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Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 8:36:26 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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The other day i was kinda upset at something stupid. There was no reason to be upset , but for some reason i was. Master said what is the problem with you there is nothing to be upset about i will fix it. Well i don't know what came over me and i pulled away from Master and said don't talk to me like that. (still can't believe i did that). I know better but i was a little upset.

Needless to say i am gonna get displined for that. The only reason it is not a punishment is because Master knows i only acted out like that is because i we upset. I have not recieved it yet knowing i disspointed him is the worst, but once i get my displine it is gone and we move past it.

The thing is he is holding it over my head. I asked him Master how long are you going to hold this over my head? He said as long as i think i need to. I hate displine, but i want to get it over with. I know he is the master he can do what he wants. I know he loves me or whe would not bother to displine me.

My question how many subs/slaves has had a punishment or displine hung over your head for a while before you finally got it?

Please forgive any spelling errors.

Matt's littleone

Post #: 1

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 8:41:39 AM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

The other day i was kinda upset at something stupid. There was no reason to be upset , but for some reason i was. Master said what is the problem with you there is nothing to be upset about i will fix it. Well i don't know what came over me and i pulled away from Master and said don't talk to me like that. (still can't believe i did that). I know better but i was a little upset.

Needless to say i am gonna get displined for that. The only reason it is not a punishment is because Master knows i only acted out like that is because i we upset. I have not recieved it yet knowing i disspointed him is the worst, but once i get my displine it is gone and we move past it.

The thing is he is holding it over my head. I asked him Master how long are you going to hold this over my head? He said as long as i think i need to. I hate displine, but i want to get it over with. I know he is the master he can do what he wants. I know he loves me or whe would not bother to displine me.

My question how many subs/slaves has had a punishment or displine hung over your head for a while before you finally got it?

Please forgive any spelling errors.

Matt's littleone

I don't know that I can help you littleone but take comfort in that it will only be displine. What you really have to fear is his discipline. Now that would really hurt and a whole more than your pride.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 2

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 8:49:09 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

i have had a version of this, but in the end He decided that i had beaten myself up over what happened so much that the mental anguish i had put myself through for disappointing Him was enough.

i feel for you, but if you have the same kind of relationship as i have with my Master, you have to let Him decide when and how, tough as that may be to handle.

hugs

gabrielle x

_____________________________

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~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 3

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 8:52:33 AM

RayvenGoddess

Posts: 77
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

Well, I'm not here as a sub/slave so sorry if this isn't the point of view that you were seeking. I have used the non-punishment as punishment before, but generally only for serious infractions were the sub really disappointed me. The anticipation of the punishment, and unknown of what and when it will happen, is sometimes punishment enough. Also like you said, sometimes I would not need to do any form of punishment because the sub was upset afterwards and in effect they punished themselves by mentally beating themselves up. Is it possible that this is what your master is doing to you?

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 4

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 8:58:54 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

   Maybe the 'having it hung over your head' is with good reason.   To think about why whatever it was upset you and why you did something you know better than to do.

Bottom line is this- we, normally, are content with saying those who are Dominant in nature are not perfect.   Generally we accept that.   However, we often times put an expectation of perfection upon ourselves; "I was not perfect--therefore I deserve to be corrected for it"  and we allow these imperfections these human err's to cripple us because somehow we see failure in ourselves.   Once the punishment is over we feel freed of the error, remind ourselves we must never repeat it and go on.   However without thought to what really caused the error to begin with how on earth is one to correct that mistake internally.   Sure next time you might not be harsh with him but you might get upset in the future.   So you stuff whatever is upsetting you and it lays there and festers.

     I have had a delayed punishment.   Sometimes you are overwhelmed with dread.   Best to use the delay to really think about why you were upset what caused you to be upset in the first place and deal with that part first.    Journalling always helps me even if I rip it up and toss it afterwards.    I've said, in the past, "I apologise for my behavior towards you.   I was upset and have truly thought about why I was upset.   It really had nothing to do with you, but I took it out on you and for that I am sorry. "

    This opens the door for communication.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 5

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 9:00:01 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

That IS the punishment, the waiting. Typically I find it gets held over as long as it needs to for HIM to feel better about it. So long as it falls into my definition of fair and reasonable, I'll suffer what needs to be suffered until it's time to get the licks or have the talk, and be done with it. Fortunately for me, if there's ever a real problem it results in a prompt discussion (unless I need time to go cool my heels).

(in reply to RayvenGoddess)

Post #: 6

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 9:35:21 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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Well, we hardly employ the whole punishment dynamic at all, but insofar as we do, I'm a firm believer in dealing with issues when they arise, not later. If I want to punish something, it gets done immediately. If that cannot happen, that it gets let go. In neither case do things just linger around. My wife and I value the positive vibes that happen when we snuggle in bed every night so pretty much any negativity in our lives MUST END by 9:00pm or so *laughs*.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 7

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 9:45:14 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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Maybe i was not clear it is not that fact that i get upset that i am getting displined for. Master allows me to express my emotions. It was nothing Master did it was just the situation. What i am getting displined for is the pulling away and lashing out. He said he would handle the situation, and he did so not sense in getting upset.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 8

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 10:15:10 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

It does seem that for many subs, delaying punishment is -part- of the punishment as we will do a just fine job of feeling bad and self punishing in anticipation and having the issue hanging out there unresolved. Hope this gets resolved for you soon so you can get back to feeling good about yourself and your service to your Master.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 9

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 11:04:47 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My Sir will not discipline while angry, so the few punishments i have received have been delayed - and the delay is worse than the punishment - and that is the point. I think part of the thinking is that i have to submit to the wait and the punishment, and not complain and want the wait to be over.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 10

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 11:29:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

This tactic tends to be very clumsy, very ineffective, and often more damage creating in the long term.

The most effective behavioral training techniques are implemented as shortly after the initial behavior as possible and clear communication is made to reach understand and actualization within the person.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 11

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 11:34:55 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

From my point of view, it's an ineffective tool and way to do things. It causes issues in the long run.
Ah poop, I just look like I am mirroring Em.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 12

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 11:45:12 AM

RayvenGoddess

Posts: 77
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Maybe i was not clear it is not that fact that i get upset that i am getting displined for. Master allows me to express my emotions. It was nothing Master did it was just the situation. What i am getting displined for is the pulling away and lashing out. He said he would handle the situation, and he did so not sense in getting upset.

Matt's littleone

I would never punish anyone for their expression of their emotions. Your master is right to not be restrictive in that area. Yet the fact that you pulled away and were harsh towards him, well, that perhaps hurt him. I know that it would have hurt me, especially since if I had told you I was going to take care of the situation. It may not even register with him, but your lack of control when he is there to make things right in your world could be seen (subconsciously, and I'm not saying that this is an absolute) as an attack on his ability to take care of you or your trust in his abilities. I'm sure that's not what you meant but people can harbor emotional issues like this from long ago relationships. As kiwi mentioned, I too never discipline out of angry or slighted emotions, so maybe he is giving himself some time to process and figure out exactly what your punishment will be. Not everyone can be emotionally ready to punish A.S.A.P. after the incident (especially since my first response would be in line with my sadist side but that might not be considered a punishment by a masochistic sub), so sometimes we doms need a while to calm ourselves down first, and then figure out what to do with you.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 13

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 12:12:06 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

Master delays punishment for many reasons- from making me contemplate my ways and how to better myself to mundane considerations such as -do I have to go to the doctor's this week (no need to explain bruising). He will often remind me I have an "appointment" and let me stew. Before any punishments are meted, discussion has taken place and everyone is clear on exactly why this will happen- and that it won't occur again. He will never discipline at the moment of transgression- in some things I am more cognitive than a dog (in others, Pavlovian training works quite well

).

As in most things when you are owned (in the long-term, by someone you trust with your life), you must accept His decision to make you wait. As Master often reminds me, "Do you think serving someone is always easy?"

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(in reply to RayvenGoddess)

Post #: 14

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 5:56:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He may be waiting until he isn't angry. He may be waiting until he feels you've beat yourself up enough. He may be waiting until you figure what was really going on with you.

The question I have is how does this effect you? For me, it would likely cause a repeat of the behavior but worse simply because it would be deliberately causing me anxiety attacks, and I would pull away from anyone who thought that provoking an emotional disorder was a good thing to do.

Talk to him about how you're feeling so he knows what he's doing is going to get the response he wants and not something that is an unwanted side effect.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 15

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/4/2008 9:46:07 PM

Barelily

Posts: 96
Joined: 10/8/2008
Status: offline

Sounds like hes waiting in order to make a longer lasting imprint on you and it seems to be working, or he may merely be mulling it over. Just a couple of guesses.

Disclaimer: This post was made in response to the post made by littleone35 and is based on my opinion and experiences only.

_____________________________

"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that that take your breath away."

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 16

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/5/2008 7:05:15 AM

SrchngCpl73112

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2008
Status: offline

We go thru this at times....there are times that he is too angry to handle it rationally at the time and needs time to think about the situation and sometimes will realize he actually made more out of the situation than needed so there isnt a punishment or discipline rather. For the most part he doesnt need to punishment me at all...i do a good job of doing that to myself...we discuss things and he may guide me in the right direction but there is no need for actual punishment. I punish myself for not being perfect way more than he could ever punish me. He tells me all the time i am way to hard on myself and that i am only human just like he is and will make mistakes. That is a hard concept for me at times because i hate doing anything to dissappoint him. It kills me inside so i stress myself out at times way to much beating myself up. That is something we are workign on together to change in me.

He just may need time to think about the situation and may realize it wasnt as big as he thought it was when it happened. He may realize you have beaten yourself up about it enough and dont even need punishment. Who knows so just try to talk about it. Dont push him but when he is ready discuss it and try to figure out what made you angry in the first place.

Last night i did something i have never done before. I yelled at him. I couldnt believe i even did it myself. I felt he wasnt listening to me about somethign we were discussing. He told me to go away from him and think about what i was trying to say. I do have a problem expressing myself sometimes in the right way. I got very hurt and stomped off like a hurt little girl. I just knew he was going to be so upset with me. When i came back to my senses and went to him he wasnt even angry. He understood and he told me we could talk if i could talk without having an attitude. He did tell me in that very stern voice of his to never yell at him again. And believe me i wont. I just had to share that. Sometimes we do things when we arent thinking and the end result isnt near as bad as we thought it was going to be.

Good luck! (HUGS)

(in reply to Barelily)

Post #: 17

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/5/2008 9:47:25 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I can't be doing with the whole 'disappointing him' thing. I don't have the ability to disappoint him as he knows exactly what he's got. He's been cross, frustrated and generally pissed off on occasion....but disappointed, nope.

I've had penalties hanging around because he's not physically been here to deal with it, but there's never any confusion over the fact that it'll be dealt with the moment he is.

So, no..I tend to know exactly what's in store and why.

agirl

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 18

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/5/2008 9:51:48 AM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

Daddy has used delayed punishment/discipline before. For example, I am to contact him to ask permission to do certain things, at the times he isn't available, I am to text him prior to acting so that he will at least have proof that I thought of him prior; one day I did not do so. Instead, I texted him afterward and he was not happy. I was feeling a little froggy and when he told me that we would have to talk about my disobedience when I got home, I said something along the lines of "whatever." What followed was his assurance that I would be receiving something, to remind me of my place. I still pushed a little and he ultimately discribed some of what would take place. I was shaken by what he said. For the next hour or so that I was on the road, I was trembling with fear of what was awaiting me at home.
Needless to say, I was handily reminded of my place and was left unable to lie on my back or even sit down for a few days. I got what I deserved, that is without a doubt.
I think the delayed punishment/discipline was more effective than if we had been in the same room when I had mistepped. I think however, that I would go out of my mind waiting if it were more than a day or two. I imagine that I would build it up in my mind so much that it would almost be a relief when it was over. As a side note, I have to admit the fear and nervousness about what was coming, really just made me more turned on. Shhh, don't tell Daddy!

BLGirl

(in reply to SrchngCpl73112)

Post #: 19

RE: Delayed Displine - 11/7/2008 12:23:42 PM

littlemisssnarf

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline

if something is playing on your mind and soul then it is really not stupid as it is troubling you!

x

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let the sun shine on your soul and smile...

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Post #: 20

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