· the neighbors complain that your kids do full body cavity searches when playing cops and robbers.


· your daughter uses Twizzlers as floggers.


· you go into the playroom and discover an interrogation chair built
entirely of Legos.


· you come home and find them tickling a bound and gagged babysitter.


· they hand you the body harness and leash that they used as toddlers when it's time to go shopping.


· your 12 year-old crawls over and eats out of the dog dish.


· your son wants to know when he'll get his allowance, because he needs to pay his tab at the hardware store.

· you tell them they're too old to spank and they try to assure that they aren't.


· your daughter speaks wistfully about being confined to the playpen while the other children played in the room.


· you yell out to your son to come and do his chores and he tells you he's busy right now...and you check on him and find that he really is tied up right now.


· your three year old is strutting around with clothespins hanging off his tongue.


· their favorite game is Cowboy and Dominatrix.


· your son earned his merit badge in tying knots...twelve times.


· they won't play Twister because they don't want to say "red".


· you notice her Barbie doll has G.I. Joe on a leash.


· the 13 year-old begs for his first bra.

Psst....

There is a super-secret school all Doms attend. Knowledge of this kinky institution is a closely guarded secret. Revealing its location is punishable by death!

Nah, you say?

It must be true. How else would they all know?

Know that exact tone of voice that turns the simplest request to a command. No matter that i'm dead tired and feeling entirely unsexy, The Tone curls around my belly, slides down and starts
the juices flowing.

I hate that!

Then there's The Grip. Natural and unobtrusive as breathing, His fingers twine in my hair, effortlessly gripping and pulling me to Him. This instantly transforms my knees and will to jello.
I'm helpless to resist as He guides my head to the location of His choice.

Sigh!

But then the worst is The Look, a piercing study that bares my every thought to said Dom. The Look conveys a stern reminder of His Dominance and my submission. Rational though instantly
ceases and I fall prostrate, kissing His feet.

They all know this!

Must be that school. But don't tell anyone you heard it here!

Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here's a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM.

Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.
Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass. Then draw a red circle around it. Finish up by putting a slash through the circle. (should turn out to be the international no-spanking zone sign)

In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.

During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.

If your dom/me tells you to 'Look me in the eyes', do it cross-eyed.

If your dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say 'Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!'

Decorate your dom/me's leathers with oil painted neon polka dots and stripes

Place a whoopee cushion on your dom/me's favorite chair.

Use the toybag for dirty laundry. Forget to switch the contents back before the next play party.

Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.

When getting flogged, start singing 'This is the song that never ends...'

Become a sarcastic practical joker (worked for me).

Learn a language your dom/me doesn't know and then speak only in that language when you are together.

Become prone to incessant giggling.

If you're trussed up and ordered to count, inform your top you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.

Have a wig made up matching your hair color and style perfectly. It'll be worth the expense to see the look on your dom/me's face the next time your hair gets tugged and it comes off..

Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered (like in figure skating or diving)

When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.

If you take a message for your top, write it on a post-it and stick it to your rear.

Tell your dom/me a better way to do whatever it is being done to you at that moment.

Learn the following phrases:

Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself!

What do I look like, your maid?

This isn't a restaurant.

In your dreams!

Who died and left you boss?

I don't think so!

Homey don't play that game.

Yeah, right!

Use them as often as possible.

Only speak in movie quotes.

Give your dom/me a massage while wearing a joy buzzer.

Send your dom/me an invoice for your services.

After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell 'Gotcha!'

Go in the toybag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.

Ignore your top until he/she utters the magic word.

Starch the floggers.

Whine.

Urinate in the dungeon and in the toybag, claim you're marking your territory.

Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)

I snuck in when you were ummmm busy yeah thats it... busy... and I .... played Inquisition... yeah yeah... LOL....

Isn't it funny though how some of these things really do sneak into what our kids do... My daughter who is 8 bound both her brothers, 5 and 3, together with her jump rope... I walked past their room and there they were... struggling to get free... After I composed myself enough to speak without laughing I asked her why she tied them up... she looked up at me half hearted from her art work and said very casually..."they were annoying me".... I laughed for days... The little Domina

Master T's imp