I am actually doing this

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BlueReign -> I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 2:15:25 AM)
I can't believe I am actually doing this, after probing around these forums with these fantasies of slavery I finally agreed to meet a Dominatrix who seems really perfect for me. Kind of new to the scene and inexperienced but natural sadistic. Just talking to her made me teeth chatter like I was talking to the hottest chic in high school and I was a totally green virgin. Wow. I am going to meet up with her tomorrow and see how it goes. I am excited and nervous all at once. But at least I am finally doing what my fantasies are demanding I do. When she said "I will have some things for you to do" my throat even swelled there was such an arousal going on in my body. I am naturally deeply subservient. It has been this way my whole life. It felt like I was finally exhaling when we spoke. Wow. I'm scared but excited.

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 2:28:35 AM)
Take a deep breath and stop fantasizing because you don't want her to have to live up to your fantasies. Show up where you two plan to meet, be respectful/a gentleman, and if you two have already agreed on protocols regarding meeting, follow that. Good luck, M

BlueReign -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 2:35:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam Take a deep breath and stop fantasizing because you don't want her to have to live up to your fantasies. Show up where you two plan to meet, be respectful/a gentleman, and if you two have already agreed on protocols regarding meeting, follow that. Good luck, M Thank You for the reply FullfigRIMaam. Good advice.

Ferns -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 2:46:10 AM)
You are so damn cute with this excitement! Best of luck... you know we will expect a report afterwards right? Ferns

BlueReign -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 2:58:06 AM)
Thank You Fern, Her laughter sent me into a place I haven't really been to, an erotic place, I suppose I have been there, but not in such a diabolical sense. I was telling her about myself and she was telling me how things were going to be and she laughed. It was so sincere. My Goddess. The fact that I could get so much erotic mileage out of such a small thing, how aroused will I be when I do simple chores for her?

OttersSwim -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 6:37:31 AM)
Just remember that this is a first meeting - not a commitment. You are not hers until and IF she claims you, so my advice is to go open and without expectation. First meetups are interviews where you are evaluating -each other- so don't forget to look at her and determine if she is compatible to your life and desires as well. This is about serving her, so remember that your fantasies, while important, come second to her desires and pleasure. Just my advice, but don't trot them out unless she asks. Focus on her wants, her needs, and her desires, and be a gentleman and you will do just fine. 2c from a relative newbie who has done this once... [:)]

MistressOfGa -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/5/2008 7:36:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlueReign I can't believe I am actually doing this, after probing around these forums with these fantasies of slavery I finally agreed to meet a Dominatrix who seems really perfect for me. Kind of new to the scene and inexperienced but natural sadistic. Just talking to her made me teeth chatter like I was talking to the hottest chic in high school and I was a totally green virgin. Wow. I am going to meet up with her tomorrow and see how it goes. I am excited and nervous all at once. But at least I am finally doing what my fantasies are demanding I do. When she said "I will have some things for you to do" my throat even swelled there was such an arousal going on in my body. I am naturally deeply subservient. It has been this way my whole life. It felt like I was finally exhaling when we spoke. Wow. I'm scared but excited. BlueReign, You have taken me back to when I first started out. I am not submissive, but I can remember all of the excitement that you are feeling now. I wish you the best of luck with your meet. As others have pointed out, it may be best to leave your expectations at home, unless of course, she has asked you to bring them with you <s> You will be fine. She is human, just as you are. If you put her up on a tall pedestal, she will have a mighty fall, or you will, when you realize she has faults just like the rest of us. Welcome to CM!

BlueReign -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 2:42:13 AM)
It was fun but not at all what my expectations thought it would be. I learned from the experience though and I am sure I will keep in contact with her and see where it goes. I recognize her to be a good person and I was happy with the experience as it played out. The surprising thing is that I am learning about myself from this process. Walking through fear so to speak, the fear disappears, and that is always liberating. I can remember many times fantasizing about something and than experiencing it and it being totally different than what I expected. And this isn't to say she disappointed me. She didn't. She is very sexy and I think we both had a really fun time in the context of sexual play and outside of it as well, but I have quite a powerful imagination and it has a way of visualizing things out in a way that is absurd. To give an example, its like fantasizing about what sex was like before you did it, well at least from my perspective, and than experiencing the messiness and the rawness and an old couch and condoms, you just don't factor it in. I also don't know if my submissive nature necessarily means my erotic fires can be perpetually lit from the scene and when they aren't, even if I was, say, in chastity doing chores etc, that it would fulfill me. I know, its not about my fulfillment, I get it. But really, lets be honest, the more sophisticated approach, recognized that all parties need to draw fulfillment, even if their fufillment is drawn from serving another. In any event, I feel like I am better off for the experience, wiser. But I am starting to think I am not a wanna be sub, I am more like a wannabe wannabe sub. Don't know. I wish everyone the best in their searches and hope they find what they are looking for, which is of course, our true selves, be it in the scene or out.

Ferns -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 2:58:09 AM)
Thank you so much for posting an update BlueReign. I have sent you email. Ferns

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 3:12:15 AM)
Am I misreading when I get the impression that you went in with lots of expectations, and didn't much like the lady or something you two did or did not do? M

BlueReign -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 3:52:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam Am I misreading when I get the impression that you went in with lots of expectations, and didn't much like the lady or something you two did or did not do? M I did, and do, like her. I enjoyed some of what we did but I would say its like if someone describes how much fun you were going to have because of A, B and C, D and E and than all those things still happen, and you still don't have fun, it could be that your not really an Aist or a Bist or a Cist etc. I can remember fantasizing about having sex with a particular girl, having sex with the girl and it not living up to my fantasy of what it would be like, and moving on, parting ways, and then fantasizing about that girl, wacking off, again, long after, after the memory of the reailty had faded enough that the fantasy could once again take hold. I think it is, sometimes, to certain degrees, an error to interpret fantasy directly as the doorway to true desire, although, certainly, if one doesn't walk thru the doors of their fantasies, they can loom quite large and ominous in the soul. But, sometimes when one walks thru a door, the door and the room behind it merely dissappear. The man behind the wizard of oz. For others, they find themselves. If I want to explore more, certainly I will.

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 5:07:31 AM)
Thanks for the reply. I tend to wonder if one has relationship/communication skills on which something can actually grow, rather than speaking of fantasies, and how he/she has always dreamed it would be. Real life is usually different, and while it is nice to know what one desires, coming to someone with a bunch of fantasies for her to live up to, is frankly unfair to that person (in my opinion). M

BlueReign -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 4:39:35 PM)
quote: elationship/communication skills on which something can actually grow, rather than speaking of fantasies, and how he/she has always dreamed it would be. Real life is usually different, and while it is nice to know what one desires, coming to someone with a bunch of fantasies for her to live up to, is frankly unfair to that person (in my opinion) quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam Thanks for the reply. I tend to wonder if one has relationship/communication skills on which something can actually grow, rather than speaking of fantasies, and how he/she has always dreamed it would be. Real life is usually different, and while it is nice to know what one desires, coming to someone with a bunch of fantasies for her to live up to, is frankly unfair to that person (in my opinion). M I would liken it too dreaming that your life you would be so much happier once you won the lottery, winning the lottery, and realizing that it wasn't as you envisioned. It isn't the lottery's fault. Or your fault. No need for putting blame. Rather than having poor communication skills or failure to incarnate fantasy, there doesn't have to be any sort of blame, or failure at all. It wasn't her that had to "live up" to my vision, it was my responses that had to. I don't think I am wired the way I thought I might be.

hereyesruponyou -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 5:28:57 PM)
Sometimes fantasy is better than reality. There are several fantasies that will always remain in my head. I know that the reality is much more likely to be messy, unpleasant and unsatisfying in the end. Because I don't want to lose those fantasies, I'm going to keep them in my head and maybe write about them, and explore them without experiencing them. It doesn't make them less important to me. On the other hand, perhaps you are not experiencing what you expected BR because you have not given your experience the time to ripen and become all it can be. Who know's? Probably not even you. The best part for me of being open to the alternatives has been the chance to let myself grow and change as I gained more experience and was able to weigh that against my fantasies. Best of luck in your continued journey...

DominaSusan -> RE: I am actually doing this (11/6/2008 5:56:09 PM)
Well at least you took a chance and acted on a long held fantasy. But, real life can never measure up to fantasies-that’s why they are called fantasies. I hope that you continue to explore this side of yourself and who knows perhaps you will one day discover that real life in BDSM or M/s can be fulfilling. The trick is not to build up a complex fantasy around it but to live in and enjoy it.

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