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RE: Shared responsibilty - 10/30/2008 3:21:55 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChampagneMojito

For those involved in long term D/s relationships, I was just wanting to ask if you ever felt there was an implicit expectation to have an almost flawless relationship? and does this bring it's own pressures? How can it be shared?

I will reject out of hand any potential partner that expects perfection in themselves, in me, or in a relationship.

John

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RE: Shared responsibilty - 10/30/2008 3:22:18 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I do not want a perfect relationship. Too much to worry about, and I dont really see a benefit to it. Perfection is boring. I rather prefer the imperfection we have and the interesting challenges it lays before us.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Shared responsibilty - 10/30/2008 3:41:41 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChampagneMojito

A question mostly directed at dominants.

For those involved in long term D/s relationships, I was just wanting to ask if you ever felt there was an implicit expectation to have an almost flawless relationship? and does this bring it's own pressures? How can it be shared?

I'm really speaking from the point of view that given the very candid nature of D/s, everything is discussed and the "infrastructure" is established, so even when the parties might not be at their best, the rules of governence kick in. The participants can be less than perfect but the dynamic rises above this. It must be extremely difficult at times for dominants, who are almost solely responsible for this.

Many thanks,
t.

It takes two active participants to create a stable, if not balanced relationship. i still have trouble envisioning a relationship where i as the submissive would have no responsibility in the outcome of that dynamic. If i fail to submit then there is no dominance. Is that his fault? Not every single thing i would be asked/told to do would necessarily be fun or cool or even what i feel in my heart is right (not speaking legally, just...not the way *i* would have chosen to do things were i making that decision for myself)...regardless of how i *feel* it should be done, i have agreed at that point to do as i was instructed to do. Now if that action failed...then i would fully expect the Dominant to adjust and take into consideration how to fix the issue. If he were unable to do that out of a sense of pride or whatever, then i would in fact question not his dominance in our dynamic but perhaps his maturity and life experience. That would lead to a breakdown in trust and that could potentially wear on the dynamic and lead to failure of the relationship. But its not a test....failures happen...mistakes are made....its not the crisis but the way the crisis is handled....(where did i read that today, mistoferin?...

). The responsibility is on both partners shoulders.

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RE: Shared responsibilty - 10/30/2008 4:24:35 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChampagneMojito

A question mostly directed at dominants.

For those involved in long term D/s relationships, I was just wanting to ask if you ever felt there was an implicit expectation to have an almost flawless relationship? and does this bring it's own pressures? How can it be shared?

I'm really speaking from the point of view that given the very candid nature of D/s, everything is discussed and the "infrastructure" is established, so even when the parties might not be at their best, the rules of governence kick in. The participants can be less than perfect but the dynamic rises above this. It must be extremely difficult at times for dominants, who are almost solely responsible for this.

Many thanks,
t.

At the end of the day, it's a relationship. There's a power dynamic involved, but still a relationship, plain and simple. And, like all realtionships, those involved would like everything to go smoothly all the time. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. I wouldn't put pressure on our relationship to be perfect. That would be unrealistic. Again, life doesn't work that way. As for sharing... The final decision in any matter concerning My girl and I is made by Me. But being it's still a relationship of two, we both have input, opinions, and concerns. I listen to everything My girl has to say and take it into consideration. That's how we share. Nobody is perfect. And decisions made can and will be wrong. It happens. But we're together for the long haul and anything "imperfect" that life throws our way...we'll overcome together. It may not be "flawless," but life isn't flawless. And it may not be perfect, but it's pretty damn close.

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RE: Shared responsibilty - 10/30/2008 4:47:52 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Like leadership and Carol, it's a shared responsibility for us. But we don't expect that we will do our utmost every single moment. We do the best we can considering the energy we have and all the other issues and responsibilities in our life.

What we try to focus on is what is best for the relationship as opposed to what would be best for one or the other of us. The major problem here is his sense of responsibility for me will sometimes skew his decisions and cause things to rebound on him because he doesn't want me stressed at all. So he overstresses himself. When there isn't a perfect solution the most practical decision isn't for one to burn out but for both to share the load.

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RE: Shared responsibilty - 10/30/2008 6:25:49 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChampagneMojito

It must be extremely difficult at times for dominants, who are almost solely responsible for this.

Actually, it's statements like this that cause more difficulty. The relationship is not solely the responsibility of the Dominant. The sub or slave has a responsibility, too. Going against your statement is what can often lead people to feel they're not perfect, in my observation.

Master Fire

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Post #: 26