|
Padriag -> RE: Vanilla and D/s (11/1/2008 10:49:25 AM)
|
In an effort to re-approach this discussion in a manner suggested by MR... here then is my response to the OP.
quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I was writing to a submissive about some relationships issues and I was speaking about skills needed and I realized where some of the disconnect is between "what we do is the same as vanilla" and "D/s is a different animal altogether" and they are sort of both wrong.
While at its core, I think all relationships operate in the same way, two (or however many) people learning how to live together, nurture each other, and in short, make a relationship that is greater than the sum of the participants. In that regard, there is no difference between D/s and vanilla.
However, assuming two couples with the same exact quality of relationships skills, the one with more experience with D/s is LIKELY (yes Leadership I realize you are going to take exception to this) to be more successful. Not because D/s is different but because TALKING and openly doing power exchange (or authority transfer) is a "new" skillset.
In my experience I would have to disagree, in part because what we generally refer to as a "D/s relationship" is so varied it is difficult to draw a meaningful comparison. For example, a "vanilla" relationship with a romantic element might compare favorably enough to a "D/s" relationship that also has a romantic element as to make a comparison. However, if that "D/s" relationship lacks any significant romatic element, say in the case of someone who "owns" a "slave" who is viewed and treated literally as such... it would be very difficult to draw a comparison as we're dealing with apples and oranges. That said, and narrowing this down a bit...
Do I think, in my experience that if we are comparing a "romantic D/s" relationship to a "romantic vanilla" relationship, is the D/s relationship more likely to succeed? Again I would have to say no. In part because there are too many other variables that could put stress on the relationship... for example the fact that D/s generally can't be practiced openly and "vanilla" can presents its own set of problems. But assuming we could equalize all this in some way until we reduced it just to the question of who was better able to apply and use authority dynamics (at this point I think we are getting well outside the realm of possibility)... I would still say no... because not everyone is equally able to apply those skills.
|
|
|
|
