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RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 5:46:10 PM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

I'm sure you've figured this out for yourself, but generally, the people that attempt to message him without your knowledge, etc -- aren't people you want to associate with anyways. If they're turned away from the idea of a conversation that was in the comfort zone, maybe they did have other intentions.

Personally, I think it is terribly rude and disrespectful. Especially the ones that want to steal him away (as opposed to the ones that just want masturbation fodder) - who in their right mind would be happy with someone they seduced away from another person, and what would it say about someone's character to give in to such a seduction?

I do recall, however, myself even -- I messaged Fox first before you-- I was just looking for friends way before we learned this would be so complicated -- and I messaged him first just because I also wanted to ask about the budgies in one of his pictures at the time. However, I certainly didn't have any issues with you monitoring that -- because I intended to meet both of you (crazy world sometimes how that actually worked out).

Now in terms of my own communication -- Master has my passwords and will read my messages when I ask him to -- but he doesn't go out of his way to read them unless I ask, usually. I do look to him for advice for the ones looking for masturbation fodder. One of the favorite ways to respond now, to the particularly obvious ones, is just to send a blank reply back. There was one person who continued to hold a one sided conversation with me for about 10 messages each, with only blank replies from me. It was quite amusing. Master also does not limit me in anything that I write to/in reply to people from my own name. The couples profile is primarily his though (he does not have an individual profile) and although we communicate about it, I don't write to anyone on it without express permission.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 21

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 5:49:59 PM

lilmisssubmiss

Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline

They prolly want to get off on your twos relationship--idiots.
They obviously have no respect for him if they get upset about that...so why even talk to people like that? People will be people, ignorant, arrogant and rude. Just brush them off.
Seems like Fox is very loyal to you, that's really cute and that's all you need to worry about, although i see why you are so annoyed.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 22

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 6:32:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Perhaps I'm just an anti-social kinda person, but I don't understand why a dominant would want to talk to someone else's slave to begin with.

Well in our local crowd, the answer is most likely to get information on the next event, swap cookie recipes, or ask about going to a movie together. What does orientation or ownership have to do with it? I'm somehow less knowledgeable on the latest tv season because I'm owned and thus no one would want to dish over the latest episodes with me?

It's the internet, so right off the bat, 90% of the people are just wankers who want to poach and are easily dismissed.

The others however may have understood the general "ask permission before speaking" rule, but then get frustrated and irked at MORE restrictions and just feel it's not worth the effort when you have to map out an entire "land of conversation." Do you make it a point when giving permission to give them the list of rules so they are INFORMED of the consent you are giving?

I respect masters and slaves who have particular rules for their relationship, that doesn't mean it's going to endear them to me. At some point I'm going to say "So not worth the effort" and just move on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 23

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 7:54:34 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Perhaps I'm just an anti-social kinda person, but I don't understand why a dominant would want to talk to someone else's slave to begin with.

Off of the top of My head, I can give you some examples. One would be a comment on a forum post, to say that what was written was appreciated or well done. Another would be concern for physical health, if it was mentioned that person was ill. Also might be included a note of congratulations at a collaring or an engagement.

All of the above, I've done in regard to DV's Fox. I'm well aware of her rules about what contact he may have. I always acknowledge her place as his Dominant any time I write to him and wish her My regards.

That's not such a difficult concept, is it?

I would like to talk to Kyra about her experiences in immigrating to Canada. (and yes, I petitioned KoM first). Why would I not want to talk to an interesting person, regardless of their orientation?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 24

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 8:06:05 PM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

This would just stump me. People trying to come in under the guise of friendship only to try to circumvent your authority in ya'lls relationship to get some wank fodder, or possibly try to sabotage what you have.

Rat bastards!

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 25

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 8:06:26 PM

CollaredChicklet

Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline

67.98339% of people who use statistics make 'em up. :P
haha... seriously. I get pretty frustrated especially when people who send emails will send "copied and pasted" messages to me. I mean, it's bad enough that they don't read the part of my profile saying that I am happily collared in real life, and that I don't look to serve anyone else! But it is even worse when they do that AND don't take enough time to even write a message.. even someone naive can tell a pasted message from a typed one. urgh!

_____________________________

"The sea was calm, your heart would have responded gaily, when invited, beating obediently to controlling hands" --T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 26

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 8:25:45 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Someone was wondering why would anyone wish to talk to someone's property. For my it is usually because i may have known that sub/slave over the years prior to her being collared and wish to retain a friendship. I may well be that the sub/slave and I share an interest in common and even have a mutual desire to share aspects of that interest like my 9thC Irish Calligraphy and Celtic Document Illumination where one lass and I are sharing our creatoive tallents and learning new tecninques from each other. I do the same reit regard with my cooking where one lass is a or was a senior chef and she is coaching me in proffessional techniques and such so I can improve the dishes served and cooked by me at Bruin Cottage to top class restaurant standard eventually. In each oif these cases I have either emailed or phoned the owner of the respective slave, seeking his or her formal agreement to allow such interchanges of ideas. In the process I have been able to make new contacts who I do enjoy for themselves. Those who know me understand well that I am not a social person and thus such adventures are rather special and treated as such and treated with respect.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to CollaredChicklet)

Post #: 27

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 8:29:09 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Do you make it a point when giving permission to give them the list of rules so they are INFORMED of the consent you are giving?

Yes, they are. When I give them permission to talk to him on messenger, they are told in that email that he is not allowed to discuss the specifics of his trained and our sex life. I always phrase it as if its something I shouldnt need to say but will anyway. So, it isnt like they are walking in blind and then shocked when he has conversational rules.
And it isnt like there are tons of them, just the 2!

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 28

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 10:38:30 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A good friend of mine has a saying: "You'll meet some nice people on the internet...and some of them might actually be real." Given that the vast majority of kinky online people have never stepped foot inside a real meeting, munch or demo, I'm not sure why this surprises you. Doesn't mean it's not annoying, though!

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 29

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/3/2008 11:20:01 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

We've got to 'step foot inside a real meeting, munch or demo' or else we're fakes?

Huh.

I guess I missed that bulletin. Shucks.

candystripper

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 30

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 1:19:56 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

We've got to 'step foot inside a real meeting, munch or demo' or else we're fakes?

Huh.

I guess I missed that bulletin. Shucks.

candystripper

Not what I said or what I meant to imply. Since you mistook what I said, I obviously didn't say it well enough. Let me try again.

What I DID mean to imply is that, for the vast majority of people, where they learn the rules is online...and these rules sometimes aren't the rules we learn offline...such as those about how to respectfully interact with the Dominants and Owners of subs and slaves we wish to speak to.

What I DID mean to imply is that the vast majority of people who are online, and online only, are here because they like to role play online.

"Vast majority" does not mean "all". It leaves room for the exceptions such as yourself and others (who are probably active on the boards). You know that I avoid make sweeping generalizations; they are simply rarely true.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 31

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 2:45:03 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair
They get tired of it and tell him they dont like dealing with "someone else's rules".

I really don't understand what you do not understand about this. They asked for permission, engaged him in conversation and tired of the boundaries so they moved on. Does asking for permission to talk to him somehow obligate them to continue talking with him for all eternity?

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 32

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 4:04:18 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Perhaps I'm just an anti-social kinda person, but I don't understand why a dominant would want to talk to someone else's slave to begin with.

Hmmm...wow, because they are people too?

I talk to all kinds of people, both on and off the boards.

There are dominants as well as submissives i have made good friends with and i maintain those friendships.

MaamJay and i have exchanged little gifts through the mail (i love her and her other halfs music), Abraxus and Mistoferin both telephone me to see how i am feeling, or ask how to do something or just to chatter with me. The only thing Scooter or Jewel feels about either of those events is happy for me.

There have been occasions when contact with another dominant by another sub in this house has caused an issue, i will say that. I am just not easily influenced and have no trouble telling a would be wanker or thief to go F#** themselves.

While i really do not have any rules about who i talk to or about what, if a dominant has those rulers in place then yes, absolutely, they should be respected by those conversing with their property.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 11/4/2008 4:06:03 AM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 33

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 4:12:07 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Some of my favourite people are other people's slaves and submissives. I have no problem at all talking to them. I've also had no problem with a master or mistress being bothered by me talking to their slave/slubmissive.

It really is no different than being friends with a married person. You acknowledge the existing relationship and operate within the boundaries of it's existance. Sorry, if someone made a new rule that we can only communicate with the single and unattached, I am not following it. Arrest me, go ahead.

Some of us really need to quit making being a slave, submissive, attached person, out to be more than it is and start acting like mature adults instead of school children.

"OMG she talked to my boyfriend!!! That slut!"

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 34

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 4:23:07 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

If they are looking for fast cyber on chat they might feel they can not play while restricted by your rules and so decide to look on and not bother with your sub.

Maybe it seems rude they move on, but if their time is limited they might not feel like they can waste it on laying out a playing field first. So i would suggest really they are polite and respect your ownership and so they don't try to persist and corrupt or waste anybodies time.

In my experience with on-line contacts for play (i like to play slow; e-mail, not chat) many Dom types do not like to be hampered by the real time Dom-type rules (it cramps their style so they claim) They might try to corrupt me...this game can be a bit of a power trip for them; to try and come out on top and have defeated the real time Dom... when they fail usually they are bad losers and accuse me of being a waste of time and my Dom weak for letting me be on-line and so on.
Some Dom types get frustrated if there seem too many rules and if they have too little imagination to navigate the field, then they might feel blocked and give up.
Most Dominants like the sub to be open and willing for play with no limitations, ideally the on-line Dom will have total orgasm control.
So really they should look for a single person...but ah there must be something wrong with a single person because why doesn't anybody want them eh?...so of course anybody owned must be better!! It seems that there are many insecure Doms about unfortunately.

And then people get bored soon aswell and just stumble across someone with more 'promise' so one gets dumped sometimes without even being told so... cyber is so fickle

If however you are talking about general chit chat and on-line friendships; I do not understand why a Dominant should have any problems with rules a sub is obeying.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 35

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 4:36:17 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

been there before - a dominant messages me wanting to chat/meet ...i tell him i have to ask Daddy first however they disappear after being told that ...i even had a dominant tell me whenever you decide to dump your Daddy, look me up ...i don't play by His rules.

funny thing is the "rules" aren't designed for the relationship i happen to be in - Daddy's rules are more like general dos and don'ts for meeting/dating.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 36

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 4:51:28 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Some of my favourite people are other people's slaves and submissives.

Grins, good morning Beautiful!

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 37

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 6:44:02 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

This depends. Do they know all these rules before they ask permission to talk to him?

If not, they may be surprised.

Even if they do, seeing a list of rules is not the same as having a conversation that runs into walls. That can get frustrating and why continue a friendship or discussion that becomes frustrating especially when it's just online with someone you really don't know?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 38

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 7:20:43 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

I used to have a similar rule at the beginning of my slavery with my former master. The rule was in place because I had not yet learned to create healthy boundaries for myself. His concern wasn't so much with what another dom might say to me, but how I might respond to it.

That said, it was my rule, placed on me to follow. I had to ask my master for permission, I didn't have to tell someone else to ask him for permission. If a dom didn't want to wait for me to get approval for that, then he/she would move on, and it was no biggy. I can certainly see a dom not wanting to ask my master for permission for something. Said dom didn't know my master from adam and probably wouldn't want to jump through hoops just to converse with me. Again, it was up to the dom to decide if he/she wanted to go there or not. If he/she was offended, then he/she would move on and we wouldn't talk. Either way, my focus remained the same - - on my master. When asking if I could talk to Joe Dom, I would be asked why I want to talk to him, what I think we might talk about, and where I knew him from. After we talked, I would let my master know that we did, what we talked about, and how I felt about the conversation. The rule was between my master and I, and really had little to do with anybody else, or imposing anything on anybody else. Anyone I talked to, dom/sub/non-D/s, whatever, knew that my former master was privy to those conversations and I would not keep secrets from him. It was rare for him to want to see emails, IM's, or receive detailed descriptions of phone conversations. He saw more email/IM conversations between other sub/slaves and me than other doms, due to my asking him for input on how to deal with someone's "weird" behavior toward me.

I suppose in setting up such a rule, an owner should keep in mind that not everyone will appreciate it, and factor that in. Then there's no surprise or offense when someone doesn't want to follow it. It's a free world (sort of). People get to decide what works for them and what doesn't.

As for the question of why a dom would want to talk to someone else's slave - - when owned I had lots of dominant friends. I learned from them and I shared with them so that perhaps they could learn from me as well. When owned, my master approved of a friendship I had with another master who owned slaves and whose thought process was similar to his, in ways. I talked to him fairly regularly and those conversations helped me with my perspective when I needed it. The friends I have with dominant people now go beyond M/s, D/s, BDSM and LMNOP. We're friends. We talk about work, families, life, music, etc. I don't know if in the future I would give myself to someone who wanted to restrict me from such friendships. To each his/her own, of course, but that being said, to each his/her own for not wanting to follow someone else's protocol.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 39

RE: Someone elses rules - 11/4/2008 7:50:08 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Does he really need to have all those online friends anyway? What's the purpose? What is the actual benefit to it?
Isn't it somewhat like a guy allowing his hot girlfriend to be 'friends' with lots of horny single guys, and when they continually cross the line with regards to inappropriate comments, staring, questions, he gets irritated -- in reality, why even put the person in that awkward situation anyway? Why is talking to random strangers on instant messenger so important that it's worth even a moment of irritation for either of you? Unless one or both of you enjoy the attention on some level?
It sounds like you have kinky friends already that you trust - opening up instant messenger is like welcoming droves of morons into your world. Protect that contact information like you do your personal phone number instead of treating it like a party line and the number of idiots and amount of aggravation will be reduced.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 40

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