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Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:16:46 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		I was having a discussion the other day with my master about control.

I was wondering have any dom/es ever lost control and gone beyond there subs wishes?
Have you lost control and done something you wouldn't usually do?

Would like to know how you react in those kind of situations and how does it make you feel?

I sometime's want M to push me a little bit harder, and lose control and do what he really desires, but i understand he doesnt like losing that control. It is important to him to stay focuses and to not harm me unless he means to.

Interested in your thoughts.

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L.pickle
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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:38:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teensub
I was wondering have any dom/es ever lost control and gone beyond there subs wishes?

I've gone beyond where my partner wishes, losing control wasn't a factor.
quote:

 
Have you lost control and done something you wouldn't usually do?

I haven't met a person who hasn't.
quote:


Would like to know how you react in those kind of situations and how does it make you feel?

Depends on the circumstances and the outcome.
quote:


I sometime's want M to push me a little bit harder, and lose control and do what he really desires, but i understand he doesnt like losing that control. It is important to him to stay focuses and to not harm me unless he means to.

Interested in your thoughts.

How long have you been together?  Give it a few years and see where you go. 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:41:06 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		How did you and your sub feel when you did go beyond there wishes?

We have been together a year.

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:43:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teensub
How did you and your sub feel when you did go beyond there wishes?

We have been together a year.

Like I said, depended on the circumstances.  Sometimes it's great, sometimes it sucks.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:45:19 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		missed that bit the first time i read it! oops

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:46:33 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Teensub,

There are certain things I myself and I admit to it, have a difficult time dealing with.  I will openly admit and express when I'm having a hard time dealing with something to my submissive partner or anybody as a matter of fact.   I don't like to loose control, in some respects, I have thought I lost control of myself (in my opinion) expressed this to hear somebody express the opposite thought about me.

Now with all this said.  I was in a four and half year crazy on/off relationship.  She would intentionally push my buttons and engaged in mental/emotional S&M for real.  This actually dare I express this, was more of a strange need for her.  I found myself becoming verbally out of control at times, had to recheck myself, and focus on staying more in control of myself.

Ironic as this sounds, the more self control I exercised, she upped the button pushing levels.  Not a good thing. 

There came a point in time, when I said, if things don't change, I'm packing it on the relationship.  Things had taken a toll on me and I had no other recourse except end the relationship for my own mental health and sanity.  

Things got worse, and I packed it in on things between her and I.  The last night we were still living together.   She was literally the meanest bitch on the face of the earth saying all kinds of cruel and twisted things.  I sat there completely calm and in control of myself.   She was trying to break me.   Did not happened.   Ironic, is that somehow in the back of her mind she had this notion that I would somehow change my mind, and come into the bedroom and fuck her brains out.  

She is/was twisted in the head.  She had notions that bedroom play and verbal humilation and such would be blended into real confrontations and be part of the day to day dynamics of that relationship.   You know where the Dom using forced sex and overpowers the submissive to resolve a fight or disagreement.  Slaps her across the face and makes her go down and suck cock.   The proverbial, Shut the fuck up now bitch and suck my cock, I'll show you who's boss and I don't want to hear no more of your bullshit.

There were many great things about this one relationship, trust me, if there were not, it would have not lasted for long.   I am writting about some big negatives here.  The type of stuff that if I had played into doing, would have meant for me to loose my own self control and doing things that well frankly were truely abusive in my book.

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:49:33 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teensub

I was wondering have any dom/es ever lost control and gone beyond there subs wishes?


First of all, I reject out of hand that going beyond my submissive's wishes is evidence of being out of control.  That's a flawed premise from the start.

quote:


Have you lost control and done something you wouldn't usually do?


I do my best not to lose control, but I'm human and I have lost my temper.  On the rare occasion that has happened, I've said something I later regretted.  I don't recall ever allowing myself to lose control in a physical way.

quote:


Would like to know how you react in those kind of situations and how does it make you feel?


I feel like crap, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. 

quote:


I sometime's want M to push me a little bit harder, and lose control and do what he really desires, but i understand he doesnt like losing that control. It is important to him to stay focuses and to not harm me unless he means to.


Emphasis added to the quote... that is the objective.  To take control forcefully (rather than lose control and do something forcefully).  Same appearance, different motivation and mindset.
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:51:41 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

I was wondering have any dom/es ever lost control and gone beyond there subs wishes?
[/quote]

First of all, I reject out of hand that going beyond my submissive's wishes is evidence of being out of control.  That's a flawed premise from the start.

they were meant as two different things. Have you ever lost control, and have you ever abused your subs wishes

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:52:20 PM   
Max1000


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline 		Sometimes its good to expect the unexpected and let people follow their impulses but I'd really have to trust/respect someone to give hem carte blanche (sic?) to do whatever they wanted!

Depends on your definition of out of control.

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 5:54:11 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		well i guess out of control for them.
Something they wouldnt usually do but had a sudden urge to do..along those lines lol.

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:05:12 PM   
Max1000


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline 		Well as long as you entrust them to go out of control within reason thats fine. You can't legislate for everything.

But if they introduced a video camera, a greased up Adonis hung like a bull elephant and an audience comprising of my nearest and dearest from stage left I'd draw the line.

Or animals. Whilst we're on the subject.

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:06:59 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah i agree with that!

Can you tell im not very good at this forum lark?

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:10:24 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teensub



I was wondering have any dom/es ever lost control and gone beyond there subs wishes?


First of all, I reject out of hand that going beyond my submissive's wishes is evidence of being out of control.  That's a flawed premise from the start.

quote:


they were meant as two different things. Have you ever lost control, and have you ever abused your subs wishes


First, as mentioned earlier I have lost my temper and said things I later regretted.
 
But again I must reject out of hand the premise that going beyond my submissive's wishes is somehow tantamount to "abuse".  That perjorative term is simply thrown around with little consideration for what it means.  Used in that manner it criminalizes (both legally and morally) any authorized use of control that may exceed a submissive's "wishes". 
 
Many submissives do not "wish" to clean the toilets.  It's not always a "wish" to submit one's will to another.  Many times it's not a "wish" to accept evaluation, correction or even (gasp) punishment.
 
Perhaps you had an unfortunate use of terms and turn of a phrase.  Or perhaps your idea of submission is far more rosey than my own.
 
John

Edited to add that I don't want to be perceived as argumentative (though I do enjoy a good argument).  I'm just making a concerted effort to be clear and concise.

< Message edited by Rover -- 10/27/2008 6:15:46 PM >

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:10:50 PM   
Max1000


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline 		Oh you're doing fine! Its me wo is distinctly lowering the tone and driving it off a tangent. Pretend I'm not here.

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:15:18 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		Abused-To use wrongly or improperly

I dont mean physically abused your subs, i mean have you ever broken there wishes, either on purpose or accidently

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:16:22 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		And by wishes i mean there limits, things they have asked or mentioned to you not to do

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:18:19 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Losing control is deeply shameful. If you can't control yourself you have no right to posture as one who claims to sexually dominate others.
To go beyond the wishes of any person with whom you are having any form of intimate relations is a criminal offence and anyone doing so should be locked up.
Safe, Sane, Consensual, end of story.

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:20:35 PM   
Max1000


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline 		Nope, never done anything someone explicitly didn't want me to do. Boring answer but the truth.

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:20:50 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you tweedy daddy

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L.pickle

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RE: Losing control - 10/27/2008 6:23:02 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		The way I see pushing limits is to discuss it and be agreed to push them.  To overstep and just decide I am going to push seems wrong to me.  How can my submissive trust me if I am going to take charge in some limit they have given and I disrespect that?

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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