RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community

RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (Full Version)

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FourQ -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 3:26:43 PM)
Personally I have no problem telling others what I've been through, it's their problem to sort out what they do with the new information. As for personal information, it's simply not an option. I wouldn't have a problem saying that I obliged an ex with (insert absurd fantasy here)... What I'd never divulge is who! More often than not I find the people I'm talking to do exactly the same. Those who give me too much personal information (names, locations etc.) find the conversation is ended abruptly.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 3:32:52 PM)
My ideal would be that anything that happens in a public forum eg. play party, would stay private among the people who were at the party. My reality is that anything that happens in the public eye should be considered to be "not private". There are people everywhere whos mouth will get them - and others - in trouble. I haven't heard of any instances in the local scene of people being outted - but i have only been here for nearly three years - but the possibility is always there.

NorthernGent -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 3:38:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tavinia How much privacy can I expect? Gossip makes the world go 'round.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 4:40:39 PM)
I tend not to share information about others in -any- venue, unless I am told to disseminate the information. I don't gossip at work, don't tell tales out of school at events, and don't share information with strangers except in completely neutral, non-identifiable terms (which means not including things like dates, locations, etc.). On the other hand, I don't -expect- any privacy for things I do in public. That's why I'm "out" to anyone who might have a vested interest in knowing about the generalities of my existence. Again, no real details, but if someone -did- hear something about me doing a scene, or if someone I knew showed up at an event, I wouldn't have to worry about being "found out" and risking my job, etc., because the folks who could have issue found out the basics from me, and they know that, if something -did- come up, they could ask me questions and get honest clarification. In general, I am not a trusting person, and I wouldn't trust any public group to keep a 'secret' for me. The only secrets I would trust would be the ones I keep to myself--and since I consider it a mark of honor that the others in my household are treated with absolute integrity, there are a bare minimum of things that I would choose to keep to myself (and then only stuff like planning a surprise for someone or something like that).

Rover -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 5:31:06 PM)
Keep in mind that the historical foundation for discretion and privacy was related to ensuring that what happens within the BDSM community stays within the BDSM community. In other words, Leather folk wanted to maintain their anonymity to the vanilla community... not from one another in the Leather community. After all, even in these forums, we are "out" to one another to one degree or another. It would be silly to presume that we wouldn't talk to, or about, one another. John

mbes -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 6:00:13 PM)
The standard for our local group is that what happens within the group, stays within the group. I'm good with that. As for the decision on things that happen between my partner and me, I'm more private than he is, so if I'm ok with it being shared, he probably is as well.

pinkwind -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/2/2008 6:22:33 PM)
i have the same expectations regarding our private life together, and others and their lives, as i would have in a purely vanilla relationship. Basically i make a positive virtue out of not pandering to or revelling in gossip of any sort so openly that if others involve us it would more than likely backfire on them. Gossip is something i do not enjoy nor participate in, and being open books with little drama in our life, if others find something about us to gossip about it would be either miraculous or a tissue of untruths or a combination of both, and the people we class as friends would know that. We both have the greatest respect for each others sensibilities, and that of our friends too, and are able to talk to those close to us about almost anything, including relationship issues, although we hold it paramount that the first people we speak to is each other before taking things outside of our core relationship. Although i know i don't need Andy's permission to talk frankly with close friends, out of courtesy i would let him know i felt the need, and if i could put it into words, would give him the reason/s why. To some this so called openness of the "lifestyle" seems to enable them to trample over the sensibilities of others with impunity, and thankfully those folk tend to be easily spotted and avoided. Just because we are an open book does not mean that the world and it's wife should necessarily take a prurient interest in the minutia of anyone's lives, invent drama where none exists and broadcast it for their own amusement. Bottom line is if you don't like small minded people and the gossip they spread, avoid them and don't buy into it.

candystripper -> RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community (11/3/2008 4:08:52 AM)
I do not attend 'play parties' because I do not have anyone in my life I want to 'play' with atm, and I do not happen to have exactly that kink for exhibitionism. Expect whatever you like of other people. Humans being what they are, the reality is, you pretty much have to accept that whatever you put out there for public consumption might not always be used in way you're comfy with. I would think the fear of geting their ass sued off would keep most people from revealing to your employer, etc., that you are on public display for spanking, e.g., every Saturday night...but obviously it won't deter everyone. There are some vicious asswipes in this world. candystripper [sm=pole.gif]

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