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RE: generally speaking... - 12/14/2005 6:20:48 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: foxglove716

for those of you who have had both kinky and vanilla relationships, which would you say was more complicated? Does living a somewhat unconventional lifestyle complicate things? Does having pre determined roles simplify things?

Hmm, I could not answer since I have never had a vanilla relationship. Not sure I want one this far in life lol.

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Post #: 21

RE: generally speaking... - 12/14/2005 7:23:27 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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Hmm, I could not answer since I have never had a vanilla relationship.
============

whoa,,,,,,,,,,ya mean to tell me ya aint never had a beau bring ya flowers n such? ya aint never had a guy sweet on ya, wanting to wait on ya hand n foot?
ya aint never had a guy make a fool of himself over you?

whoa...........
Girl.......i can only but say.............there are just some things in life EVERY Gal shoulda had growing up........

take care
best to You in 2006

_____________________________

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"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

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Post #: 22

RE: generally speaking... - 12/14/2005 8:10:29 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

Hmm, I could not answer since I have never had a vanilla relationship.
============

whoa,,,,,,,,,,ya mean to tell me ya aint never had a beau bring ya flowers n such? ya aint never had a guy sweet on ya, wanting to wait on ya hand n foot?
ya aint never had a guy make a fool of himself over you?

whoa...........
Girl.......i can only but say.............there are just some things in life EVERY Gal shoulda had growing up........

take care
best to You in 2006

LOL...I don't care for flowers, never have...so, no, I have never received flowers :P
The only time I was waited on hand and foot was while in the hospital after giving birth...I bled out so I was in for almost a month
As for a man making a fool of himself over me...well, knowing what kind of man my husband was...he cleaned the house and made me dinner when I came back from the hospital......does that count??

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RE: generally speaking... - 12/14/2005 8:51:01 AM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

The secret is to chose your partner/s carefully and choose wisely.

IronBear

One reason my self-esteem is healthy is because of the caliber of person who has befriended me. Both my friends in the vanilla world and those in the D/s world can become needy; heart broken; sick; etc. and require more of my attention than normal....but i do not consider this a complication. They do the very same for me.

As for Men who seem interesting to me; well, i have certain touchstones in the process of finding my One, and i am still waiting for Him.

candystripper

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Post #: 24

RE: generally speaking... - 12/19/2005 1:33:05 AM

MsPurrmeow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow
In the vanilla world, lies, deceit and secrets are the norm, by far, even when they are unintended. In a solid, kink relationship, there are strict rules against them (in mine) and I actually can trust the other person. I miss trusting a person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I don't see any difference in honesty and keeping secrets in the bdsm world vs the vanilla world. Ds relationships are just as functional and dysfunctional as vanilla ones.

I do see a difference. The vanilla world seems to expect it. In a D/s relationship, I place solid ground rules. Rules which state that violations (dishonesty) are what happen right before they walk out the door leaving the collar behind them. I can and will demand honesty.

Vanilla relationships go on all the time with an accepted level of lying about little things. What people call "white lies". In a D/s relationship wtih me, if they are against my rules, then they are against the rules, and consequences will be met. Only when a boundary and consequences are in place will a basic human behavior be controlled. Yes, some people have the personal stamina to be honest all the time, but those people have placed their own boundaries and are working within them. In my D/s relationships, since /I/ place the boundaries, they are mine to follow through with. I demand it of myself and I will demand it of others.

I understand that other people have different standard of acceptable dishonesty, and that's ok... for them and their relationships. I have no control over them and wouldn't want it. In a D/s relationship, that opportunity is mine, and I will take it.

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RE: generally speaking... - 12/19/2005 1:42:20 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Vanilla is more difficult because I have extreamly kinky to me anyway needs that vanilla just can not come even close to fufilling, and finding someone who understands those needs and is not grossed out but understanding is 40 times more harder than kink whereI can just lay it on the table that I am kiinky I have dirty fantasies and sometimes I am ashamed of my sexual needs and you will have to bring the needs out.

I found a vanilla bf before I found a dominant partner and I struggle all the time trying to find people I can respect and do bdsm with outside my open relationship. My mates not interested at all in any of my fantasies or bdsm, his idea of kink is half heartedly spanking me now and again. I won't have sex with any one other than my bf so that runs off all if not most people, add to the mix a bf they have to get to know later when we both think it's apropriate AND having to be local well forget it.

It would be way simpler if I had a bdsm partner bf than avanilla unkinky one. But I love joe and I am comited and him not bein into bdsm is not a valid reason in my eyes to leave him.

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RE: generally speaking... - 12/19/2005 2:34:12 AM

FelinePersuasion

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I'm prolly being an ass for saying this Domtimothy but I find it very amusing that your subs name is toy, which is what I call my bf's penis lol.

It's my toy, and toy is how we refere to it most of the time

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RE: generally speaking... - 12/19/2005 2:59:52 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Ms Purr is right.

In a vanilla relationship people can kind of tend to make allowances for little white lie's, Like it's ok to tell your wife you'll take the garbage out when you have no intention of doing it you just want her to shut up.
What's wifey gonna do, nag you yell at you a lil bit?

And in the same token but in a D/s it's not ok to make the same prommise to your mistress. Infact ya might find yourself on the wrong end of an unhappy Mistress. A mistress who controlls everything

And further more about defined roles yes it helps. In a kinky relationship I know he is going to find out and explore all my kinks maybe even some that cause me embarrasement, all I have to do is be therre for the ride

A bf is not always going to over see all of my kinks as part of my growth, I have to introduce him to the kink tell him all about it and then wait to see if he wants to do anything with it and about it

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 12/19/2005 3:01:59 AM >

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