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He stayed on my mind, I stayed on His

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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He stayed on my mind, I stayed on His

Second chances
Second chapters

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ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

trust is essential in any relationship, if i feel that once my trust in someone has been violated, i'll run..........
i know of no case in my life,where once trust was broken it could ever be restored to the original way it was.
to me lies of omission are also a violation of trust, nobody likes to find things out on their own or be told by someone else.the offending party needs to be the one to come clean...
however lies of ommission can be forgiven, but the trust you had in the person will never be the same.
and its even more crucial,imo, in a D/s relationship that you be able to trust that person utterly.

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ORIGINAL: plantlady64
I could not fully trust a liar who's too much of a coward to tell the truth up front. ............
I say if he lies now he'll keep on lying and your friend shouldn't trust him or she'll have tp be ready for him to lie later about God only knows what else.

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ORIGINAL: fastlane

but he wanders....

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ORIGINAL: oceangem

Does it really matter if it was not sexual, the point is he wandered. Trust was broken, communication was not there, two most important factors to any relationship.

If its one thing i have learned, is that i dont go back to try again, for whatever there was once before ...is lost now.

"Fool me once..shame on me. Fool me twice...shame on you - chinese proverb

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ORIGINAL: fastlane

I'm making him watch Dr. Phil today, who is doing a piece on mistrust.

Hey, what are friends for? Tough love!

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ORIGINAL: classykindasassy

Fastlane, ever the brilliant sense of humor, kudos.


To your friend:
In my humble estimation, it comes down to the dom's relating to what actually happened.

1. Was monogamy, sexual AND play, a specific, laid out, acknowledged agreement in so many words? If not, live and learn the price of ambiguity in matters of importance to you.

2. If explicit word was given that he would not play outside the relationship, then you should look at his relationship to his word. Past and present. If he casually weasels out of an explicit break of word here ("I just got sidetracked" is a smokescreen IMHO in the case of explicit promise given), where else has he or will he do it? You need to square yourself away on what matters to you. This would be similar to saying " I did not MEAN to stick my cock in this other lady's vagina" Huh? I doubt anyone held a gun to his head and forced him to do what he did. It was a conscious choice, whether or not he looked at consequences in the moment.

I believe we teach the universe how to treat us in what we tolerate. Ultimately it will be your choice to forgive. However, the whole basis, IMO, on what has the lifestyle be safe and sane and for me more manageable than vanilla relationships, is the VALUE of explicit agreement as a baseline and a reference point.

If he is sincere in maintaining his place as a Dom, then an apology and an explicit re-promise is in order. YOU will have to bear the burden of holding him to it if you choose to go on.

We are only as much use and good as the word we give and keep.

Sometimes it is uncomfortable to hold others we see in a position of power to the word they give. But not doing so comes with a price.

Along similar lines, failing to obtain specific promises where it matters...well, the consequences of that speak loudly. Failing to hold others and self to account - equally as costly.

You can forgive...and still allow him to have a sloppy relationship to his word...somewhere else.

Best of fortune,

cks

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Fastlane, ever the brilliant sense of humor, kudos.