Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
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Tell you something about suicide, it is a one way trip. You can always do it tomorrow, but not the day after, nor can you change your mind.
I had a dark time in my life too, and it was pretty bad. Instead of an alarm clock at the time I had a clock timer that had an outlet on it. The boombox was what woke me up for work. The first time I had the electrodes on me and I had it plugged into the timed outlet. I changed my mind. The other time I had the noose all setup, but then backed out again.
I am glad I did.
You look pretty young (I am 45), and you just can't see what is ahead of you. These hard times impel you to look inside yourself, even if you stage a possible 'cide. I did it three times now that I think of it, and dude, I MEANT IT. I didn't call anyone, nothing, I really meant to go through with it. IT took until the last minute to realize that it was not what I wanted, no matter how bad it was. I was facing jail time and losing EVERYTHING.
I even wound up homeless for a while, but this desire for death was not there when I was sleeping under a bush in front of a church. It came after some period of relative prosperity, and I was losing it, no doubt. I was actually almost happy under that bush. I had been living in my van, but the tranny went and it got towed, and I never did get up the money to get it out. I did at least sell it, but why waste that money on a place unless you got a job ?
That was over 25 years ago. People hit bottom in different ways now, even socially !, "people don't like me so I am going to kill myself". If you don't whack yourself buddy, I can promise you this, you will become enlighhened probably, because of the hard times now. They cause you to think more about your actions. You get smarter and better able to deal with people, you shed stoopid attitudes and become amazingly receptive to others' ideas. This increases your enlightenment exponentially.
You don't care anymore if people like you, and ironically that seems to make people like you.
To want to die is to think you are destined to die. Why ?
Most people would think that if this was true, some virulent disease or natural disaster would strike them. Of course in Lousiana they might not agree, but I understand. With the "gift" of age you get the ability to understand others better.
When you read this, look at the computer, and if you even know where it is, the line or antenna that connects you to the internet. Can you see a big bush anywhere ? Think of the guy sleeping under it before you let your heart go so fast.
Don't go there, don't get into that homemade gallows.
Unhappiness is caused by listening to the wrong people.
Happiness is caused by listening to yourself. Don't give in to the 4-Gs; Glitter, Gold, God or Glamour.
T
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