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Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 9:35:52 AM   
Flummoxed


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline 		Hi, I'm very new to all this, and not even sure if BDSM is my thing.
But maybe I have been denying my true self.
Anyway, I have a question (one of many no doubt) what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?
I'm confused, and frightened
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 9:39:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My own personal desires, my own personal resonances, my own personal interests all seem to gel very well within the archetypes and nuances and focii of the "bdsm" sub-culture.

Given that, individually I'm extremely "atypical" of your normal bdsmer.

I fit and yet am unique. It's finding that balance that matters.

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 10:08:14 AM   
Crazytwice


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline 		Hi Flummoxed,
I'm equally as "flummoxed" at times. Very new as you are.
I find that if I keep in contact with this culture, either by exchanging e-mails, reading /writing on the boards, meeting for coffee, whatever, I'm less afraid.
It's starting to feel more normal.

Hang in there, it's a very very slow process (for me anyway) but it does get easier with time.

Feel free to write to me and we can exchange thoughts/ideas.

Sincerely,
CT

_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 10:18:06 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?


the fact that there was a name for the desires that burned inside me :)

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 10:27:48 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
For me it took having a man be dominant over me on a date to wake me up to the notions that I may have interests in S&M.
If you are scared I'd advise learning as much as you can about this lifestyle as knowledge is power.
Read books, join munches, talk here in the boards and take your time.

Rule number one for me in the beginning was if it didn't feel right it was not right for me. Don't let anyone tell you well if you were real you'd do such and such to prove it. I say do what you're comfortable with and stay true to your dreams.
Good luck,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 11:06:36 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world


For me it was looking at the types of "kink" I enjoyed, the types of relationships I was attracted too. My preferences were all over the board and changed dramatically based on the situation. Once I examined them closely I saw a common theme. All were related to a dynamic of control, authority, or power. It was a "duh" moment, as I was familiar with bdsm but certain aspects had turned me off and thus I failed to identify with it for a long time.

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 11:50:31 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Anyway, I have a question (one of many no doubt) what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?


I don't know that I am cut out for the BDSM world. Parts of it I am. I definately am cut out for the power exchange part aka D/s. The B part aka Bondage.
SM...well really not so much.

Basically what I am saying here is, you need to define what it is for you. When I hear "the BDSM world" I automatically think of play only.
Play is a mere fetish. The lifestyle goes much deeper than just a fetish.
For some it doesn't. So, define what it is to you and go with that.

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 12:06:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
Play is a mere fetish. The lifestyle goes much deeper than just a fetish.
For some it doesn't. So, define what it is to you and go with that.

Play can be a lot more than just fetish.

There can be a lot of emotion and spirituality connected with any type of activity, including bdsm type ones, perfectly comparable to the depth of one's lifestyle.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 12:09:26 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

There can be a lot of emotion and spirituality connected with any type of activity, including bdsm type ones, perfectly comparable to the depth of one's lifestyle.


There can also be nothing attached, which was the point I was making.
It depends upon the individuals involved.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 12:26:22 PM   
AlderTheKitty


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline 		it was the realization that i wanted someone who could lead me through life and teach me how to make them happy

i knew i wanted to be a slave subconiously before i know about bdsm

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 1:09:17 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		The underlying dynamics of a Master/slave relationship really resonated with me. I'm kinda adventurous too so the play is a fun time for me and a nice addition.

(in reply to AlderTheKitty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/16/2005 2:00:06 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		For me it was realising both that i had the need to be under somone`s control and the wish to feel sexual pain, and this i realised rather young.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/17/2005 7:17:06 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Flummoxed
Hi, I'm very new to all this, and not even sure if BDSM is my thing.


Welcome to the neighborhood!

quote:

But maybe I have been denying my true self.


Maybe. Or maybe not. It's entirely possible that you enjoy having bdsm fantasies, but will never enjoy the actual act. That's perfectly legitimate. Some folks enjoy playing Masters and slaves online while they have no interest in ever doing it iRL, and that's legitimate too (so long as they don't confuse it with the 'real thing' and realise it's just interactive porn).

quote:

Anyway, I have a question (one of many no doubt) what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?


As far back as I remember having sexual fantasies, they were about bondage, torture and control.

quote:

I'm confused, and frightened


It is a little frightening, but at its best it frightening like a roller coaster ride. Just keep your wits and common sense about you at all times.

If you want to write privately to discuss whatnot, feel free, though you have other such offers on the thread (and I suspect you'd prefer to chat things over with another woman, anyway).

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/17/2005 10:28:05 AM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe your confused because some aspects of bdsm really rock your boat but other things arent for you. Just go with what works for you and everything else will fall into place.

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/18/2005 12:27:52 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Anyway, I have a question (one of many no doubt) what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?


For me, i had all of the thoughts and ideas of bdsm, but i didnt know there was terminology for what i thought or felt until i was introduced to the lifestyle. So for me it was a inner comfort to finally realize my place.

So, i never had fears, I curiously embraced every thought, feeling and teaching and STILL do after 5 years. Im always openly curious.

I've not had the fears or denial of who i am. So dont know how much of a comfort my words can be.

Best wishes,
BTs willing



_____________________________

Definitely A Journey!

(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/18/2005 3:50:15 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?

littleone


quote:

the fact that there was a name for the desires that burned inside me :)

IrishMist


Yup, yup. (Boy, is IrishMist bright!)

candystripper

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/24/2005 7:29:21 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		Btw, is "Aren't I" grammatically correct? There needs to be a word like "Amn't I."

Actually there is: the proper contraction of "Am not I" is "Ain't I," but for some peculiar reason the grammatical forces that be have decided that this eminently useful contraction is illegitimate.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/24/2005 8:48:38 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I agree with many here....

When I realized that what I had dreamt of and fantasized of, was actually being lived and practiced by others...

and that I could choose to as well...

wow!

What a thought!

(in reply to Manawyddan)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/24/2005 9:00:20 AM   
peppermint379


Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Anyway, I have a question (one of many no doubt) what was it that made you realise you were for the BDSM world?


If you discover the world of BDSM and it lights a fire in you, it "might" be right for you. After having that fire lit, if you begin to read everything you can and hungrily want to know more, then it "might" be for you. Once you've read everything you can find, if you do a soul searching and discover that BDSM answers those questions about you that you could never before find the answers to, then BDSM "might" be right for you.

So far this path should have taken you many months, or as in my case, years. At this point i found a trusted Mentor, one who could give me a taste of what the BDSM world was all about. Experiencing what i'd only read and thought about before made me realize that this was what was missing from my life. It was only then that i knew for certain that i was part of the BDSM world.

The hardest part of all this was the soul searching. What i call "skeletons in the closet"...past events had to be relived if only in my thoughts. It was time to lay those skeletons to rest so that i could be free to start this new path.






(in reply to Flummoxed)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I or Aren't I ? - 12/24/2005 7:50:40 PM   
ToServeIsToLive


Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		As i learn more and more things consistantly fit with personal beliefs and feelings i've had for most of my life. i pretty much realized as soon as i saw it existed.

(in reply to peppermint379)
Profile   Post #: 20
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