Lockit
Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I learned to love in an unconditional sense and that I could love someone simply because they were a human being I related to somehow in a humanity sense. I might love someone's humor or their heart I see very quickly. But that does not mean I am in love with them. I may not know them enough to be in love or love them for this or that, but I can love them as a human being. It goes from that point and may grow into more and might not. When I love, I do not expect love in return. Loving for me doesn't come with expectations. Now... being in love is different and I do expect things in that type of relationship. I might love the person unconditionally, but in a relationship I expect certain things and that is where some conditions come into it. But even if we broke up, I would still love them as a human being, just maybe can't live with them! lol
People can have needs that are not red flags and then there are those red flags. Is it a red flag if someone needs love but doesn't act clingly, immature and lost? They need love and to express it both in giving and taking and yet are not asking for too much to cover some lack in themselves. The red flag for me is someone who rushes in and believes they are in love and not just feeling strong loving feelings for someone, who has personal issues of the unhealthy kind which could manifest in jealousy, clingy, obsessive or unrealistic.
I found that keeping things tempered, one can express loving feelings for another person. Like you meet up with someone who makes you laugh when you need a laugh and their mind stimulates you and you share some great moments. You can feel loving feelings towards them without being in love and without knowing them inside out. It can stop there or grow. Tempering things would be talking about it, letting each person know you recognize there is something special you love about the person or in being with them and sharing time, but that is based on momentary things and isn't the same as knowing them and loving them for who they are fully, but only for what you know of them at that point. It isn't an undying love that surpasses all things and means a relationship for life.
Sometimes people will go so long without being loved or giving love. Sometimes they have been wounded and need to know someone cares. In some situations, I feel it is okay to say the words as long as people understand where they come from and like I said, it only bit me once. That was one of those people who was needy in a bad way and couldn't see anything but undying love and relationship far too quickly and couldn't compartmentlize it in a sense. I know it sounds crazy in a way... but I have seen this work repeatedly and by expressing what emotions they had at that time, they were less needful of rushing into more. They got a fill up in a sense, were able to relax and trust that they had a real friend who cared.
Some people might respond better to the word affection... you feel something... but it isn't love... or you love a friend and that is more acceptable. To me, it all stems from love of some form. You can run into a sweet um, with big brown eyes who wins your heart in an instant. You can love a grandparent or a neighbor or someone on a message board... none of these are the same or even in love... but they are love.
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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!
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RE: He loves me.... ? - 
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I am seriously hosed. Thanks, Stella, you are so wise! (and have funny stories, too!)
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