RE: Long Distance Domination? (Full Version)

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ExKat -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (10/30/2008 3:07:16 PM)

  To the OP, you say that you're seeking a RL dominant to train you. However, much of what he could offer wouldn't apply to your relationship (such as the real-life stuff: how to hit her with things, scratch her with things, etc).
As far as this relationship, I suggest you start thinking about what you want from it. Presumably, you're in it for the wanking, and, as such, thing of a list of things that get you off. Then, make the girl do those things. Order her to not wear panties, or to wear specific panties. Order her to write out her lists of fantasies, and then push her for the one fantasy so nasty that she left it off. Make her e-mail you X times a day, make her ask permission to do Y, order her to send you Z naughty photos a week.
  I'm not entirely sure what the goal of an online relationship is, but try and set one and then work on getting her there. There was a woman on here who needed permission from her online dom to go grocery shopping...he wasn't available, she was hungry for a few days. She needed permission to hang out with her children, he denied her, she was conflicted. Is that the kind of power you want? There are loads of brand-new subbie girls dying to do naughty things in a safe, no-risk environment. Make her buy toys and play with them.
   Really, if you can't think of any naughty things for this girl to do...maybe you're on the wrong website. What drew you to being a d-type in the first place?



xlocketx -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (10/31/2008 5:44:07 AM)

Well Mister,
Its not to say it can't work, atleast temporarily. I am in a situation where I am in concideration by a Master who lives approximately a provience away from me, but we talk online, as well as on the phone every day. I suppose what you really need to ask yourself is, is it worth the mental involvement in this person enough to accept that you may never meet. In my case we are meeting, I truly think he is the one for me, and hello or high water we will come together (I really hope in the next few months) But some people arn't so lucky.

If she is mentally involved enough with you to realize that true submission is very difficult when not face-to-face, she may come around. But if not the only way to get her to submit is mental-bondage, and only if she truly accepts it. Whats to say you tell her to do something, she says she's doing it and she lies? That is something you need to think about.

I wish you the best of luck though. :)



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/1/2008 12:46:48 PM)

i think it's great to start a relationship from online at first you really get to know the person. My master has no problem at all taking/being in charge just over the net...he already intimidates me by that! i can't imagine what it's going to be like irl!
But..i think if we were meeting irl at this point our relationship would fail just because it's easier for me to get to know him and what likes from over the screen at this point, that doesn't mean we don't intend to meet because we do...and last time we talked it seemed soon.
Different strokes for different folks.

Basically if you are a dom online you have to be creative...bahha i'm glad its my master who has to spend the time thinking on how to be creative and not me:D....but it sucks because he knows how to really get to me. If you two get along and have the chemistry that's all that matters for right now...you can be together eventually.



DesFIP -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/1/2008 1:10:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
is 3 hours a LDR?  Sounds to me like the 2 of you were to lazy to jump in the car and hve real sex.  Half way is 1.5 hours. 


We were 3 - 5 hours apart (traffic). We tried the meeting in the middle, I got lost and wound up in the next state.

We saw each other about every 3 weeks in good weather and more like every 6 in winter. Why weren't we meeting every weekend? We're both parents and their needs came first. So if he was leading a Boy Scout hike that weekend, I accepted that. If I was at a horseshow for the weekend, he accepted that.

Nothing to do with laziness, everything to do with being people who keep their commitments and who are devoted to being good and involved parents.



MistressOfGa -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/1/2008 3:21:05 PM)

OP,
I had a long distance relationship with my x-sub. The thing that I notice, that I didn't notice then, was how very lonely he was. He chose to not have any friends, or get involved with any activities at school. He lived the life of a hermit. I have regrets about this. I didn't forbid him from socializing, but he took it upon himself to always be available to me during his free time. I am happy to report that he now has friends, he is active in school functions and is a more functional person than when I had him. We spent about 2 years together before it became a LDR, so it wasn't like I had never met him. As a precaution, please try to encourage your LDR sub to have a life outside of the dynamic that y'all create together.
 
Just my two cents..



mstrj69 -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/3/2008 8:49:19 PM)

The one question not asked nor answerred is why doesn't she want to relocate and is this a permanent situation or temporary situation?  I would to need to know those answers before I could say if there was a chance it could work out short of your relocating to her.  That might be your only choice in the end.  Discuss the questions and the suggestion of you relocating to her and then you will know if it is worth continuing or not.



IronBear -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/3/2008 10:44:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShockTroop882

Recently, I have acquired a slave who currently lives quite a ways away and is decidedly uninterested in relocating. I understand that this is not the ideal state of the relationship, but i have to roll with what I've got. What are some of the techniques and methods that you've used if they slave is far away and cannot fall under the whip.

I am also rather new at Dominating, so I ask politely not to be angry if I ask for clarification on certain techniques.


To be brutally honest old chap, you may be setting a harder task for yourself than you need to. From what I gather you sound like you were ripe for the plucking for the first sub/slave who came along and shook your tree. You "have aqiired a slave...." You have found a slave who will accept your collar. So be it. perhaps it may have been better had you waited longer (Aye it is heard and heartbreaking I know this only too well) untill you found a slave who either lives closer or who was prepared to relocate after a reasonable time and you have both spent some time physically together etc etc etc.. Frankly since you two have not been together for long and thus I immagine close bonds are not yet formed, now could be the time to really discuss this relocation with her. Are you able to relocate? Do you want to settle for a LDR? From experience I cat tell you it is hard and can be heartbreaking unless you can arainge to have regular meetings (even oif you both travel to meet half way). If you are unsure, then do the manly thing and tell her you made a mistake and are granting her release so as to find something suitable for both of you.  I doubt all this is wht you want to hear and it is your choice if you take it on board or ignore it.. I wish you well!



MasterTslave -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/4/2008 4:53:14 AM)

That would be hard.  Maybe you could try her out for a while then you move if you want it to work...if not, try her out and get the hang of it then tell her she need to come to you or find someone else.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/4/2008 6:26:13 AM)

Learning to dominate someone long distance is, I think, a far better training ground than real life.  (boy am I in a shit stirring mood lately)

Domination is largely a mental process and I think not being in the same room makes it more challenging and thus is a more difficult exercise.  A woman doesn't get to react to my physical size, my sensual touch, the simple arch of an eyebrow to show displeasure, or any of the other tools one uses to impose dominion over another.

You are left with your mental agility, your ability to "see" deeply into some one's words and yes actions.  In today's world of cell phone cameras, web cams, and wasn't someone talking about gps collars the other day, knowing exactly what someone is doing isn't all that hard.

I think that having a relationship, one that has love and or at least sex in it, is "less" for being long distance for exactly the same reason I think it is fine for doing dominion.  All the things that can enhance or enrich a love/sex relationship are missing.

You can video a slave standing on their scale, you monitor them on an exercise bike, you can verify they are sitting their reading/studying/practicing positions.  You can test if they have read a particular book or mastered some subject.  You can verify if they have dyed their hair green or shaved it off.

And to get them to do any of that, you must be able to get inside their head and inspire them to do so.  If you can do that without any of the other tools that help when you are standing in front of someone, you will probably rock when you are in front of someone.

However, NONE of this is easy and most long distance relationships don't last.



Madame4a -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/4/2008 6:30:21 AM)

There are several local groups in the area you live.. I happen to live there too... and if you didn't attend last weekend, you missed one of the larger events in this year.

That said, there are meetings every week and play parties every weekend around here.  You might start out in some face to face situations and then choose someone you actually have met.

start here www.br.org -- they also have a TNG group which might be just what you need.. good luck



camille65 -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/4/2008 7:29:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

For some people a 3 hour distance would be blissfully close.  Just saying.


Nicely said!
3 hours is indeed blissfully close. Just over a month ago we were 1571 miles apart and had been that far apart for 8 years. Meetings were about every 3 months but we made it work.

Every night I would fall asleep with him watching me on cam, and I would wake up and share coffee with him again on cam. Phone calls happened many times every day.

Of course it was hard sometimes, wanting nothing more than to wake up in his arms or simply have the luxury of casual touch. He had me keep a daily journal and I wasn't allowed to censor my thoughts. I think it caused us to develop a mental closeness that I'd never before reached with someone. It was primarily a mental submission and dominance because the physical was only able to happen on those rare occasions.

Now that we are only a few hours apart ohjeez um bliss uhhuh. Bliss. Happy pet, happy owner.

I realise that it is not easy for most people but my physical problems actually made the LDR thing easier for me that an actual day to day relationship. Especially while I was emotionally adjusting to my issues because my body literally would not have permitted it. In cyber I was able to mentally/descriptively perform in a way that reflected real motion, while in real life I was bedridden and in no way able to perform. So I do understand that its a different situation than most but I can absolutely say that it worked for us.

Heh, thanks for the word 'bliss' Katy. Now I'm going to be smiling all day and feeling blissful!



lronitulstahp -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/4/2008 5:44:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Learning to dominate someone long distance is, I think, a far better training ground than real life.  (boy am I in a shit stirring mood lately)

Domination is largely a mental process and I think not being in the same room makes it more challenging and thus is a more difficult exercise.  A woman doesn't get to react to my physical size, my sensual touch, the simple arch of an eyebrow to show displeasure, or any of the other tools one uses to impose dominion over another.

You are left with your mental agility, your ability to "see" deeply into some one's words and yes actions.  In today's world of cell phone cameras, web cams, and wasn't someone talking about gps collars the other day, knowing exactly what someone is doing isn't all that hard.

I think that having a relationship, one that has love and or at least sex in it, is "less" for being long distance for exactly the same reason I think it is fine for doing dominion.  All the things that can enhance or enrich a love/sex relationship are missing.

You can video a slave standing on their scale, you monitor them on an exercise bike, you can verify they are sitting their reading/studying/practicing positions.  You can test if they have read a particular book or mastered some subject.  You can verify if they have dyed their hair green or shaved it off.

And to get them to do any of that, you must be able to get inside their head and inspire them to do so.  If you can do that without any of the other tools that help when you are standing in front of someone, you will probably rock when you are in front of someone.

However, NONE of this is easy and most long distance relationships don't last.
   Very well said.  Occasionally, some of us in "real" relationships may have to be seperated temporarily due to work assignments or family issues, and relying on this sort of relationship can be a reminder of what it is we desire in terms of our D/s dynamics.  The roots of which, as Michael pointed out, are mental.



babygirlkitten -> RE: Long Distance Domination? (11/9/2008 9:57:03 PM)

I have to say that while you are learning (or seeking to learn) technique from other Dominants in your area, it would probably be a not-so-terrible idea to be involved with an online submissive. This way, you can learn to be comfortable with the power dynamics, and learn the mental aspects that go along with Domination. The best Dominants I know don't need a single toy to bring a submissive to their knees.
However, I encourage you, once you become familiar with the more physical aspects of BDSM, to pursue that.



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