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Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 11:46:42 AM   
tavinia


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/24/2007
From: OR
Status: offline 		There have been other threads that discussed, or ranted, on the level of gossip that occurs throughout the lifestyle community.  I hope that this thread will not become a reiteration of same; however, I would like to pose the question:  What is your expectation of privacy in the open community that is WIITWD? Do you live by the creed of "what happens at the [play] party stays at the [play] party," or do you feel that is a "public place" and as such is fare fodder for gossip? What if something happened between you and a partner?  How much would you share, to whom, and why?  Would you seek your partner's permission before sharing intimate details?  Why or why not?  Does your role in the relationship, Dom or sub, influence your decision (i.e. Do you feel that your role entitles you to share)? I ask as a private person, who does her best to keep private things private - and for me, what goes on between consenting adults in a private setting, say a private home, is and should remain private.    How much privacy can I expect? 

edited to remove duplicate line

< Message edited by tavinia -- 11/2/2008 11:53:03 AM >

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 11:57:24 AM   
westside


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/28/2004
Status: offline 		Great question....

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 11:59:43 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		The same as in vanilla life...the more you tell..the more others can spread.
Never tell strangers to much and you will be fine.
Always think about what ..to whom...you want to tell something

(in reply to westside)
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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:02:44 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		~fr~

good question!  IMO I believe that 'what happens at the play party, stays at the play party'.  I don't play with anyone that doesn't share that mindset.

Also, regarding perhaps more intimate play, or play with someone I've had a relationship with - I wouldn't discuss that in detail with others either.  I might say 'I've tried xy and it was fun', but I wouldn't go into the details.  To me, something that intense between two people is akin to sex (even if it doesn't include sex).  To discuss it with others seems tacky and disrespectful. 

Just my two penn'orth.

MoS

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:03:03 PM   
tavinia


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/24/2007
From: OR
Status: offline 		I concur, and frequently find that the less said the better; however, I can control only my own tongue, and have to rely upon the discretion of others for the rest. 

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"Only my Master will touch my sacred lotus blossom."

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:03:41 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		You just hit on one of the reasons I generally have no desire to be part of the "community".  I live in a small town, I already have all the gossip in my life I never needed.

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:06:30 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tavinia

I concur, and frequently find that the less said the better; however, I can control only my own tongue, and have to rely upon the discretion of others for the rest. 


If I post anything to a free and public message board {on the internet}, in my mind, it is the same to announcing
it "publically" to the hundreds of thousands that read this board, or could dig up
what I have said "publically" here at any time, even 5 years from now, it is that simple.
 
If you don't want the world to know, don't make it public.
Common sense ain't always that common for some folks, though.
Another words, if you put shit out here folks, it ain't a secret, anymore.


_____________________________

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


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"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to tavinia)
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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:10:42 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think the same as with a normal relationship, don't tell everybody and certainly do not put it on a message board...

However if somebody would use a forum as a way to rope people in, the person would be mentally unstable and dangerous, then I think the need to warn others before something happens would outweight the need to be discrete.

(in reply to tavinia)
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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:13:47 PM   
tavinia


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/24/2007
From: OR
Status: offline 		True and well said, MzMia... and as you can see I don't post all that much, for that very reason.  Posting anything on-line is like announcing it via a PA system; the difference is the size of the megaphone and the duration of the sound. 

With that said, I would like this thread to focus on what happens away from the computer. 

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~ tavinia ~

"Only my Master will touch my sacred lotus blossom."

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:13:48 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

The same as in vanilla life...the more you tell..the more others can spread.
Never tell strangers to much and you will be fine.
Always think about what ..to whom...you want to tell something


Simplest and blatantly the best advice.  Good rule to follow.

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:26:15 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Don't expect BDSM peoples and venues to be any different regarding privacy than everyday life and you will be pretty much set.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:27:56 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		First, one must consider the expectation of privacy inherent to the many different venues in which Leather folk gather, and the nature of what might be shared in a public fashion.  Not all venues, or people, can or should have the same expectation of privacy.
 
By way of example, if I am presenting at an event, and both the event and my name and biography are advertised in a public fashion on the net, I should have no expecation of privacy inherent to my presentation.  People can talk about it as often as they like.  But if I'm at a munch, play party, dungeon, or event as an attendee rather than a participant who has been advertised publicly, my expectation for privacy is substantially greater.
 
In this regard, local communities are pretty much self-policing.  But it's safe to say that folks who do not abide by community standards for discretion find themselves disinvited from participation.
 
John

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(in reply to tavinia)
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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:32:07 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I don't ask Daddy's permission at all to post anything period. We just don't feel the need for me to ask before posting It's not abour our roles either. I am  capable of deciding what's apropriate and what's not. Like I said I know what's acceptible to share, and what'd upset him because it wasn't my place to share that info. For a a hypothetical instance I know that topics like daddy has a really bad rash all over his body,  it's all red and scaley  and weeps, what could it be, Wouldn't be ok, because that's his business and not my place to spread about.

If I wanted to I have and would tell close friends every juicy little detail of what Daddy and I did at the playparty.Why, because it's fun to gossip with close girlfriends about stuff like that amongst me and my girlfriends.

I'd also post about bdsm interactions on the net too, and used to write down my experinces at bdsm parties and kink events and posted them on writing.com

And I post openly about other stuff  and aspects of my life too.  Now, as for play parties, The confidentiality clause differs from group to group, but it's always been  as far as my understanding, you may describe actions but not the person the action belongs to.

For example, You could say there was this really hot couple on the cross and he flogged her then carved some intricite designs on her back then lit them on fire. However you may NOT Say mark and anne were there, and I saw tony, and they were doing .........

I personally don't have any expectations of privacy when I go into public spaces and do things. I know that some people do not respect the privacy clause and probably do gossip indiscriminantly about things and do use names ,and name names of people there. And it doesn't bother me. I have nothing to hide and if  it was blabbed about I was at a play party being fucked I wouldn't care.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tavinia

There have been other threads that discussed, or ranted, on the level of gossip that occurs throughout the lifestyle community.  I hope that this thread will not become a reiteration of same; however, I would like to pose the question:  What is your expectation of privacy in the open community that is WIITWD? Do you live by the creed of "what happens at the [play] party stays at the [play] party," or do you feel that is a "public place" and as such is fare fodder for gossip? What if something happened between you and a partner?  How much would you share, to whom, and why?  Would you seek your partner's permission before sharing intimate details?  Why or why not?  Does your role in the relationship, Dom or sub, influence your decision (i.e. Do you feel that your role entitles you to share)? I ask as a private person, who does her best to keep private things private - and for me, what goes on between consenting adults in a private setting, say a private home, is and should remain private.    How much privacy can I expect? 

edited to remove duplicate line

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:35:07 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tavinia
Do you live by the creed of "what happens at the [play] party stays at the [play] party," or do you feel that is a "public place" and as such is fare fodder for gossip?


Those two choices are at opposite ends of the spectrum and there are certainly lots of choices in between.  "Gossip" is a strong word that has negative connotations by definition.  You can talk about something with others that are into kink without it being gossip.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

In this regard, local communities are pretty much self-policing.  But it's safe to say that folks who do not abide by community standards for discretion find themselves disinvited from participation.


And I'm glad my local community follows this idea quite closely.


Cali


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(in reply to Rover)
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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:46:11 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tavinia

There have been other threads that discussed, or ranted, on the level of gossip that occurs throughout the lifestyle community.  I hope that this thread will not become a reiteration of same; however, I would like to pose the question:  What is your expectation of privacy in the open community that is WIITWD? Do you live by the creed of "what happens at the [play] party stays at the [play] party," or do you feel that is a "public place" and as such is fare fodder for gossip? What if something happened between you and a partner?  How much would you share, to whom, and why?  Would you seek your partner's permission before sharing intimate details?  Why or why not?  Does your role in the relationship, Dom or sub, influence your decision (i.e. Do you feel that your role entitles you to share)? I ask as a private person, who does her best to keep private things private - and for me, what goes on between consenting adults in a private setting, say a private home, is and should remain private.    How much privacy can I expect? 

edited to remove duplicate line


I think that everyone who puts up a profile and/or participates in the forum here, gives up a certain degree of privacy; in regards to what they share online.

I think if privacy and anonymity is truly what one seeks, they would just read, and not correspond, post or put up any identifiable information about themselves.

Gossiping is annoying and does create uneccesary drama, but in this venue, it's the risk we take when we post and put up a profile. Just my two cents.

(in reply to tavinia)
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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 12:48:27 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have NO expectations in regards to anyone; within this 'so called life' or out of it.

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 1:35:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tavinia
What is your expectation of privacy in the open community that is WIITWD?

Most people tend to be pretty paranoid and closed off on sharing information and outing people, so it's not something I worry about.  However, I never expect anyone to be responsible for my information and take full responsibility for whatever I put out there.

quote:

Do you live by the creed of "what happens at the [play] party stays at the [play] party," or do you feel that is a "public place" and as such is fare fodder for gossip?

Within the scene, play parties are practically a petri dish for gossip. 

quote:

What if something happened between you and a partner?  How much would you share, to whom, and why?

Depends on what that "something" was.
quote:


Would you seek your partner's permission before sharing intimate details?  Why or why not? 

Well if it's my partner, I already pretty much know what he's ok with sharing and what he isn't.  If I'm not sure, I ask.

Why?  Because I consider that the respectful thing to do.

quote:

 Does your role in the relationship, Dom or sub, influence your decision (i.e. Do you feel that your role entitles you to share)?

Not really. 

quote:

I ask as a private person, who does her best to keep private things private - and for me, what goes on between consenting adults in a private setting, say a private home, is and should remain private. 

Private parties are still public groups.


quote:

How much privacy can I expect? 

Ultimately, zero.  You are responsible for whatever you put out there.  Most people are nice, decent and will act just like you expect any vanilla group.  But ultimately, it's yours to control.  Once it's out, it's out.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 2:12:03 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, whatever I do anywhere and whatever I post, I accept that I have no control over how it's used or viewed, or whether it gets discussed. I don't have any expectations of privacy, 'though I might still prefer it.

If I cared a great deal, I wouldn;t put myself *out there* at all. Simple as that.

agirl



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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 2:22:56 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't expect privacy when dealing with online situations, but in personal relationships I do, but that doesn't mean I get it! lol  Anything true I have no problem with.  Anything not true I typically don't have a problem with, but sometimes will.  It depends on what is said. lol

Gossip and braggers are in every walk of life.  If I had as much fun as people say I did... whoa... I would be writing my life story book!  I just get on with my life no matter what is said or not said and figure I have to consider the source in all things.  Anyone with a big mouth, even though I am not hiding anything... they don't get to hear the good stuff. lol  Anyone who betrays me... well... like I said, it depends on what is said.  I trust very few, so when someone is trusted with something and spills the beans... I will sometimes give them a lil beano.

I don't actually see a community... I see people and they are what they are.

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RE: Expectations of Privacy in an Open Community - 11/2/2008 2:34:25 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I work on the basis that if it happens in public, it is for public consumption.  If it happens in private, it is not.  Which is not to say I do not write about it, but that is what "fiction" is for.

I may post about my actions in private, my relationships (heck my ic blog is a partial commentary on my private vanilla life) but i edit it carefully, and tend not to mention other people.

(in reply to agirl)
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