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thndershadow -> Sorrow (12/14/2005 11:56:52 PM)
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If any of you have read my dilemna on "ask a Master", this only adds frosting on the cake or rather, shit on the shoe.
My family has basically disowned me for my lifestyle. This includes, mother, father, sisters, brothers, ex husband, my kids that live with ex husband and it goes on....
[:o] For the last two months, my mother has been fighting for her life. MS has taken its toll on her. She is on oxygen and is having seizures. She had died and been brought back imes than I can count.
This last summer, we had made up, and we were getting along very well. However, my step father still makes the rules in the house and is very best friends with my ex husband because my lifestyle they don't approve of. my oldest daughter in almost 4 yrs. She is now married, I was not invited to the wedding, even though everyone else in my family was. My 19 yr old daughter I have not seen since late June. She lives with her father. She does not call nor email me anymore. My son, who is 16 and went to live with his father this last summer, I have not seen since late June also. I have asked him several times to come home and visit but he is always to busy. As for legalities, his father has run up my atty bill having his atty send my atty bullcrap that means nothing, however my atty still charges 250 an hour to deal with the crap. So now i owe my atty so much that I have to get him paid off before I can go to court for my visitation rights. So all this in mind.....
As I said, my mother has been brought back several times. My step father does NOT call me. He calls my 17 yr old daughter and lets her know when her grandmother is in the hospital. My daughter has gotten several calls this last week. One night, my step father called to ask Michelle, my 17 yr old to come to see her grandmother before she passes away. But the only way she can get there is her BF, which is not an option or her father. She did call her father. My 19 yr old and my son both told Michelle they were going over on the 23rd and spending Xmas with my Mom and my stepfather. Her father told her they didn't know if they were going and he had to go. Michelle has been disowned by everyone for staying and living with me, because of my lifestyle.
When I called my Mom to make arrangements ( i was an RN before getting CFS) to come help her and be there for her, I was told to NOT come. My step father later called and told my 17 yr old that I nor my BF is welcome in their home and to stay away. My Mom is afraid that if my oldest married pregnant daughter finds out that I was there or having any conversation with my mother that my oldest daughter would have nothing to do with my mother again.
So here is the thing. I can't get Michelle over there to see her grandmother before she passes away. My daughter cries almost nightly. She does cry herself to sleep. [&o][:o]
And here I am, almost 40, and I can't see my Mother before she passes away. My Mom and I have had our fights and our problems, but nothing what it has become since my ex came back into our lives. OH and for those that have children and permanent restraining orders in their divorce papers? That restraining order will not hold up after the kids become teens. [>:] IF he pays any child support, he has a right to see his kids. Anything that happened over 5 yrs ago, is grounds to change the restraining order to null and void! [:(] I worked my butt off for that order and sent him to prison for battery and everything, only to be told when the kids became teens that it no longer mattered, he had changed. He hasn't really, he has just gotten smoother at beating and hiding it.
Anyway, this has nothing to do with bdsm, but I had to write it to someone or I was going to explode. I am on the verge of tears every time I think of my Mom. I cry nightly for my daughter. I mourn the loss of my other children. They won't speak to me, email me or answer my phone calls. Hell, I don't even have a phone number or address or town for my oldest daughter.
I am being prosecuted by my entire family for my lifestyle. Which is damn well hidden. I have been investigated by CPS. There conclusion was that the case was unwarrented. I do NOT and have NOT ever done anything in the house with the kids in it. I have NOT ever done anything in the house that would even chance losing my kids.
Needless to say, the rumors are flying and have been for yrs now. I have told my Mom the truth of my lifestyle and the rumors are not true. And for a few months, she was fine with it. But not now.
I just also found out that the woman that brought me into this lifestyle with her poetry and her chronic illness has passed away from the very same illness I have. We would spend hours in a chatroom talking. Now she too is gone.
My heart is crying out and I am sooo full of sorrow I can't see straight anymore. I wait all night and all day for that phone call from anyone? to tell me that my mother has passed away. I am not allowed at the funeral either. When I ask what I have done to warrant such a thing, my stepfather has no answer, just that he is uncomfortable with my lifestyle and doesn't want me around. [:(] And my Mom has not called me since all this began. She used to call me almost daily.
I feel as if she has already gone and yet, she hasn't. I can't make someone accept my lifestyle. I WON'T change it. I can't. I am a submissive, I can't just cut that part of me out, although at times I wish I could go back to the vanilla life just so I could have my family back. But even if i did, they would just find another reason to disown me. I think alot of it has to do with my ex and his unfounded facts. [:(]
Ok, time to go blow my nose and wipe my face.
If anyone lives in the Grangeville, Idaho area.....would you please contact me. I may not be able to go say goodbye, but maybe someone in the area could talk to my Mom and do it for me???
thnder
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