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All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 8:48:43 AM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		I'd like to know how you guys cope with sudden and dramatic change in your lifestyle/ relationship. Master starting talking to me on Monday and by Wednesday i was collared 24/7 with a great clamp down on my freedom (no choice over clothes, spending money, what i eat etc) plus i am in diapers at work. This is after eight years together, six of them married, with always gradual change - always His decision, but real slow change. Suddenly everything happened.

It's not that its bad, infact it is good, but so scary and humiliating at work, plus i'm nervous about what else He might change next. Bed time has changed beyone recognition as well. i'm often tied down, but last night i stayed tied and gagged all night!

Does anyone have any advice or experiences they can share? By the way Master reviews everything i do on this website.

sally
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 8:56:37 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Really you're doing what you can. Just keep asking your master questions and letting him take you where he wants to take you. No one else's advice is going to do more than simply going through the experience and building things together.

Personally I'm worried that he's being rash and impulsive and it will eventually drop off and leave you both frustrated (at best).

But if this is the path you are going on- just keep communicating with eachother.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 9:08:08 AM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, if He sees you saying He is rash and impulsive i will be in big trouble! i hope he overlooks it.

Thanks for the advice, i guess i am crying out for help as i feel very alone during the working day, much much better when i get home to Him, then everything makes sense.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 9:29:07 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Why would you get in trouble for someone else's opinion? Big red flag in this relationship.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 9:46:48 AM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		i don't know why, He told me to come on here and learn everything i can, but He get angry when someone else last night criticised Him. He has gotten harder this week with me. But we have been happily married for six years!

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 9:48:05 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

i feel very alone during the working day


sally,
you are NOT alone. Those standing orders that you must comply with while at work, the collar on your neck, the restrictions on your diet, and all the rest are talisman representing your Master. The purpose of ritual, the purpose of wearing a collar isn't for others it's for you. When you feel venerable, alone, scared, you can know your Master is there just by touching your collar. you know he is protecting you even if he physically is not with you.

As time goes by, with the help of these talisman, you'll begin to feel as confident and comfortable with your slavery outside his presence as you are in his presence. At some point your Master may decide you don't even need them any longer. Remember the most important part is that you are working toward a deepening of your relationship. What others think of it, is NOT important.

your Master seems to have thought this out very well. Your relationship had gotten to a plateau and the rules he has implemented appear pointing to a higher peak. Having 8 years of history I'm sure he's sure you and he are ready to go further. Trust him.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 10:55:47 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Well if you dont have a problem whit how things are changing and the speed then good for you, but if you do have a problem whit it sit him down to talk.

me and my fiancee have been together for over 7 years, and we are now working on a D/s relationship, we are werry consious aboute not letting it go to fast.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 11:31:54 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Ask him if you can go to big boy diapers...like Depends.
Get some of your dignity back.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 11:54:34 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Clearly you are not comfortable in your situation. Which is why after 6 year's you are here asking for advice. Hoping for what?
You fear him. That is not a dom. You respect a dom because they have worked to gain your respect. Fear does not make a person a dom.

As Aileen stated there are many red flags here. However, you are married and have been for some time. So, how come the two of you have not communited well enough to work them out in all of this time?

Sounds like counseling is in order there are some excellent kink aware professionals out there. I suggest you find one. It may be the only way for the two of you to be happy.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 12:17:57 PM   
AlderTheKitty


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline 		yeah just the way he seems to not want any imput from you is disterbing and even if he knows what he's doing he should be asking for you opionion

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 12:18:42 PM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure that you can ask him to slow down, I'm sure he'd understand if the change was too sudden. I don't wanna say that there are red flags, 6 years of marriage you would have noticed red flags already. Obviously you trust him, but everyone has there limits. You have more guts then me I don't and won't bring my Sub life into the public view. Granted, in my proffessional life I'm like scary dominate hahaha. But yet again I'm in the Military so I honestly can't relate with you too much, just to say that if you are truely getting freaked out beyond the point. I'm sure he'll understand if you want to ease into it abit more. Sounds like an understanding man if he wants you to learn here.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 12:58:53 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Lots of people seem to think He is bad for making so much change so quickly. i asked him about this and He is making it for both of us. He said He thinks quick change is better because it gets any discomfort over with. We often talk about things together but i always defer to Him as my Master. i don't make decisions and my thoughts are expressed to Him as ideas/ worries/ concerns for Him to address as He sees fit.

i'm not against the change. i don't like the collar at work but i do like my collar! i like the change but am struggling with some of the rapidity, but this is also exciting. i wish i could explain it better.

(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 1:03:53 PM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		Well it sounds like the change is good. You probably just need to keep the communications line open between you two. Talk about how certain things make you feel, that may relieve some of the stressors.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 1:37:09 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I dont see the things he is getting you to do as a dramatic change in your relationship itself. Your relationship is already established, it has been established for 8 years. I think i recall in a different post of yours that you have always been submissive in this relationship and you are happy.

You could see the changes as a challenging new adventure, some spice and fun added to your already established relationship. Your Master hasnt changed, he is the same person he has always been. You havent changed, you're the same person you have always been.

Sure you are having some of your boundaries pushed, but see it like a fun challenge. You said you were "nervous" about what he might try next, is it a fearful nervous or a mixed one that has an undercurrent of excitement for you? i bet its the latter.

One thing i read in a previous post, something about sometimes when things start quickly, they can also drop off quickly. I think this is something to watch out for too. Once you start dabbling with exploring and pushing boundaries which cause all kinds of emotions, if you stop suddenly you both could be left with a kinda void feeling which could be damaging to your relationship.

Well, good luck and have fun.

(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 1:37:35 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Jusr make sure that you continue to comunicate so you dont end up in a situation you realy hate and dont know what happend.

(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 1:48:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
One thing i read in a previous post, something about sometimes when things start quickly, they can also drop off quickly. I think this is something to watch out for too. Once you start dabbling with exploring and pushing boundaries which cause all kinds of emotions, if you stop suddenly you both could be left with a kinda void feeling which could be damaging to your relationship.

Well, good luck and have fun.

I agree with thise here.

While I am concerned with the fact that he seems to have a sudden need to push hard and push fast (rarely is that the best course of action to take), I am more concerned with HOW he is pushing hard. Many of these things are being noticed and requiring shifts in work and other daily performance- such as being told not to eat anything during the day as it's too difficult with the collar she is now wearing. These things are not necessarily unethical or wrong, but they certainly skate the line of what I consider "good in the long term."

As well this sudden beating because he doesn't like what someone else says about him combined with a sudden flurry of advice posts to an online board versus openly communicating...all of it adds up to a big confused mess.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 2:02:13 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

As well this sudden beating because he doesn't like what someone else says about him


Yes, i'd like to hear more about that. I sometimes worry over giving advice on posts here, we can only assess someones life by the few posts they have submitted and i know myself sometimes i express myself in a way that comes across in type a different way than i meant it.

i guess what comes across to me strongest in sallysally's posts is that they have been together 8 years and are happy..which makes me think...things arent as bad as they may seem regarding some of the aspects that would be red signals in newer relationships.

who knows..ugh..i certainly dont.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 2:08:34 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for this. The pace of change is actually increasing if anything. Master called me today and told me to get two dog bowls - we don't have dogs so i strongly suspect they are for me. Someone in a message to me said she ate from a dog bowl then He tells me to get two.

The eating at work thing i don't mind at all, i want my collar even though i am getting laugther behind my back at work. And wearing the collar means it is hard to swallow anyway.

What i am not looking forward to is going to stay with my parents tomorrow. Yesterday Master met me for lunch and He chose a frilly pink satin "fairy doll" type dress with stitched in petticoats and a great big bow. He did not say what it was for, but i feel sure it is to wear tomorrow at my parents.

in response to slavejali, i do see it as an adventure, but that doesn't mean it is not frightening. It is both scary and exhilerating at the same time, mostly it is scary not becuase i don't want a collar or don't want him telling me exactly what to wear, but it is fear of the unknown - what is going to happen next, like this dog bowl thing.

Oh well, if i wasn't up for it i should never have become a slave and, one thing is certain, i am a slave!


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 2:11:00 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, we are happy!!! But i do get beaten, especially if i disappoint Master and i hate to disappoint him.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: All change for slaves - 12/16/2005 2:32:37 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		One thing, if you can not swallow whit the collar you are wearing it is to THIGTH, it so not fit, this is not healthy, the same as whit dogs and cats, you should be aber to get two fingers easy between the collar and the skin, and it should not restrict breathing, eating and swallowing. It restrics your Energies, and remember there is alot of sensetive stuff in your troat you do not want squesed.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 20
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