RE: Dom's can be dumb too

RE: Dom's can be dumb too (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

oceangem -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/15/2005 6:43:35 PM)
Does it really matter if it was not sexual, the point is he wandered. Trust was broken, communication was not there, two most important factors to any relationship. How would he feel if it was she that did the wandering...not far, but just out of reach, if she wanted to come back would he accept her? Could he trust her again? If its one thing i have learned, is that i dont go back to try again, for whatever there was once before ...is lost now. "Fool me once..shame on me. Fool me twice...shame on you - chinese proverb

sweetwhisper -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/16/2005 7:42:40 AM)
From my own experience - Master and i got off to a very rocky start (that's putting it very mildly) at one point He actually told me to go find somebody else and that's exactly what i did, so did He. There was a time i thought He was not the one for me and that i definitely wasn't the one for Him - yet, some time went by, He stayed on my mind, i stayed on His, to make a long story short, a year later we are happily married, i adore Him and can't imagine life without Him, and He feels the same way about me. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, so needless to say, i am very glad that we gave things a second chance. : )

KatyLied -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/16/2005 7:52:58 AM)
quote: He stayed on my mind, I stayed on His Second chances Second chapters

mons -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/17/2005 1:50:20 AM)
i meant or about me to someone sweet and we talk and have so much fun but my sister is in this mode of oh no you need something new to wear oh my god, then i mention this lovely dress i have in the closet oh no you need to something in style now i am not loooking to ge tmarried but she has her man i am sick of this why must i wear something so sharp if he does nto enjoy me the way i am what the hell woould i dress up for he is a submissive and oh he makes me laugh and is so funny iwant to look my best but i am not waiting a month to do this i want it over with not so fast no sex yet but just to meeet tell me what you think all mons[:@]

girl4you2 -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/17/2005 4:52:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: He stayed on my mind, I stayed on His Second chances Second chapters "second verse, same as the first..." it's a very old song.

Sunshine119 -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/17/2005 10:00:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fyreredsub trust is essential in any relationship, if i feel that once my trust in someone has been violated, i'll run.......... i know of no case in my life,where once trust was broken it could ever be restored to the original way it was. to me lies of omission are also a violation of trust, nobody likes to find things out on their own or be told by someone else.the offending party needs to be the one to come clean... however lies of ommission can be forgiven, but the trust you had in the person will never be the same. and its even more crucial,imo, in a D/s relationship that you be able to trust that person utterly. Trust broken usually means the relationship can never be restored to the original. However, the original was probably just a facade if things got to the point that the trust was broken. The relationship could be much better if the issues causing the breach are addressed and both are able to forgive. Things will not be forgotten, nor should they. Constant reminders of our own frailties, even if we are a Dom, are not bad. The relationship if it survives will always be different. That can mean better or worse. Depends upon both.

troilus -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/17/2005 10:14:08 PM)
Eat your dom. Here's a recipe: Kill by destroying brain from back of head. Baste in pig's fat by spreading fat all over. Roast for 13 hrs. Remove from heat and let cool Baste in chicken broth/egg baste. Roast for 2 hrs. Start with the cock.

ThatLilBrat -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/18/2005 1:03:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plantlady64 I could not fully trust a liar who's too much of a coward to tell the truth up front. ............ I say if he lies now he'll keep on lying and your friend shouldn't trust him or she'll have tp be ready for him to lie later about God only knows what else. It's much easier to forgive the truth now than to forgive a lie later.

candystripper -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/18/2005 3:22:06 PM)
A condition of my acceptance of a collar would be that we both WANT High Monogamy; no cyber buddies, etc. So my situation is different, because if He "wandered" it would mean He also lied about His desire for High Monogamy. i don't know what i'd do; but i do know Men Don't Change; i think He'd repeat the offense and i'd leave. candystripper

phoenixMF -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/18/2005 5:16:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane but he wanders.... fastlane, Sir... will you please define the word "wanders" in your scenario... just a little bit more? Respectfully ~ phoenix

noirgirl -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/19/2005 1:18:35 PM)
Personally, it would all depend. I would look at it like any relationship. Is this worth fixing is an individual question. Is the straying parnter willing to communicate about why they wandered off and why they came back? Are both people willing to communicate and work on difficult issues?

classykindasassy -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/23/2005 10:51:31 AM)
Fastlane, ever the brilliant sense of humor, kudos. To your friend: In my humble estimation, it comes down to the dom's relating to what actually happened. 1. Was monogamy, sexual AND play, a specific, laid out, acknowledged agreement in so many words? If not, live and learn the price of ambiguity in matters of importance to you. 2. If explicit word was given that he would not play outside the relationship, then you should look at his relationship to his word. Past and present. If he casually weasels out of an explicit break of word here ("I just got sidetracked" is a smokescreen IMHO in the case of explicit promise given), where else has he or will he do it? You need to square yourself away on what matters to you. This would be similar to saying " I did not MEAN to stick my cock in this other lady's vagina" Huh? I doubt anyone held a gun to his head and forced him to do what he did. It was a conscious choice, whether or not he looked at consequences in the moment. I believe we teach the universe how to treat us in what we tolerate. Ultimately it will be your choice to forgive. However, the whole basis, IMO, on what has the lifestyle be safe and sane and for me more manageable than vanilla relationships, is the VALUE of explicit agreement as a baseline and a reference point. If he is sincere in maintaining his place as a Dom, then an apology and an explicit re-promise is in order. YOU will have to bear the burden of holding him to it if you choose to go on. We are only as much use and good as the word we give and keep. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to hold others we see in a position of power to the word they give. But not doing so comes with a price. Along similar lines, failing to obtain specific promises where it matters...well, the consequences of that speak loudly. Failing to hold others and self to account - equally as costly. You can forgive...and still allow him to have a sloppy relationship to his word...somewhere else. Best of fortune, cks

girl4you2 -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/26/2005 5:31:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oceangem Does it really matter if it was not sexual, the point is he wandered. Trust was broken, communication was not there, two most important factors to any relationship. If its one thing i have learned, is that i dont go back to try again, for whatever there was once before ...is lost now. "Fool me once..shame on me. Fool me twice...shame on you - chinese proverb i am again reminded of that man who said that he'd "lusted in his heart." if he broke up his relationship and then told his woman#2 that he'd chosen another even before they met (and never bothered to mention to her while they talked of the future), but wanted #2 to stick around as a backup in case things didn't work out with that woman, then broke up with her and wanted the woman#2 back, he'd not have met with the same reaction i think. and all woman#2 did after he dropped her was to wish him well (unlike another she heard).... anyway, that's the story a friend of mine told me about her breakup. should she have gone back to the guy?

Jennylu48 -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/29/2005 6:36:05 AM)
A straying Dom???? HMMMMMM Well I think forgiveness in a D's relationship would be harder. After all it takes more than average trustworthyness on the part of the sub to submit herself to his will. He should (of all people) know what that submission means. To be betrayed on that level after accepting her submission is pretty unforgivable. Still, I think I would listed to his explanation, taking time to to carefully consider my options (for at least an instant) before kicking his male genitalia off the planet!!!!

Fawne -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/29/2005 8:18:45 AM)
O.K. !!! Been there, done that. I was submissive to a Dominant man who was a bit confused, maybe a kid in a candy store, mostly...he distrusted himself! He wandered (non sexually, yeah..it does count- the sex part.. at least to me) I did take him back.. still, it didn't work out. Oh well, sad actually. BUT... we girls sometimes'll give a guy another chance :) Your buddy should tell, write just what you did in your post. Sounds honest. I must say that he should consider his own inner workings? Does he fear commitment? Can he trust? IMHO- even a top must let go (surrender in a sense) to fully live and love. I think he has a good chance!! [;)]

kalstolyn -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/29/2005 4:53:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane I'm making him watch Dr. Phil today, who is doing a piece on mistrust. Hey, what are friends for? Tough love! AUUUGHHHH!!!! Torture!!!!

fastlane -> RE: Dom's can be dumb too (12/29/2005 4:59:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: classykindasassy Fastlane, ever the brilliant sense of humor, kudos. To your friend: In my humble estimation, it comes down to the dom's relating to what actually happened. 1. Was monogamy, sexual AND play, a specific, laid out, acknowledged agreement in so many words? If not, live and learn the price of ambiguity in matters of importance to you. 2. If explicit word was given that he would not play outside the relationship, then you should look at his relationship to his word. Past and present. If he casually weasels out of an explicit break of word here ("I just got sidetracked" is a smokescreen IMHO in the case of explicit promise given), where else has he or will he do it? You need to square yourself away on what matters to you. This would be similar to saying " I did not MEAN to stick my cock in this other lady's vagina" Huh? I doubt anyone held a gun to his head and forced him to do what he did. It was a conscious choice, whether or not he looked at consequences in the moment. I believe we teach the universe how to treat us in what we tolerate. Ultimately it will be your choice to forgive. However, the whole basis, IMO, on what has the lifestyle be safe and sane and for me more manageable than vanilla relationships, is the VALUE of explicit agreement as a baseline and a reference point. If he is sincere in maintaining his place as a Dom, then an apology and an explicit re-promise is in order. YOU will have to bear the burden of holding him to it if you choose to go on. We are only as much use and good as the word we give and keep. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to hold others we see in a position of power to the word they give. But not doing so comes with a price. Along similar lines, failing to obtain specific promises where it matters...well, the consequences of that speak loudly. Failing to hold others and self to account - equally as costly. You can forgive...and still allow him to have a sloppy relationship to his word...somewhere else. Best of fortune, cks quote: Fastlane, ever the brilliant sense of humor, kudos. Classykindasassy.... Thank you....I've only been posting on this forum for a year now....and finally someone understands me. Fastlane, picks up the phone and calls his Therapist......O.K. O.K. O.K. one more visit, I am making progress.... Peace, Kevin

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125