Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? When it is a drag for you?

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Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? Whe... - 10/29/2008 1:08:49 PM

AAkasha

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How stressful is domination to you (for the sake of this - the 'act of topping' - flogging, applying bondage, giving commands, putting your partner through pain)? Is it always enjoyable, or sometimes is it not? If it's not, why, and do you keep going anyway?

Do you get stressed out before? Do you get nervous?

Does worry or fear ever ruin your time? Do you ever get insecure?

Akasha

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RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 1:23:14 PM

LadyPact

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Two separate things, probably along these lines.

I would have to say 99% of the time, it's absolutely enjoyable. I will say that I do still get nervous and anxious before doing demos and presentations. I've never found Myself to be the best public speaker, so a lot of it relates to that. I know this is quite silly. If I would remember to just start by smiling and saying hello, I wouldn't be nearly so jittery. During the course of the event, that will fade and I'll have an excellent time.

One instance that I can think of that I absolutely did not have a "good" time doing it, was the last attempt I made playing with clip just before he finished school here in June. What a disaster! I had put too much focus on the good-bye and not the play.

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RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 1:27:19 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Two separate things, probably along these lines.

I would have to say 99% of the time, it's absolutely enjoyable. I will say that I do still get nervous and anxious before doing demos and presentations. I've never found Myself to be the best public speaker, so a lot of it relates to that. I know this is quite silly. If I would remember to just start by smiling and saying hello, I wouldn't be nearly so jittery. During the course of the event, that will fade and I'll have an excellent time.

One instance that I can think of that I absolutely did not have a "good" time doing it, was the last attempt I made playing with clip just before he finished school here in June. What a disaster! I had put too much focus on the good-bye and not the play.

Is the nervousness you feel before a demo the same as the vanilla nervousness you'd get when presenting in front of people in a non kinky environment? Does your nervousness go away more quickly in a kinky environment once you get into the swing of things?

Akasha

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Post #: 3

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 1:40:39 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

How stressful is domination to you (for the sake of this - the 'act of topping' - flogging, applying bondage, giving commands, putting your partner through pain)? Is it always enjoyable, or sometimes is it not? If it's not, why, and do you keep going anyway?

Do you get stressed out before? Do you get nervous?

Does worry or fear ever ruin your time? Do you ever get insecure?

Akasha

I only do it when it's "fun" for me, but I do get nervous beforehand sometimes. It also is a huge emotional toll on me (during a set scene, rather than just random topping I do as part of normal interactions) often, so afterwards I need downtime. I'm someone who doesn't need anything after bottoming, but does need some relaxation and quiet time after topping.

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Post #: 4

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 3:43:17 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Is the nervousness you feel before a demo the same as the vanilla nervousness you'd get when presenting in front of people in a non kinky environment? Does your nervousness go away more quickly in a kinky environment once you get into the swing of things?

Akasha

Yes and yes. The latter is very true. Let's face it. I'm doing something I love. That's not the part that makes Me nervous. It's more that I want people to come away from anything I present feeling like they learned something, were entertained, and it might be something they want to try for themselves. I want to try to put into it what I come away with from other people's demos. The play part is easy.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 5

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 3:47:32 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Sometimes, with a new person, I get utterly freaked for a minute, but the feeling goes away quickly. I'm used to performing, and I've never been prone to stage fright. If it feels like a drag, I just don't do it. When I am feeling off, the whole scene is off, and I am always sorry when I don't call a halt to the proceedings.

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RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 6:40:09 PM

LadyJulieAnn

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I would say the times I am stressed involve me doing more pain play, which is something my boy doesn't "crave". He enjoys the helplessness involved when I am using a flogger or cane when he is tied up, but doesn't get off on pain alone. I sometimes want to take it further, but hesitate because I want mutual enjoyment in the scene. It's those times that mess with my mood a bit.

< Message edited by LadyJulieAnn -- 10/29/2008 6:41:34 PM >

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Post #: 7

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 6:50:14 PM

chamberqueen

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Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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When I was a Domme there were times that I just felt bogged down by all of the subs contacting me. I had a handful that I saw in real time; others were prospectives hoping to gain the honor of real time. While I enjoyed my real time play in almost all cases there were some subs that really exhausted me, especially those who projected their own likes onto me. Just because I KNOW about a particular fetish and can practice it safely doesn't mean that I ENJOY it.

It got to the point for me that I was working so hard at making the fantasies of subs come true that I was not getting enough out of it. I decided to try being a sub myself for a while so that I didn't have to be the one doing the planning and taking the majority of the responsibility. It turned out it was a much better fit for me. Now I get true fulfillment from what I do and not just a few moment's satisfaction from taking a person to a new level. I still Domme others from time to time as a task and actually enjoy it more in ways because it is no longer my main role. I never got very nervous - I teach large groups of mostly men as a consultant so I am used to being center stage and know the ways to de-stress before the "event". I always made sure that there was a good enough relationship built up, along with an up front meeting with no session immediately following, that I never felt insecure. I knew exactly what each sub needed before I ever laid a hand on them.

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Post #: 8

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/29/2008 9:55:10 PM

ShaktiSama

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I've never had any negative issues with topping. It's always fun; I enjoy giving people sensations. The only worries or anxieties I have are generally about whether something is harmful, or hurting my partner in the not-sexy way. I tend to be a pretty careful top and I like to maintain pretty continuous feedback from my partner.

If I don't feel well enough to do it, physically or emotionally, I just don't. I would never top someone when it was a "drag". I can't see how that would be anything but hurtful...who wants to feel as if their ecstasy is a drag!?

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RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/30/2008 4:46:22 AM

MsStarlett

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Joined: 12/23/2007
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During sessions or play time, it's always fun. I don't do it if I'm not in the mood. I have always been the one to seek out a boy and drag him off when I felt the need to do so. There is always great excitement when choosing a new toy and running off to play. Sometimes, it's a big drag when they get clingy or needy and don't understand that it's over.

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Post #: 10

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/30/2008 6:49:32 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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I have to separate out dominion, and my role as a Keeper (household title) from topping to answer this question effectively. To me, topping is nearly always fun. Even when my body betrays me, and I get sore from awkward positioning, I thoroughly enjoy the process.

Dominion, and my role as keeper, though, is not always fun, and sometimes -is- a drag. It is like any other aspect of life -- I do it because it is part of my nature and because it has to be done. Sometimes, like anything else, it's -work-, and sometimes, it is a drain... but for me, it is not conceivable that life would be any way but what it is. Along with the benefits of dominion, there come responsibilities, not all of which are always pleasant, and the 'balance' is only balanced over the big picture -- it's pretty skewed one way or the other in the immediate and short-term view -- so one just keeps doing, knowing that this is the essence of one's life, and knowing that things are what they are, and that life wouldn't be the same without all the aspects, good and bad.

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Post #: 11

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/30/2008 6:55:25 AM

MissLily

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Joined: 8/19/2007
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I don't get nervous or anxious about it, but it does drain a lot of energy out.

I haven't been active in almost a year now. I didn't have a regular partner and had a hell of a time to find someone that would not flake.

It really drained me, and when I add that to the big changes I'm undergoing in my life, I find I just don't have the juice to persue the lifestyle.

I'm still kinky as Hell, but I can't act on it right now. I don't know if I'll ever get back into the life style, I'll see how life goes.

So to answer the question, I'll get nervous when I meet someone new, but not too much really. I'm pretty confidant about what I do.

What drains me more is that even when not stressed out, I find it's demanding energywise.

Miss Lily

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/30/2008 10:21:28 AM

ShaktiSama

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Joined: 8/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
Dominion, and my role as keeper, though, is not always fun, and sometimes -is- a drag.

I understand the distinction. Being the responsible party, even in your own life, is not always a laugh a minute or a thrill. Dominance and topping are not the same thing at all, to me, and of the two, dominance is by far the most serious and far-reaching responsibility.

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Post #: 13

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/31/2008 9:26:53 AM

WidowSpiders

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Well, from the way the question is worded, it sounds like the OP is asking if the mindset and energy required to perform as a top is ever exhausting.

Physically? Yes, it is exhausting, though not discouraging. Fortunately, getting sore from the strange positions taken when someone is on the floor or on the wall does not come until the next day. As far as energy goes, yes, it is exhausting. We usually find ourselves slumped against a wall after hours of topping while our slaves are literally bouncing off the walls, begging for another go. ( If we were believers in this phenomenon, this would be a perfect example of energy transfer. )

Emotionally? No, it is never exhausting or dragging so long as the slave is grateful and excited about the experience. The second the sub becomes complacent or takes the scenes for granted is the moment when it loses its appeal to us. Towards the end of a bad D/s relationship, it is an easy signal that the relationship is dying when you realize you have not scened in over a months time.

The work that goes into preparing, executing, and cleaning up a scene is exhausting. This lifestyle is unlike a vanilla couple who decide to get naked and fool around. We Dommes have spent hours acquiring or making implements, candles, toys, and furniture. We spend a lot of time grooming ourselves to feel and look Dommish. The scene itself is exhausting, as the slave merely changes positions and enjoys the sensations, while the Domme works very hard on building up the suspense and extremity of sensations. We are responsible for their pleasure. We are responsible for their pain. We are responsible for their safety. A slave/sub is only responsible for his/her pleasure and for letting us know if they are losing circulation to body parts or are being given too much stimulation.

Being sadists, dacryphiles, Dommes, tops, and guardians, yes, it is a lot of work. We would not give it up for the world, though. If we are with a happy and appreciative submissive/slave, all the work is worth it. There's an incredible adrenaline rush that comes from successful scenes that makes up for it all. The sadistic orgasm is incredible (no, not a typical genital orgasm).

While we may have been tired during a scene, we have never felt it was a drag or a bore.

It is only a burden when the sub/slave does not appreciate it.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 14

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/31/2008 10:18:56 AM

MadameMarque

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What I first think of, regarding your question, is whether the dominant can let go, and experience abandon, especially during a scene.

I want to be able to, and wonder if it is a matter of the right person, so that your dynamic is such that you can go there.

And then, there is performance anxiety.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 15

RE: Is domination (or topping) always "fun"? ... - 10/31/2008 4:07:19 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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We don't play unless we both feel up to it. Sometimes it's a royal pain, when there's only a couple of hours in the week where you could play but you don't feel in the mood. It could mean two weeks until the schedule permits it again. But we deal with it because we've tried to 'play through' and it always backfires.

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Post #: 16

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