders if i can take a few years off my profile age lol

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 10:03:32 PM   
Klaio


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		I can confirm that the Mistress is real and young.  The place of residence I got stood up at bears the correct name, and she had webcam.

I'm not sure how I would feel with older women.  The idea of worshipping someone twice my conscious age frightens me.  (I count by life experience, which starts when you are self-aware)  Taking a brief glance through collarme, almost all of the dommes near me are looking for full-time painsluts.  TPE from the get-go.  I am looking for a switch or a sub considering a pet.  I want to ease into the lifestyle, not just "thrown into the water and it's sink or swim."  I'm not looking to be treated like scum (yet) but that seems to be what a lot of people are looking for (I term these Goddesses).

I've contacted almost everyone that fit my criteria and haven't had much luck.  Only three responses, though two of them are now friends of mine.

(in reply to darkfootsteps)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/26/2008 10:25:10 PM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		So, you are the sub in question? That must suck...

I think there was a sig line around that explained it very well. Something about the best doms and subs around CM to be older than most. And they are already taken too. There aren't that many prodigies around...


_____________________________

Silence! I keel you!

(in reply to Klaio)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 1:50:20 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I have had two or three occasions over time at which a domme tried to use the topping from bottoming defense when asked about a behavior that seemed unfair--sometimes topping from bottoming is used as a defense when a dominant knows self to be at fault and has no other answer.

The story you wrote shows the perspective from your side. It might be a helpful exercise to think what you would say if you were writing the story from her side.

I make the above suggestion more as a general one (to take away whatever insights you can about this scenario and for future scenarios) and not towards suggesting you salvage this scenario by seeing her side. In this case, I think you should move on. The yanking around aside, to me the defining event is when she stood you up. If she had an emergency come up, she could have texted you. If to not let you know in advance was a sincere oversight, I expect this knowledge would have had her be more watchful for future behavior knowing you had already been patient about prior events.

I think you should not give her a blank check to treat you without basic respect--accepting how she has been will make her think she has one. To end the dialog, I would either (a) simply stop contacting her, or (b) tell her that I see there is not a good fit and that I wish her well.

If you want to be treated with basic respect, the best way you can enable yourself to take a stand for yourself is to know that you can find other people and a better match. There are other people and a better match for you exists.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to zakkan)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 1:53:03 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
pffftt please, the so called Mistress was probably a wanking guy


I am curious what makes you think it was a guy?

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 2:33:33 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet
Being a submissive does not have to hurt, unless it is your desire for such.

You have choices in life which will either fulfill or destroy your happiness.


I agree.

To speak more about choices, I have at times accepted behavior similar to what you describe towards a curiosity about more raw sadism. My relationships have been based on respect and mutual fondness and my choice to accept the behavior was based on a curiosity about whether there would be a more raw dynamic if that level of fondness or respect did not exist.

That said, a dominant will not unfairly harm a sub out of (a) ethics, (b) fear of consequences, and (c) fondness and respect. If one does go this route, they rest their well being more on ethics and fear of consequences, which is not a safe bet in itself since ethics and fear of consequences vary from person to person.

The thought driven by curiosity never amounted to anything. If I do go this route, I would see the dynamic to be a temporary or non-exclusive one for sake of SM (for both people), and I would give and emotionally invest accordingly.

By give I mean that I would save my greatest sincerity for women who extend sincerity to me. I think I owe such a distinction both to my sense of dignity, and to women who extend the sincerity. If I were to rephrase this sentiment as advice to anyone, I would say to let your submission be earned and save the greatest degree of submission for the wonderful women who deserve it.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 10/27/2008 2:38:21 AM >

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 2:55:29 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

Klaio wrote:
I can confirm that the Mistress is real and young. The place of residence I got stood up at bears the correct name, and she had webcam.

Meeting at home (hers or yours) isn't really a good idea.  If the other person turns out to be a psycho, it's good to know that they don't have your home address.

Also, I wouldn't say that this situation has anything at all to do with topping from the bottom.  I don't see that you're trying to direct things in an inappropriate way; you're just trying to get this woman to fulfill the specific promises she made to you.

beeble

(in reply to Klaio)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 4:12:04 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble
Meeting at home (hers or yours) isn't really a good idea.  If the other person turns out to be a psycho, it's good to know that they don't have your home address.


Isn't THAT the truth!

One of the guys that I talk to in the PM's frequently was telling me a horror story about meeting with a Domme at his home.  Let's be polite and say that it didn't work out.  Then, he couldn't get her to LEAVE!  Once you have given up your home address to someone, you leave yourself open to 'stalker' type behavior.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to beeble)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 12:22:30 PM   
Klaio


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I have had two or three occasions over time at which a domme tried to use the topping from bottoming defense when asked about a behavior that seemed unfair--sometimes topping from bottoming is used as a defense when a dominant knows self to be at fault and has no other answer.



I see.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Fine Line for Topping from Bottom - 10/27/2008 5:10:35 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Some people just don't have any idea of how to treat those with whom they associate.
It's a fact of life I'm afraid.
It sounds as if she may have been following a recipe which she thought made her dominant but couldn't actually get it right.
I only instruct someone to do something if I'm sure they can comply and if I am sure I can hold up my end of the deal.
Meeting strangers that we have only spoken to a few times is a risk. But then most things in life are.
My advice is to contact her by email and ask if she is serious about you as a sub or not.
The idea that she may be doing this behind a partners back is definietly a possibility so ask her outright. If she doesn't answer the mail then you know she is no longer interested whatever the reason.
This type of behaviour is not uncommon unfortunately on both sides of D/s.
We just have to live and learn or give up.


(in reply to Klaio)
Profile   Post #: 38
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