dreams and desires (Full Version)

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slavejali -> dreams and desires (12/17/2005 4:15:56 AM)

ive read a few posts here where people have been saying they have had dreams or desires or fantasies of being a slave or Master/Mistress from a young age. I'm one of those people, i found however, that when i actually entered into a Master/slave relationship all that stopped..but for years and years i had them from since i could remember. I cant blame them on my circumstances in life, i cant blame them on something i watched on tv. I used to wonder how a child of such a young age could even think about something like that, how it could even be in my mind.

Mine went something like this: (it was from around 3 or 4 years old)
i would be captured and taken to a place. There were many many slaves of all different ages. All kinds of slaves, from domestic slaves to sexual slaves. It was a very big setup and network. I would be told that my parents were dead and that this was my home now. There would be 3 Masters and 1 Mistress in that estate. It was like it was a business. People would come to the estate who knew of everything. Slaves were bought and sold.
There was a place where really bad slaves went that i was shown, i was shown bad photographs of things that happened to slaves that were very disobedient. i was branded, whipped, locked up, trained (how could a young child know of such things?). There were breeding areas of the estate where slaves that got past a certain age and were good breeding material had babies that would be then sold into slavery. There was a school inside the estate for slaves to be taught just everyday things you learn in school. It was very complex and detailed.

My questions are regarding dreams and fantasies from a young age are:

1. What age did this start for you?
2. Was there anything you can think of in your life that could have provoked it?
3. What did the dreams or fantasies entail? Where they just random, where they very detailed? What was the general outline of them, the main themes?

I'm kinda embarressed to share this, but its a subject that interests me because of what I've experienced, so i hope people post to it.



camigirl -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 5:08:49 AM)

quote:

My questions are regarding dreams and fantasies from a young age are:

1. What age did this start for you?


It started around puberty for me.

2. Was there anything you can think of in your life that could have provoked it?

Nope

3. What did the dreams or fantasies entail? Where they just random, where they very detailed? What was the general outline of them, the main themes?

Mine were always of being kidnapped...held captive in a room, or tied up outside to be used sexually by my captors of which there were at least 2 of them, sometimes more. They were pretty detailed. My captors always treated me well, made sure i ate and bathed, never "hurt" me.
Its kind of funny, my dream hasnt come true and i never fantazied of falling in love and making love, which did happen. Hmmm...

camigirl



mistoferin -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 5:32:56 AM)

For me, like you, my earliest remembrances are at about 3 or 4 years old. I had this big toy box and I would take all of the toys out of it, climb in and close the doors and masturbate(after I learned that I would get a stern "Stop Diddling!" from my mother if I tried to do it more openly). Back then the theme was the usually the same.....the guys on the TV show Emergency would respond to an emergency call and the emergency was always me tied up or it was them tightly strapping me down to a guerney. Often times, I would replace them with Dr. Joe Gannon from Medical Center. Same theme, me tied down and them "doing" things to me.

As I got a little older and started to play with Barbie dolls and such, I would set up "scenes" between Barbie, Ken and the oh so kinky G.I. Joe. Over the years the story lines just grew more and more complex, involved different people and as my knowledge of sex grew, incorporated more and more actual sex.

No, there was nothing in my life that could have influenced this. I grew up in a very straight laced Catholic home and don't think I ever even heard anyone in my home refer to anything sexual until I was well into my teens....even today as a grown woman it is not a subject that is openly discussed between me and my folks.



fyreredsub -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 6:43:32 AM)

i was kidnapped by gypsy's in mine...to be in the traveling show and be a fortune teller and dancer..we had our king that had our allegiance....we did as he said... wanted ...desired...he made the decisions....i was happy.
i dont remeber it as being detailed, i just remembering going there in my head when my mom was well being my mom....not a good story. the fantasy seemed so much better a place to be.
i knew i wanted to serve, to please this man...to belong, to be his.....



perfection20005 -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 7:06:03 AM)

Mine started about 12 or 13. They were always sexual in nature, I didn't know a whole lot about sex when they did start, but as I got older that changed! I don't think anything in my life made them happen. I was never scared or hurt in my dreams, just used.



IrishMist -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 7:23:37 AM)

I feel odd saying this but I never had any dreams or fantasies relating to the lifestyle growing up....or at least none that I can remember having lol...I am just an oddball

/shrug



snowgirlsub -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 7:31:55 AM)

1. What age did this start for you? I was 7 when I became aware of my desire to be
spanked. I didn't want to be spanked by my parents...
I wanted to be spanked by a cute older boy.

2. Was there anything you can think of in your life that could have provoked it? No

3. What did the dreams or fantasies entail? Where they just random, where they very
detailed? What was the general outline of them, the main themes?
Do you remember the show Bonanza? I had a huge crush on Little Joe. I pretended I
was his little sister and he was in charge of my discipline.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 7:55:12 AM)

1) I remember incorporating aspects of BDSM in my play around the age of 7. I always felt "different" when I saw someone bound and gagged and helpless on TV or in movies, and I used to tie up my dolls. I also used to draw ropes and gags on people in magazines. Around that time I also remember telling a neighbor girl to stuff a washcloth in her mouth, and she did. I always had a fascination for kidnapping and was writing kidnapping stories around age 10. They always involved strict bondage and gags that were very tight and uncomfortable.

2) The only thing that I can associate with the start of my fascination with people being made helpless was a visit to the dentist when I was around age 7 where I experienced an uncomfortable moment (gagging), and the dental hygienist scolded me and told me she was going to put me over her knee and spank me if I gagged again. I must have taken that moment of helplessness and turned it around so that I would be the one in control.

3) Almost all of my dreams and fantasies at that time were related to kidnapping and keeping someone helpless with bondage. I've always had a gag/gagging fetish (related to the dental experience, I believe), and all of my thoughts involved strict, uncomfortable gags. These thoughts have always been with me, but I kept them hidden most of my life. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I finally delved deeper into my ideas and found that people "played" this way. I haven't looked back since.

Be well,
Julie



invisibledream -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 8:31:08 AM)

wow, such questions lol! let me see...the dream you described sounds something like what mine was; so it's nice to find someone with simliar thoughts.

let's see...for me, it started when i was 17 or 16 (and i'm 19 now). i always liked the idea of being dominated by a man in the bedroom, so those thoughts (as said in your fantasy) would run through my mind.
i'm not sure if anything provoked it or not. it wasn't as if i saw or read something and then decided ''wow! this is for me!'' it kind of just popped into my head. plus i'm such loyal person when it comes to people that i love and care about, that i think it just sort of branched out.
as for my dreams and fantasies...they would mostly entail me and usually one other Dominant male, sometimes 2 men. i was mostly a sexual slave to both men, one being...rougher (i suppose you could say) than the other. so it was a nice dynamic.[:)]



foxglove716 -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 10:48:21 AM)

My first memory was around age five or six, I had watched the cartoon where the protagonist had been captured and was lying restrained on this sterile white slab in a mad scientists' laboratory. I liked to "diddle" (thank you mistoferin for my new favourite word! [:D]) to fantasies of this, imaging it was me who was having all these terrible (and not so terrible) experiments performed on.



Noah -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 11:24:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali



... i would be captured and taken to a place.



So many people become confused at this intersection and can't decide which way to go. The intersection of surrender and liberation.

Your beautiful post, Jali, and the thread which follows are sure to help someone through this confusion. and maybe decide that there isn't anywhere they need to go, that they are just fine where they are.

I think sometimes that there are things which can only be described from the bottom or from the top. There isn't any objective, unifying viewpoint. I couldn't have said the things you said here, for instance. What I can offer is my opinion that the way out of confusion is not always toward "understanding" in the most usual, rational sense of the word. Sometimes it has more to do with something like acceptance. Acceptance itself, of course, is something that is not gained, not something conquered. Acceptance is itself a kind of surrender.

Surrendering to Surrender. Isn't fun how this Moebius world sometimes loops back upon itself without tangling, if we only let it?

What I find lovely about this conversation so far is the extent to which it doesn't ask "why?" and the extent to which it doesn't bother with statements like "This is this" or "I am that" I believe that all possible answers to those kinds of questions, though potentially temporarily helpful, are ultimately wrong if only in virtue of being crucially limited, and so dangerous to hold too tightly to.

Thanks.



slavejali -> RE: dreams and desires (12/17/2005 3:06:10 PM)

Im really taking an interest in the responses, thanks to everyone who is replying. I will keep checking back.[:)]



candystripper -> RE: dreams and desires (12/18/2005 3:06:57 PM)

i don't know how old i was....i had the jones for Mighty Mouse, which i have already mentioned...but i saw a cartoon where the girl was restrained by a chain attached to her ankle...and kept by ? The Ice Queen? i can't remember. But that ankle restraint really did it for me.

candystripper



thornwithin -> RE: dreams and desires (12/18/2005 3:24:00 PM)

Actualy, for me it started as a fantasy or a fetish if you will like whenever i see a guy on TV losing his power and control to a girl or vice versa then i did enjoy when i was 14 and i used to fight with my older cousin and she used to pin me to the ground.... but i didnt have any time to explore more because i was so busy with my football trainning..then i met this girl about 14 months ago and i was trapped...it turns out she has sadistic urges and i started my journey in the lifestyle it was great especially if any of you tried cum control training i couldnt beleive it at first but then i was shocked after 10 months of trainning the result was SCARY!![:)] but now we drifted apart cause i moved and the whole thing came to an end..being very young in the lifestyle makes it harder to find the right partner for you i beleive...that is all about it[:D]



justheather -> RE: dreams and desires (12/18/2005 5:39:39 PM)

I used to beg my mother to read Hansel and Gretl to me so that I could look at the picture of Hansel in the witch's cage. I wanted to be in the cage so badly. We had another story where the characters were turned into bugs and kept in a cup. I found this so appealing, yet had no idea why.
A bit ago, I put this memory into words. Its of my very first D/s fantasy as a child. Since writing this, Ive been lucky enough to find the one I speak of at the end :-)


there was once a little girl
she was maybe four or five
probably five
and she used to lay in bed at night
under her covers
and put her feet against the cold wall
because it felt good next to the heat of the blanket
which made sparks in the dark
 
and she used to think
 
she used to like the way that cold felt
because under the covers she was warm
and she used to be unable to fall asleep
and want to control what she dreamed about
so she would conjure up images in her head
of pleasant things
to dream about
once she fell asleep
 
and her favorite image was this
her mother would take her down to the basement
and place her in the washing maching
machine
and tell her she had to be cleaned because she was dirty
very very dirty
and she had to be washed in the machine
and then
because they had no dryer
(it was the 70s)
she had to be hung out on the clothesline
with clothespins
to dry
and all the children of the neighborhood
they would come by and point and say
she is so dirty
she had to be washed in the washing machine
and put on the clothesline
and the little girl thought this was a lovely lovely idea
it made her feel really nice
 
but im not sad and she wasnt
i was just born this way
 
and i just want to find the right person
so i can be my dirty self
all the way
you know
and still be ok
better than ok
actually
treasured
is what i really want

********************
peace, sisters (oops and bro), thanks for sharing






Prunesquallor -> RE: dreams and desires (12/18/2005 5:43:20 PM)

I didn't come into BDSM until very late in life, but thinking about it, I had sadistic fantasies from a very early age - probably about 6 or 7. These involved being one of a group who captured a woman and tied her to a post. We then carried out various assaults on her body (not sexual, but involving pain and humiliation). Also I was always turned on by pictures of women tied up. I remember some feeble space comic, where a female with arms tied behind her had her back arched, and her flimsily-covered breasts prominent, and this proved to heighten countless orgasms.

Strange, really, that it took me such a long time to 'find' myself. Probably part of the reason was a confusion between what I felt and what an abusive male would feel. A feeling that the beast was much safer when it was kenneled.




bunnihop -> RE: dreams and desires (12/18/2005 6:31:10 PM)

I remember watching the scene in Disney's Aladdin, where the princess has been captured and is chained to the antagonist's throne. I wanted to emulate that, and it became a part of my dreams and thoughts. I would imagine being in some sort of school for girls, where were really a harem that got tormented and pleasured throughout the day - getting tied to poles, caged, humiliated. I always had this image of myself, scantily clad and restrained. To wake up one day and realize there was a community of people who shared the same thoughts was so liberating.



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