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RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 6:34:59 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I'm pretty sure the largest part of us has experienced this crap and I have to agree with soooo many others....You'd be outta my email box so quick it would make your head spin. Maybe it's because I've become so jaded that I just don't care anymore but because you put it out there I'm going to tell you exactly what I would have loved to have been able to tell soooo many others!!

Man up!!! Geeeeeeeeeeze, it's a woman you are meeting not GOD!!! What???? Did the lunch or dinner crap scare the hell outta you??? How dare you leave her standing there! Do you have any idea how awful it is to be waiting to meet someone that never shows up??? Huh? You sit there just positive that everyone around you knows that you just got stood up! News flash hon... I can't think of a single dominant female that is into being humiliated!!

You wanna make it up to her? Next time be there early and waiting for her, treat her like royalty, have a rose in your teeth, that will do two things, first it will show her that you were really thinking about her as a woman and second it will keep you from saying something stupid (particularly if you leave the thorns on it)! That's if there is a next time. Think of her as woman first, not a flogger holder with tits and legs!

OK, I feel better now.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to DominaSusan)

Post #: 21

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 6:57:33 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've got one little issue with the note of reasons. There's not a thing in it that makes you any different from countless others. I really do hate to break this to you, but it's not exactly like Dominant females are going around thinking about how terrible it is that there just isn't anyone willing to serve up their ass for a good beating. It puts you on the same level as every other bottom out there, except you already have a strike against you.

I'm not going to do your work for you, because that's what I see this as, but I suggest you take another stab at your list. Instead of presenting yourself as just another bottom, tell her what you offer as a submissive because you're you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 22

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 8:26:44 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

I agree with many others here. I have been stood up before, actually, for the same reasons you gave in the OP. You are a man, meeting a woman. Why is it so hard for you to meet a woman? Surely you didn't expect her to show up with a flogger in one hand and a strap-on in the other? Like Jewel said, man up. Be a man about this. Standing a woman up has nothing to do with whether you are submissive or not. It is just plain rude.

I notice that you call her Mistress. Is she your Mistress? Has that relationship been established? Because, as a Mistress, I would not simply toss my sub away because he made one mistake. Kind of like throwing the baby out with the bath water. But..as a woman who has just been stood up by a man, I would not give you a second chance, especially if you used your aversion to being submissive as your excuse. What does THAT have to do with anything?

As far as your list:

quote:

1. I'm essentially a virgin sub, so she has the unique opportunity to break me in, and mold me however she'd like to.
2. The fact that I am ashamed and a bit "skittish" about my submissiveness is something she could have a little fun with. Just taking me into a fredrick's with the possibility of buying my own panties in front of people would be enough to have me at her feet for days (not that I wouldn't be there already). I know you dommes can't deny that that would be fun for you. That's not something I'm trying to do
3. I have been told that I have a great ass. It would be her's to have fun with.

Is this a joke? I get countless emails telling me the same thing, from strangers. You are not offering her anything she can't get, just by opening her C-box. It is all about YOU. If you think for one second she will fall all over you for you offering her what she can take from you anyway, you are sadly mistaken.

What can you do for HER? Offering your ass is just absurd. It may mean the world to you, but it is just another horn-dog proposition to a Mistress.

As a Dominant, I would appreciate the following, from a sub who is trying to get back in my good graces:

If you need anything done around the house, let me know. I'm your guy!
I will mow your lawn, fix your roof, or do any kind of home maintenance for you.
I will come over and fix you a lovely meal, run your bath, and massage your feet afterward.
I will offer my services as your driver, if you need to go somewhere, I will drive you. Or if you have any errands you need run, I will do them for you.

I will offer all of these things with no thoughts about myself. It is for you that I offer myself. For your pleasure and to hopefully make life a little easier for you, if only for a little while. I only hope to bring a smile to your face, that will be reward enough for me.

Do you see the difference here? It is not all about you. It is about trying to make up for disappointing her. It isn't about money, it isn't about tributes, it is about a man who hurt a woman by standing her up and is trying to make it up to her.

You mention she reads these boards, so you know that she will read my advice. You can take it or leave it, but I hope that my point has come across to you.

Good luck!

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 23

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 8:27:21 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If someone did this to me, I probably wouldn't be foolish enough to give them a second chance. Unless they were sufficiently self knowledgable to figure out why they did it, and to deal with their own issues so it didn't happen again.

Which means I would want to hear the truth. I did this because I was afraid of x, I know I can not deal with x because I've spoken to a therapist about it/ meditated over it/ am practicing breathing techniques/ etc etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DominaSusan)

Post #: 24

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 3:48:41 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Clearly, she's still communicating with the OP, so she's not averse to potentially rectifying things, either that or she's just f*ckin' around with the OP.
I found the suggestion of the heartfelt letter along with the giftcard of substantive value interesting. It shows a personalization of expression as welll as a tangible way to say that you understand her time and efforts are valuable.
That's where my votes are going right now.
Oh, and ask when, where, and how she wishes these presented to her and comply, to the letter.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to DominaSusan)

Post #: 25

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 5:42:20 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I have to disagree with the gift card or anything that would imply that my time is costly. I really don't mean to offend anyone (not that I don't do it on a regular basis) but I don't put a price on my time and if someone else did I would be extremely insulted. That's treading on thin ice if you ask me.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 26

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 6:25:46 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

As far as your list:

quote:

1. I'm essentially a virgin sub, so she has the unique opportunity to break me in, and mold me however she'd like to.
2. The fact that I am ashamed and a bit "skittish" about my submissiveness is something she could have a little fun with. Just taking me into a fredrick's with the possibility of buying my own panties in front of people would be enough to have me at her feet for days (not that I wouldn't be there already). I know you dommes can't deny that that would be fun for you. That's not something I'm trying to do
3. I have been told that I have a great ass. It would be her's to have fun with.

Is this a joke? I get countless emails telling me the same thing, from strangers. You are not offering her anything she can't get, just by opening her C-box. It is all about YOU. If you think for one second she will fall all over you for you offering her what she can take from you anyway, you are sadly mistaken.

What can you do for HER? Offering your ass is just absurd. It may mean the world to you, but it is just another horn-dog proposition to a Mistress.

As a Dominant, I would appreciate the following, from a sub who is trying to get back in my good graces:

If you need anything done around the house, let me know. I'm your guy!

I will mow your lawn, fix your roof, or do any kind of home maintenance for you.

I will come over and fix you a lovely meal, run your bath, and massage your feet afterward.

I will offer my services as your driver, if you need to go somewhere, I will drive you. Or if you have any errands you need run, I will do them for you.

I will offer all of these things with no thoughts about myself. It is for you that I offer myself. For your pleasure and to hopefully make life a little easier for you, if only for a little while. I only hope to bring a smile to your face, that will be reward enough for me.

Do you see the difference here? It is not all about you. It is about trying to make up for disappointing her. It isn't about money, it isn't about tributes, it is about a man who hurt a woman by standing her up and is trying to make it up to her.

You mention she reads these boards, so you know that she will read my advice. You can take it or leave it, but I hope that my point has come across to you.

Good luck!

MoGa

quote:

ShiftedJewel
Man up!!! Geeeeeeeeeeze, it's a woman you are meeting not GOD!!! What???? Did the lunch or dinner crap scare the hell outta you??? How dare you leave her standing there! Do you have any idea how awful it is to be waiting to meet someone that never shows up??? Huh? You sit there just positive that everyone around you knows that you just got stood up! News flash hon... I can't think of a single dominant female that is into being humiliated!!

You wanna make it up to her? Next time be there early and waiting for her, treat her like royalty, have a rose in your teeth, that will do two things, first it will show her that you were really thinking about her as a woman and second it will keep you from saying something stupid (particularly if you leave the thorns on it)! That's if there is a next time. Think of her as woman first, not a flogger holder with tits and legs!

I really hope you were paying attention... these Ladies were speaking from the heart and mind of many (although not necessarily all) of us.

Getting stood up really sucks, end of story. And as for your list, well, I really hope you don't submit it as is.. although, she's probably laughing her ass off at this public humiliation of a post of yours anyway.
Hopefully, it will be an eye opening education for you.
Hopefully, you'll be able to see that it isn't "just her", any one of us would have been royally pissed off.

I'd say good luck to you, but I think She needs it more, so I wish Her luck with you.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 27

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 6:34:58 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

I was almost with you OP until I read your little note. Based on that, I doubt we would have made it to a meeting, but if we had, you would not earn a second chance. More of a brush off. or block and ignore if you didn't get it.

I have had someone flake on me more than once. I have given 2 second chances because I felt they had earned it and they were honest about the reasons. One lived up to my positive expectations and we met several times before he flaked again. The other didn't make it to a second meeting. Which would lead me to believe that second chances are not worth it.

Of course, my pet was unable to make our first meeting due to circumstances beyond his control. He called as soon as he realized this would happen, and he proceeded to put more effort into getting together for longer and closer to me. This was enough for me to continue with him. I am very glad that I did. He was able to gain back the trust lost at the start and build upon that. So maybe some second chances are worth it.

I would say as far as you are concerned it is for your Mistress, this woman you have yet to meet, to decide.

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 28

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 8:18:16 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Jewel----I just read the entire thread and thought that the post you made on 11/6/2008 6:34:59 AM was freakin' fabulous! It was a thing of beauty!
I hope never to be able to speak from apoint of experience on being stood up (Knock-on-wood and all of those Universe placating things).
The one after mine saying that you don't place a price on your time is a bit different an angle than I'd take. I do place value on my time. I have bills to pay, I have responsibilities to take care of, I have baths with rubber duckies and lavender oil to take, etc., etc., etc. If I'm investing time in someone, that time's valuable whether I'm snuggled up with a kitty or several (I have one right now who really thinks she should be on this laptop and is sprawling, purring, and licking profusely: priceless) or I'm busting my ass to 'bring home the bacon'. He can't make up for the wasted time but he can make small, symbolic acknowledgments along with meaningful behavioral change. It's not so much about the material things, it's about the symbology (Like your rose in the teeth thing, which I like and advocate him adding, btw) along with not repeating the repugnant behavior and proving his presence a consistent, worthy one. Thoughts?
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 11/6/2008 8:20:20 PM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 29

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 11:07:37 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

SanDieoSub,

quote:

As a man I am quite ashamed and embarrassed of my submissive nature, and subsequently that makes me nervous about meeting dommes.

Some people are more submissive than dominant. Others are more dominant than submissive. And then, of course, there are those who sit somewhere in the middle, between the two. Fortunately, each personality type has lots to offer.

It takes great conviction to realize who you are, to stick to your goals and desires, to recognize that you're a more effective follower than a leader, and to be a loyal, capable follower. If you're feeling ashamed about who you are, I'd examine this first and find comfort and enjoyment in who you are before you attempt to share this with someone else. Of the dominant women I've had the pleasure of meeting, all desire compassionate, intelligent, capable, communicative, detail-oriented submissives. Notice that ashamed and embarrassed aren't on this list. It's understandable that you feel uncertain exploring this part of psyche, but realize that it's perfectly acceptable to communicate your feelings simply in an honest, human way. There is no need to feel ashamed.

quote:

Ladies, is there anything I can do to correct this? Please make suggestions... I'm open to embarrassing and humiliating myself if necessary.

I'll be a tad blunt here. Sorry. It's the end of a long day. Here's my advice. Jettison the notion that "you'll even embarrass/humiliate yourself to make this up". The fact that the woman you stood up is a dominant is, in my opinion, irrelevant. You were rude. You made a date and then stood someone up. Therefore, my advice is that you take responsibility, initiate, explain what happened, and apologize.

You don't need to offer gifts, money, and other trappings. In my opinion, what you need to offer is sincerity, understanding, empathy, recognition that you treated this woman poorly, and an apology. She may decide to meet you again and she may not. If you do meet again, make sure you're on time and don't get caught up in the drama of "oh my God, I'm meeting a dominant woman". You're meeting a *WOMAN*. Treat her with decency, kindness, and respect. Be reliable. Engage her mind, creativity, and sense of humour. Remember, friendship and chemistry are built from this base.

Generally, if a dominant woman is comfortable with you and interested in exploring you in the realm of BDSM, she'll let you know in some way. It never hurts to seduce a dominant woman's interest, but you don't need to lay this on thick. Subtlety, courtesy, and politeness go a long way to attracting any potential partner, BDSM folk alike. It's not often you get a second chance after standing someone up so consider yourself very lucky.

Good luck on your second try,

Elan.

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 30

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 11:11:03 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Jewel,

quote:

ShiftedJewel:
Think of her as woman first, not a flogger holder with tits and legs!

Flogger holder... with tits... *and* legs. I kinda' thought you were onto something there.

Elan.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 31

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 11:18:16 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

I just caught this quote of UmbraDomina's (from the "Do you see your sub/slave as inferior superior or equal to you" thread). It seems very appropriate here.

quote:

UmbraDomina:
My slave is my equal, although different from me. Kind of like a coin, two separate different sides, both are equal sides of the coin, but both bring something different to the whole. I value myself, so why would I want to spend time with someone who was worthless, or less then me? My beloved slave is one of the strongest, brightest men I have ever met. He does not submit to me out of weakness, or being less than me, he submits to me out of his free will, with dignity and love.

Elan.

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 32

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 11:28:37 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Send her a gift with monetary value. How many hours of her time did you waste? Multiple the hours by $150.

I agree with this. I'm willing to meet someone I think might be a good fit for me even if he's penniless. But, if he fails to show up the first time, he'd better have disposable income in order to make me change my mind and agree to see him again. It has been my experience that men value their money much more than their penises or dignity; so, if a man flaked on me, he'd have to spend some in order to prove he is sincere. Embarrassing suggestions would probably be fun for him, I agree. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 11/6/2008 11:41:20 PM >

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 33

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 11:37:00 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

He didn't stand her up. He chickened out about meeting her. There was no date set up and she wasn't sitting anywhere waiting for him.

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 34

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/6/2008 11:39:06 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

Oh, in that case, he just needs to be friendly enough and tell her he was too anxious to move forward at that time... I would still send a small bouquet in friendship though if I had her address (and I was the man in question, lol). M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 11/6/2008 11:40:27 PM >

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 35

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/7/2008 7:56:28 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Jewel----I just read the entire thread and thought that the post you made on 11/6/2008 6:34:59 AM was freakin' fabulous! It was a thing of beauty!
I hope never to be able to speak from apoint of experience on being stood up (Knock-on-wood and all of those Universe placating things).
The one after mine saying that you don't place a price on your time is a bit different an angle than I'd take. I do place value on my time. I have bills to pay, I have responsibilities to take care of, I have baths with rubber duckies and lavender oil to take, etc., etc., etc. If I'm investing time in someone, that time's valuable whether I'm snuggled up with a kitty or several (I have one right now who really thinks she should be on this laptop and is sprawling, purring, and licking profusely: priceless) or I'm busting my ass to 'bring home the bacon'. He can't make up for the wasted time but he can make small, symbolic acknowledgments along with meaningful behavioral change. It's not so much about the material things, it's about the symbology (Like your rose in the teeth thing, which I like and advocate him adding, btw) along with not repeating the repugnant behavior and proving his presence a consistent, worthy one. Thoughts?
Davan

I do NOT put a financial figure on my time.... period. But maybe that's because I never see my time as "wasted". Yes, I've been stood up a few times but the time spent wasn't wasted. Two things happened through those events. First, I showed up where I said I would be, I kept my word... very important to me. And second... I learned from it and to me that is never a waste of time. I have learned that if someone wants to meet me and mine bad enough they can come to my home town, they can find my house and knock on my front door. If they don't... no loss to me or mine.

And I really don't worry about how safe that is, ok? I'm very well armed.

Those are my thoughts.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 36

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/7/2008 8:31:41 AM

JoeVanilla

Posts: 22
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ShiftedJewel:
Think of her as woman first, not a flogger holder with tits and legs!

BRAVO! Men have this awful habit of objectifying women and we don't seem to realize how hurtful it can be.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 37

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/7/2008 8:44:22 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeVanilla

quote:

ShiftedJewel:
Think of her as woman first, not a flogger holder with tits and legs!

BRAVO! Men have this awful habit of objectifying women and we don't seem to realize how hurtful it can be.

Baffling, annoying, and unpleasant, as well. There is a local gentleman who has to "ponder" whether he will meet me for coffee, because he doesn't want anything bad to happen, feelings to be hurt, whatever. OkeyDOKEY. How do I respond to that, other than to let him ponder on his own time...

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to JoeVanilla)

Post #: 38

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/7/2008 12:04:40 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

Baffling, annoying, and unpleasant, as well. There is a local gentleman who has to "ponder" whether he will meet me for coffee, because he doesn't want anything bad to happen, feelings to be hurt, whatever. OkeyDOKEY. How do I respond to that, other than to let him ponder on his own time...

F,
Yes let him ponder. While he is pondering as to whether to meet you or not, go and meet someone else lol
You are too fabulous to be waiting for someone who hasn't got the balls to meet you in a public place for coffee for crying out loud. It's not like you asked him to meet at a dungeon <rolls eyes>

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 39

RE: Making up for the ultimate misbehavior... - 11/7/2008 12:23:41 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

Baffling, annoying, and unpleasant, as well. There is a local gentleman who has to "ponder" whether he will meet me for coffee, because he doesn't want anything bad to happen, feelings to be hurt, whatever. OkeyDOKEY. How do I respond to that, other than to let him ponder on his own time...

F,
Yes let him ponder. While he is pondering as to whether to meet you or not, go and meet someone else lol
You are too fabulous to be waiting for someone who hasn't got the balls to meet you in a public place for coffee for crying out loud. It's not like you asked him to meet at a dungeon <rolls eyes>

No freakin kidding!! I mean, dang, it's only coffee! Too bad, though, I have a soft spot for cowboys.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 40

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