From your perspectives, please (Full Version)

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ValMari -> From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 12:54:19 PM)

I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful and thoughtful man who only wanted to worship me and be dominated by me. Every time the subject came up, I would tell him of my interest, but would not follow up with my promise.

Now, he is hurt and wary and no longer wants to be with me. At the same time, I went through many life changes that have finally allowed me to see the benefit, the power, the closeness, and the beauty of the type of dynamic he is proposing. I want this more than ever.

How can I gain back his trust and show him that I should be worshiped and I want to be? He is experienced, I am not, and I want to get this right...to start off on the right foot. Any specific suggestions for getting started and showing him my intent? Especially those of you who may have gone through something similar?

Thank you very much for any sage advice.

ValMari



DesFIP -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 1:01:29 PM)

Tell him what you told us but in more detail. What were the life changes that made you re-examine your thinking? Ask him if you could try it for a short period of time following which you both talk about what did or did not work.

You don't have to start 24/7. There's nothing wrong with just an hour after dinner on Friday night. If that works extend it to the whole night. And so on.

But in order for him to believe you, you need to do more than just promise again. You need to keep your word in everything, no matter how small. And you need to share with him what was holding you back before and why it no longer is.



ValMari -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 1:04:06 PM)

Thank you, that is wonderful advice. I've have an itch to jump into things fast, but I bet the best thing to do is gain the trust back little by little. 



CelticPrince -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 2:43:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ValMari

I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful and thoughtful man who only wanted to worship me and be dominated by me. Every time the subject came up, I would tell him of my interest, but would not follow up with my promise.

Now, he is hurt and wary and no longer wants to be with me. At the same time, I went through many life changes that have finally allowed me to see the benefit, the power, the closeness, and the beauty of the type of dynamic he is proposing. I want this more than ever.
 
 
VM,
 
In addition to what Des had to say start exposing him to your Domme new you.
 
CP 

How can I gain back his trust and show him that I should be worshiped and I want to be? He is experienced, I am not, and I want to get this right...to start off on the right foot. Any specific suggestions for getting started and showing him my intent? Especially those of you who may have gone through something similar?

Thank you very much for any sage advice.

ValMari



MasterFireMaam -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 3:08:58 PM)

Ask him what it would take. One of the important things about relationships is that you communicate honestly and openly. Explain why you did want it before and why you want it now. Then, most of all, back up your words with action.

Master Fire



xxblushesxx -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 4:58:33 PM)

It is also possible that this just won't happen with this particular guy, so, you may have to be open to a new relationship sometime down the line.

I also need to ask this; are you the type who is not interested in someone until they are no longer interested in you? Be honest with yourself about that. You could be shooting yourself in the foot. (ask me how I know...)

Good luck!



trueshadow -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 5:25:11 PM)

Although your change of heart is a positive factor, I'll bet he is hurt and perhaps feels rejected.  Sometimes things can be changed, sometimes they cannot.  One can only ask him, if possible, and try a second time. 

If you show you are sincere in you desire to be worshipped and to dominate him, perhaps that will make a difference in how he feels. I agree that  you must be careful to keep your promises and be truthful.  However, I must say that a good Domme is difficult to find, and if  you are available for him, he might give you his submission.

I hope that you don't disappoint this submissive again.





antipode -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 5:29:44 PM)

I would love to make positive noises, but I can't. I think you blew it. Move on.



KatyLied -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 5:39:54 PM)

quote:

I would tell him of my interest, but would not follow up with my promise.


I only wait so long.  I guess my interest in any given guy has an expiration date.

You can be honest and have talk with him about it.  I'm not sure it would work for me.  Unless I saw some immediate deliverables.  And it's sort of for him to decide what sort of deliverables he needs to see from you.



NuevaVida -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/1/2008 7:59:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I would tell him of my interest, but would not follow up with my promise.


I only wait so long.  I guess my interest in any given guy has an expiration date.

You can be honest and have talk with him about it.  I'm not sure it would work for me.  Unless I saw some immediate deliverables.  And it's sort of for him to decide what sort of deliverables he needs to see from you.



What she said.



stella41b -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/2/2008 9:38:26 AM)

I had the exact same situation happen to me here in London a couple of years ago. She was an inexperienced domme, and I was in the situation of your submissive.

This went on and off on and off for about 14 months. We exchanged over 60 e-mails. We met three times, once for coffee, once at one of her friend's apartments (the friend was out) and once at my apartment. She wanted a slave, and I was at the time open to such a relationship.

I spent two months writing a daily journal for her. When she came to my apartment we sat, talked, and shared our only bit of play - she caned me. We got on, there was good contact, but...

She came through after so long, and I had just about given up and she wanted immediately total control, and.. I baulked. I baulked because (1) my process of submission is pretty lengthy and (2) I didn't have much confidence in her as a dominant to motivate me to give up control and transfer authority to her. She wasn't prepared to give me enough time to be able to do this and this is how it ended.

I somehow sense from the OP that this is a similar situation. However I have also been on the other side of this situation and didn't follow through, and this cost me what appeared to be a very promising relationship and gave me a hard lesson in following through on my commitments.

However that saying I'm now in a relationship with another inexperienced domme who also didn't follow through despite the fact that we spent Christmas together two years ago and have continued a friendship throughout with different relationship interests on both sides. But here there's more chemistry.

And this is the key to whether another attempt will work out or not - the chemistry between you. It's important to communicate effectively and honestly and also to take that opportunity when it comes.

Some opportunities don't come back for a second time and the same can be said for some people.

Whatever happens I wish you all the best.



ValMari -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/2/2008 4:26:04 PM)

All of your input is cherished. Thank you, dears!



composer83 -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/5/2008 10:53:43 AM)

trust is important.... trust must be earned, it is the basis of all relationships kink or nilla. i think if You stick to Your dominant instincts, finding that You love to exercise that part, & become comfortable in that skin. that's when it will work. he doesnt have a 'submissive mask' he wears. its his true face. only another true dominant face will allow the relationship to thrive. no masks here.



VampiresLair -> RE: From your perspectives, please (11/5/2008 11:04:24 AM)

Because you have already shown that you do not follow up on your promises, you may not get that second chance with this person. Talk to him and see if he is still even interested in the attempt. Keep in mind the answer may very well be no. You may come across as finally giving in and humoring him if you suddenly start doing what he wanted. He doesnt believe you are dominant, or at least not interested in dominating him because you have already shown him you are not. Second chances are not gauranteed, so if it doesnt work out with him you need to decide if you want to be with him and give that up or if you want to look for someone with whom you can explore your new found interest in being dominant.

DV



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