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RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 12:56:06 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VoicesInTheDark
Ps...isnt meatloaf technically one large meatball?

I'm cooking filets tonight, is that close?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VoicesInTheDark)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 1:13:10 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I don't see where the "why" is important. This may actually be a message to her and she already knows the "why". I see it as a public acknowledgement of what he did and how he feels about it, not an attempt at justifying it. In that case the "why" is of no importance at all. He sees it as his fault, let it rest at that.
 
I wish you and her the very best in this rocky time but if it doesn't work out, I'm sorry, mourn and learn from your mistakes.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 3:36:57 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your advice, it means alot.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 3:49:04 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		It means alot? What kind of advice have you gotten?  No one here really knows what you are talking about because you are not answering any questions. Are you even reading the posts here?

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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 3:56:33 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Just what I was thinking BSB

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Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 4:59:32 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		I have gotten advice that I need to tell her what I did was wrong myself, instead of beating around the bush. And that youre right I do need to statrt answering more questions

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:03:57 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		The reason why I did what I did was because I was scared and not used to the attention or pleasure I was being given. I was insecure of what was going on. That is the true reason :why:

(in reply to thatstheway)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:16:08 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Good beginning, thatstheway. 
What about your self do you understand knowing fear and insecurity cause you to lash out and how might this affect the circumstance you hope to rekindle and/or future relationships? 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to thatstheway)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:27:49 PM   
housebitch


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		ok, i have to weigh in here.  i agree 100% with Soulpiercer (among others) on this one.  The 'why' is extremely important here.  Why is it important?  (to follow my own advice...)

Think about these 2 scenarios...or two "why's", if you will:

A) Let's say it happened because he is a 'switch' that gets upset with himself everytime he lets a woman dominate him and feels like less of a man, etc. after it is all over he hates himself for it and lashes out in anger. (this also happens to pure subs as well, to be fair...)

-or-

B) He was just new to all this and made the mistake of thinking it would be 'more' than just play and (as a newbie) just didnt understand the difference between simple 'play' in our scene and a real 'relationship', etc.  In other words, as a first time for him it was overwhelming, and he fell in love ('lust'?) while his tormentor is a little more experienced and saw it as just 'play'.  So he felt hurt and lashed out.

See the difference?  With "A" it will be a repeating pattern over, and over, and over again- unable to control that feeling of self-loathing and the only person he will have to lash out at is his Domme.  Not good.

With "B", it may simply be a misunderstanding of the scene as he starts out in it and now that he 'gets it' he can enjoy it for what it is and open himself up to further learning from this Domme w/o incident. 

I have no idea what the real reason was for this.  But that's the point.  It is a big difference between something that will occur over and over (and possibly put the Domme - dare i say - at physical risk due to a sub's mental instability) and a guy that just didnt get it and now understands that every girl that beats him doesnt neccessarily love him!  (Boy, did THAT feel wierd to write! :-) 

Its like a guy that drives 45mph in a school zone because he's late for a meeting and doesnt care if he hits a kid in order to be on time - or because he just didnt see the traffic sign.  Same law broken- but the 'why' makes all the difference in judging the action.   The first one will do it again whenever they feel like it.  The second will be more likely slow down once the sign is pointed out to them. 

Does that make any sense?  Sometimes my analogies only make sense to me... :-)

Anyway, hope that sheds some light.  Although, i have to say that the fact that he still hasnt answered the 'why' (and seems to be avoiding it) sheds more light on the potential 'why'.  I am leaning toward something in the "A" category, rather than "B".  Either that, or he is like most young males in general- sorely lacking in the ability to communicate via written or spoken word.  (Although i have to give him some credit- pretty good 'wank fodder' in the beginning, so i guess when he's 'motivated', he can write...  ;-) 

peace & chicken grease.  im out.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:33:02 PM   
housebitch


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		whoops! boy, i type slow!  just saw response from him.  that's what i get for for putting thought into my response!  :-)  althogh, still not sure i get it- still may be more of a 'category A'?  i dunno...i gotta go.  you guys can figure it out...

(in reply to housebitch)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:36:08 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		I think that housebitch has helped me the most in realizing what the why is. I did fall in love (lust) for her, and I didnt realize how she might have been enjoying it as play rather than falling for one another emotionally. Thank you housebitch, now that I know why I did what I did I hope I can find a way to make it up to my beautiful mistress.

(in reply to housebitch)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:37:11 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		hhmm You have to tell us what you did..befor we can  try to show you how to put a band aid on it

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:40:12 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		I called her several times and told her I did not want to talk to her and said I was seeing someone. and ignored all contact from her

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:55:09 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		Here is a timeline of that days event, When I woke up IO was feeling much love for her but Finally understood my feelings were rejected, so i got a little upset and sent her texts that said to stop calling and texting me and that I didnt trust her. Then she tried contacting me and I denied all calls until I finally answrred and disrepspected her and told her to leave me alone. From that point on there was no contact until just recentyl

(in reply to thatstheway)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:57:28 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Huntertn said (In response to me): hhmm You have to tell us what you did..befor we can  try to show you how to put a band aid on it

My reply:  We're not speaking face toface, so I am not sureif you are being serious, surly, or something else with this reply.  I don't think that a band-aid is a good idea at all.  I think that depthful self-insight is most-prudent if the young gentleman is upto the challenge, task, and effort. 

housebitch did a great ob of laying some things out. 

I know some still disagree but I believe the why and the things behind it are pivotal. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to thatstheway)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 5:59:14 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		Im glas you feel that way, I agree that housebitch did make some excellent points ijn his reply

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 6:14:52 PM   
subeos


Posts: 140
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		Communication, communication, communication!

~sub eos~

~To Thine Own Self Be True~

(in reply to thatstheway)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/5/2008 6:37:57 PM   
thatstheway


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		And one thing I didnt mention is one of the reasons i was upset and did those things is because i read something in one of her journals that led me to believe thatshe had filmed mer when i was blindfolded and tied up, i was wrong for acusing her and even making those assumptions

(in reply to subeos)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/6/2008 3:22:19 AM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		You could learn to use normal text.  

(in reply to thatstheway)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: MY stupid mistakes and what they did to me - 11/6/2008 5:50:44 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		A couple of points here, one thing I have learned over the years is that you and I can both read the same text (Email or text messages) and get two entirely different things out of it. That's one reason that I have a rule that text messaging is not an acceptable way to communicate with me, unless it's a quick question yes or no kind of exchange. I read emails, several times and can see that some lines could mean more then one thing, don't ever assume if you are not sure ask for clarification.

I also feel like sub space and drop could be at play here, you are new and it can be a roller coaster of feeling for some. I know for myself that when I am in serious Top space, the connection I feel for my bottom is very strong even if it's the first time we have played together. I "feel" like I have feeling for them as the connection we are having is perfect, this is not the case and I know it, but for a short time it feels that way. They fade quickly over a day or so and then I drop hard which for me is a "I have to sleep NOW" type of drop for others I know the drop comes in different forms some are more emotional consider that as a possibility as well.

Mike

(in reply to ApathyRomance)
Profile   Post #: 40
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