discrimination

discrimination (Full Version)

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windy135 -> discrimination (12/13/2005 6:37:10 PM)
Has anyone ever been discriminated against because of the lifestyle? Yes, No, if so how did you react? I don’t tell many people about the details that occur behind closed doors other than a close friend. He knows I’m into the Dom/Sub scene and he teases me about getting me a collar. It can be annoying because he doesn’t understand the lifestyle. He means no harm and I always tell him it better not be one with huge spikes on it because I just couldn’t pull off the look.

IrishMist -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 6:43:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windy135 Has anyone ever been discriminated against because of the lifestyle? Yes, No, if so how did you react? I don’t tell many people about the details that occur behind closed doors other than a close friend. He knows I’m into the Dom/Sub scene and he teases me about getting me a collar. It can be annoying because he doesn’t understand the lifestyle. He means no harm and I always tell him it better not be one with huge spikes on it because I just couldn’t pull off the look. Hmm, not to the point that it would bother me much. Some people know at work, and their first reactions were shock, disgust, followed by the inevitable lewd and crude comments...Most of the time I just smile at them, and think how small they must feel to be so jealous of something that they can not comprehend. My family also knows...my parents knew, my brother knows, my sister knows...and while they may not understand it...they do accept it As for those I would call friends...they all know, and they are all 'nilla, lol. And not once since I have known them have I ever been made to feel less, or more than what they are. They all accept me for who and what I am...and I do the same with them.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 6:44:42 PM)
Some vanilla people will think I'm just a total slut with no morals or ethics...but then people IN the scene thing that too.

domtimothy46176 -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 6:50:05 PM)
No worries, LA, some of us understand that you're a total slut ~with~ morals and ethics [:D]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 6:50:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176 No worries, LA, some of us understand that you're a total slut ~with~ morals and ethics [:D] Thanks god at least some people know that. :)

siamsa24 -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 6:55:50 PM)
For the most part I keep my personal life personal, I can't let it effect my career. But the few people who do know don't treat me any differently then they did before they knew. They were shocked (I don't "seem the type"), but quickly shrugged and let it go. I am very careful about who I tell because in a campany like mine being bisexual can lose you your job so I can't imagine what this would bring. Outside of work I don't know anyone that I would consider a friend so I can't really respond to that point. As far as my family goes, they know that my relationship is unusual (with such a large age gap anyone's eyebrows would be raised, no matter how open minded), but once they saw that I am happy and we love each other the issue was dropped. Beyond that, if they ask I will tell them, but if they don't ask then I figure they don't really want to know.

Sensualips -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 7:20:18 PM)
I essentially lost my job over an essay I had published in an alternative-mom-type anthology. It was not even extreme but my director felt it was "inappropriate" for someone in my "position." (My job involved some direct contact with unmentionables.) They didn't SAY that was why I lost my job, but right after the book came out I began to have a lot of made-up conflict with my director. Right about the time I started doing some commentary on NPR I was fired for "inconsistant performance." I heard from one of the board members it was quite a discussion over what to do with me and he recommended I sue. Instead I just pouted and then went out and got a higher paying job with better benefits. IN YOUR FACE!! Small town Kansas. Blah.

truesub4u -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 7:57:14 PM)
The very few nilla friends I have that do know, look at me and laugh. Making me laugh along with them but different reasons. Because I know if they didn't want to know more, they wouldn't ask how i'm doing on meeting anyone. I find their insecurity of wanting to know more, learn more. But yet not dare ask more. I never give more information than that is asked for. But I have in fact had heard the whispers if not out right being told, (in an adult store none the less looking at toys, etc..) that I was one of those freaks that gets off on pain. I would just simply turn around , smile.. and say. And I love it!!! Or at least this freak doesn't have to sneak in here to buy what she wants. I had seen them sneak in already.. LOL But as far as family... noooooooooooooooooooooooooo Listening for hours the lectures of my mom telling me... "Damn least you could of done was be the one in control! I raised you better than that!".... "All those damn years wasted on teaching you to always be in control!" No thank you!... I'll keep this under wraps for as long as possible from mom!... LOL

MHOO314 -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 8:15:41 PM)
Because of My job and My home situation, I keep that part of My life quiet but I have been discriminated against for being a Wiccan--

IrishMist -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 8:51:19 PM)
quote: But as far as family... noooooooooooooooooooooooooo Listening for hours the lectures of my mom telling me... "Damn least you could of done was be the one in control! I raised you better than that!".... "All those damn years wasted on teaching you to always be in control!" Alot have said the same things about their family when talking about whether or not they know....My mom was a big corporate lawyer, and yet, never once did she ever say such things, or even make me feel as if I had disappointed her in that respect......this is not meant to offend anyone...or to say that mine is better, etc......I was curious as to why you feel that she would take this stance.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 8:56:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u Listening for hours the lectures of my mom telling me... "Damn least you could of done was be the one in control! I raised you better than that!".... "All those damn years wasted on teaching you to always be in control!" No thank you!... I'll keep this under wraps for as long as possible from mom!... LOL That's generally when I break into "I'm in control by doing exactly what I want to do with my life and not letting anyone tell me I can't be who I want to be."

truesub4u -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 9:14:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist I was curious as to why you feel that she would take this stance. Because I know my mom... LOL And I've seen her rare before. Vaccum doesn't work right. Get it fixed? No chuck it out the back door and buy another! Fan doesn't work right, chuck it out the door and get another one. Coffee pot doesn't taste right anymore when coffee made.. chuck it out back door and buy another one. When something (and yes I've seen it before) someone pushes the wrong buttons. They're gone. Poof.. Bye Bye.. Never really thought of again. The one thing, i've learned about my mom in my 39 years..... I'll never do anything right... LOL And I learn to live with that. So why throw fuel into the fire by telling her i'm a sub. If and when she finds out, (or does know and hasn't told me... YET) i'll deal with the out come of it then. Not now. And Lady Albatross...... as to your quote... That's generally when I break into "I'm in control by doing exactly what I want to do with my life and not letting anyone tell me I can't be who I want to be." I prefer breathing. Not all of us will (although we may want to) will be disrespectful to our parents. No matter how old we are. This was a comment about my mother here. No some Joe Blow who's thought or comments mean a hill of beans to me. I will not defend my actions.. or my thoughts and comments to anyone I know or don't know.... on this site. Just as I don't expect anyone to explain or defend theirs to me. But what I will do, is not show my mom the disrespect of spitting in her face. Like I said.. I prefer to breath thank you. (DAMN!!! I still ended up trying to defend my comments... and actions.. )[:@]

FangsNfeet -> RE: discrimination (12/13/2005 9:38:34 PM)
quote: Has anyone ever been discriminated against because of the lifestyle? So far I haven't ran for any public offices. When at work or some other professional public group I just answer with "What I do on my time is personal." After all, in this day and age people are being discriminated against just because the vote republican or democrat. Many people get discriminated against just for saying that they want one person to stay at home for the kids while the other one works. So it's not just about being in the life style but what your beliefs are for a relationship. So far I have had people either like or hate me more because of my choice to be in the life style but I haven't had discrimination in the work force nor having my food served to me at IHOP. When you say you are a Dom/sadist it's assumed that you're a beater/abuser. If you say you're a sub it's assumed you've been brain washed or have had a bad child hood and need to have mental health. If people really want to know more about our relationship, I just tell them that we are happy and that I keep a firm hand on our choices and decissions. The only real discrimination that I can think of is when you and someone else who you associate with in some vanilla organization both meet at a BDSM meeting. These odd meetings have been known to either enhance the relationship or cause more seperation from the person. After all, one may be afraid that the other will begin telling everyone else what they are into. If you are in retail, a customer that knows you may not want to shop at your business anymore because they feel you have learned to much about them that they didn't want you to know. Embarassment often leads to this type of alienation/discrimination. I remember being a CNA for a hospital where I helped and took orders from many nurses. At one BDSM event, one of these bossy nurses just happen to show up and be a Sub. Under her masters orders she was suppose to be nice, polite, and give every dom a massage upon request. So guess who got a back rub from a nurse who got mad at me for not feeding one of her patients because I was to busy pushing a patient with chest pain back to the Cardiac Care Unit? For some reason, the nurse ended up transfering to a different shift and never talked to me again.

Phoenxx -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 12:05:55 AM)
Not for my lifestyle. Funny thing, with my ex vanilla wife one of our friends didn't like me at first because I was too "controlling". Then she realized that it seemed to be what my ex needed and everything was fine. My friend never told me that until after I came out of the dungeon so to speak.

lovingmaster45 -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 3:34:38 AM)
quote: For the most part I keep my personal life personal, I can't let it effect my career. But the few people who do know don't treat me any differently then they did before they knew. They were shocked (I don't "seem the type"), but quickly shrugged and let it go. I am very careful about who I tell because in a campany like mine being bisexual can lose you your job so I can't imagine what this would bring. EXACTLY; Listen up freaks; no one in the vanilla world wants to know what your kink is. Keep your damn mouth shut. I once did research regarding people's attitudes about homosexual males. Once we had a baseline of "tolerance", we went back to the same people and showed them pics of male homosexual acts; tolerance disappeared. Lesson learned? They are OK with it "in theory" but do NOT reveal what is that you do. When will you learn to keep quiet? Unless of course you like playing the "victim" in life. Human Resources is full of people like you; whining about every little nuance in the workplace that makes them "uncomfortable". AS Mad Max would say, "Shut up and stop ruining my life."

kessia -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 3:50:34 AM)
I do not think it IS always about whining. For some, it might be about changing prevailing attitudes so that it becomes unnecessary to live in the closet. Not everyone wants, is able, or likes to keep their “work life” separate from their “home life”. In point of fact, many people live lives that are an interwoven tapestry of professional and personal interests. It would be awfully nice if three quarters of that tapestry did not have to be bleached or denied for fear of reprisals. I am not advocating forcing kink on people, but gee whiz, if it is acceptable for the nilla straights to yatter on about all the heterosexist dominant culture stuff they did all weekend, then it should be just as acceptable for me to talk about MY world. Best, kess

Padriag -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 3:56:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45 Listen up freaks; no one in the vanilla world wants to know what your kink is. Keep your damn mouth shut. I once did research regarding people's attitudes about homosexual males. Once we had a baseline of "tolerance", we went back to the same people and showed them pics of male homosexual acts; tolerance disappeared. Lesson learned? They are OK with it "in theory" but do NOT reveal what is that you do. I never quite understood the need some have to constantly advertise their kinks, their sex life, what they do in private to anyone who will listen (and plenty who don't want to listen). Most people don't want to know about your sex life... kinky, vanilla, or absent... they just don't want to know. Most folks really don't want to know about your personal life, your problems or whatever else. When most people ask how you are, they don't really want to know, they're just being polite. You answer "Fine, how are you?" not because you actually are fine or everything in your life is okay, but because it the accepted response. It might be silly, but its the way things are, deal with it. Even here in these forums, though I enjoy discussing various aspects of the lifestyle, I rarely discuss my personal life. Same reason, I figure most of you really don't want to know the details... and frankly, most of it is no one's business anyway. I dunno... maybe some do it as plea for acceptance and approval... they want someone to tell them what they're doing is okay. Maybe they just crave attention. What I do know is, if you push something in someone's face, odds are you are going to annoy them. There's enough trouble getting people to accept these kinks and fetishes as being things sane people do, without pissing folks off in the process.

IrishMist -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 5:00:56 AM)
quote: Listen up freaks; no one in the vanilla world wants to know what your kink is. Keep your damn mouth shut. I don't go shouting it out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. The ones at work who do know about me ASKED me first, I just told them the truth when asked. I see nothing wrong with that. Sure, I get some comments now and then, but I am a big girl, I can handle them [8D] LOL. quote: I will not defend my actions.. or my thoughts and comments to anyone I know or don't know.... on this site. Just as I don't expect anyone to explain or defend theirs to me. But what I will do, is not show my mom the disrespect of spitting in her face. Like I said.. I prefer to breath thank you. (DAMN!!! I still ended up trying to defend my comments... and actions.. ) Truesub4u, the last thing I wanted when I asked that question was to make you become defensive. I aplogize for that. You should not have to defend yourself in regards to family, but obviously my question brought out exactly that. I was only trying to understand in my own mind, why YOU thought your mom would not understand. And, from what you said, I can almost understand your reasons for not telling her. Thank you for answering :)

tasha_tart -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 5:37:22 AM)
Not sure if it really counts as discrimination because of the lifestyle...but I did get the bum's rush from a munch in the summer because I was dressed. Apparently, after several months of going to that munch dressed, the organizer decided I was just dressing in "fet wear" (his term, not mine) to get a thrill. Not too sure how he decided it was "fet wear" since I was dressed very much like my main profile pic on this site. Reading me out in front of friends was the only time someone has managed to make me ashamed of who/what I am. Tasha

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: discrimination (12/14/2005 6:05:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u know.... on this site. Just as I don't expect anyone to explain or defend theirs to me. But what I will do, is not show my mom the disrespect of spitting in her face. Like I said.. I prefer to breath thank you. Not sure why you consider letting her know that you ARE in control as somehow being disrespectful. Groveling and lying and hiding does not equal respect. Honesty and openness does not equal disrespect. Now if I'd suggested "Tell her that you are gonna do whatever the hell you like and if she doesn't like it she can kiss your ass." then perhaps you might be right. But simply telling her "It's ok, I AM in control because I'm doing what works for me" I can hardly see as disrespect. Yes, you are always the daughter and she is always the mother, but you are also an adult and deserve the respect of one- the respect that she raised you to have.

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