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NuevaVida -> RE: Need some guidance.... on how to endure the pain? (11/8/2008 11:30:41 PM)
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I read the definitions of "endure" and don't find it negative at all. I endured pain for my former master, and my use of the word "endure" was exactly as defined above. I didn't like pain. In fact, I can almost say I hate pain (certain pains, anyway). I endured it because he wanted me to be pained in a way that was difficult. I'm not a masochist or a painslut. I'm a submissive, and a former slave who would endure whatever my former master wanted to put on me.
That said, I'll echo the advice to breathe. For whatever reason, it was also really helpful to allow all kinds of sounds come out of me in response to the blows - guttural, grunting, animalistic wails. But I often was not allowed to make much in the way of sounds while enduring the pain I was receiving, nor was I allowed to writhe or twist away from it. What did ultimately help were a few things I clung to:
* If not bound, I would punch - the floor, the bed, whatever it was I could (as long as it wasn't him). Somehow when the implement was brought down with force on me, smacking the ground in response felt like I was transferring the energy from the implement, through my body and right out my body. I would feel a rush of energy shoot through me but it was short lived as it had an avenue out of me, through my fingers as I punched, hit, smacked, slapped the surface I was on.
* I learned I have a bit of a sadistic streak, and would become really turned on by the fact that he was doing this to me, even if I hated it. In other words, I would imagine him doing it to someone else, or I would think of the power he had over me that I actually would take the blows without crying out or moving, and that sense of power overtook the sense of pain. Once he had me clamped, bound, gagged, tied, and was wailing on me and I burst out laughing at my predicament, because, even though I was suffering greatly, it was so damned hot that he would do that to someone. It was as though I saw myself from outside of myself, and I got off on my own suffering. In the last year of my slavery to him, this is where my mind most often went.
* Usually I was left in a heap to soothe myself afterward, and I viewed that as quiet time, to recover, to reflect, and to catch my breath. On rare occasions I would bring my mind there during the painful part, and begin soothing myself in anticipation of being left alone.
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