A Wayward Soul...... 2

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

A Wayward Soul...... 2

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A Wayward Soul...... 2

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/5/2008 8:52:57 PM

Futafan357

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

Hi again, My last post was removed because I unintentionally solicited readers to contact me outside of the forum, for that I apologize. So as a disclaimer, I am not trying to get people to contact me outside of this forum.

Ok, that aside, ill try to remember what i said in my first post. I started here a while ago as a sub but now consider myself a switch after recent events with a friend of mine. I now know the amazing pleasure of having someone completely dedicate themselves to nothing but pleasing you. The only problem is that I am not a cruel or humiliating person. I have a hard time degrading others or thinking of ways to use someone.

My question dear readers is, does anyone know of a place that i could learn some techniques of domination? Also, i enjoy giving my partner pleasure. Is it normal to want to ask your sub what they want to be done to them? or does that just ruin the experience?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/5/2008 8:58:26 PM

scifi1133

Posts: 8529
Joined: 3/27/2007
From: virginia
Status: offline

Why is that fact that your not cruel or humiliating a problem?
Look your going to get all kinds of advise and telling you to go to different sites and research and so on. And yes research and ask questions, but only to find out whats good for you and what you like. We are all different and some people like different things than others. You do whats right for you and don't worry about everything else.
Good luck and enjoy.

< Message edited by scifi1133 -- 11/5/2008 8:59:00 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the happy fascist slut.
awwwwwww yeeeeeeeeah
And I see your schwartz is as big as mine.
My heart 10-01-72 / 10-16-09

(in reply to Futafan357)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 12:52:10 AM

WannaSPOON

Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

It just depends on who your partners are and what you want. I started out years ago as a switch, but the girls I've been involved with only wanted me to be the Dom so I develop more into a Dom -- there was a great increase of self-image mixed in there, that probably helped. Once I decided I would just be a Dom, I started interacting with people who enjoyed things I didn't necessarily enjoy. I have always been a fan of bondage and orgasm control, but the girls I talked to mostly wanted to be spanked, whipped or more intense sorts of S&M. I wasn't really interested, at first, but the more I talked to them the more my interests broadened. It's amazing what the human mind can do when you just want to do something.

(in reply to scifi1133)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 1:05:22 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

You cannot 'learn to dominate' in the sense that you take lessons. You can learn different skills, such as caning, whipping, flogging, knife play etc - but not how to actually dominate. You learn that through life and through the partner you are with.

The best advice I would give is to read. A lot. There is a list on the forum HERE.
These are recommended reading matter from people across the forums. The inital post by Resident Sadist gives a good basic first few like Screw the Roses, Loving Dominant, SM101 etc.

Secondly, get to know other dominants and couples. Expand your friendship base. Watch how people interact. If you have one local and are cool with going, attend a munch. Participate on the forums here and get to know people is always cool. Meet people in the flesh and just have coffee. Find out who is local to you and ask them for local information. For practical work (topping) then attend workshops or find people who are already skilled and ask if they have time to teach you.

If you are planning on this being offline, do not learn online, because it is an entirely different ballgame.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Futafan357)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 2:23:22 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Futafan357
Also, i enjoy giving my partner pleasure. Is it normal to want to ask your sub what they want to be done to them? or does that just ruin the experience?

i very much agree that you cannot really learn domination. Learning techniques that can be used in domination is something you can do quite easily, but dominating another successfully, i feel, has to come from a place deep within you. For Sir and i, the D/s side of Oour relationship deepens everday, it is something Wwe are both continually learning about eachother. What has worked for other slaves He has had in the past, may not work for me and so Wwe evolve... It is a wonderful thing.

What i wanted to really say though, was yes, i think it is ok for a Dom to ask their sub what they would like sometimes. On occasion, Master has asked me what i would like as a reward for good behaviour and i am allowed to ask for a spanking or flogging (or whatever my current favourite thing is). i would also venture to say that an inexperienced Dom, with a more experienced sub, may also want to ask their sub for guidance to help them learn. i would not class this as topping from the bottom; the Dom is still in charge, taking responsibility in finding out how their sub feels and thinks. Does that make sense?

Anyhoo, gotta go play the Wii with my other Sir (the four year old one lol!) back later...

gabrielle x

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to Futafan357)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 3:42:03 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't know why you got the idea that every dominant is sadistic and enjoys humiliating their partner, or why every sub does. Because that isn't true.

The Man doesn't get turned on by me sobbing in pain or cringing from his words or commands, nor does it turn me on. His big thing is forced orgasm. I'm lying there all tied up, not able to get a deep breath as he brings the next one on, unable to talk to beg him for a break, soaking the damn bed. If I've had so much pleasure that I can't walk straight, then that's his idea of a good day. He's dominant because he leads and I follow, not because of his leisure time activities.

As far as topping ideas, google bdsm checklists and find one you like. Then have your partner fill it out. Start with activities that your partner enjoys greatly, this increases the likeliness they'll come back for more. And try role play, it's dress up for adults. Pirate and wench, carjacker who finds tied up girl in trunk, naughty schoolgirl and stern teacher, etc etc. Also Easton's Topping Book and Bottoming Book are both filled with ideas.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 4:01:29 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

Agree ..and humiliating doesn't mean to burn some one down completely.
There are many ways to make some one feel unpleasant (humiliating). You can make a girl sit..spreading herself open to expose her...or you can shout at her and call her a nothing ...a no good. Both are or can be humiliating..but with a different impact.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 4:19:46 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Generally speaking, I'd suggest local workshops and events. But you'd have to define "techniques of domination" in order to have a clearer idea of what you're looking for.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Futafan357)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/6/2008 4:42:48 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Futafan357

My question dear readers is, does anyone know of a place that i could learn some techniques of domination? Also, i enjoy giving my partner pleasure. Is it normal to want to ask your sub what they want to be done to them? or does that just ruin the experience?

It really depends on the relationship and the individuals involved. My advice is to start with some basic communication. Sit down with your play partner and just talk about things each of you enjoys. Don't worry about feeling like you must do anything discussed... just talk about it openly, be relaxed about it. Through the process of getting to know each other, you'll both get ideas as well as learning more about each other. Those ideas will help you when you do decide to play, giving you starting points, ideas for scenes, etc. Then just take it from there and let things develop over time. Keep talking between play sessions, talk about what happened, things you've read about, etc... but again... don't worry about feeling obligated to do anything... just enjoy talking and sharing. Over time things will progress, you'll get better at things... so will you play partner.

Best of luck

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Futafan357)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/8/2008 6:01:31 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

In the strongest relationships both partners get fulfillment. That means that part of the job of the Dom is to look after the wants and needs of his sub to some extent. It is a very rare session when I feel that my Master walks away having taken care of only his own needs.

The needs of both parties need to be considered. There is nothing weak in saying thank you, or in asking if the sub has a fantasy they have always wanted to try in real life. You just need to find a good balance so that your own needs are being met as you meet theirs. It can be an incredible symbiosis when it is in balance.

_____________________________

(in reply to Padriag)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: A Wayward Soul...... 2 - 11/8/2008 7:15:03 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

My question dear readers is, does anyone know of a place that i could learn some techniques of domination? Also, i enjoy giving my partner pleasure. Is it normal to want to ask your sub what they want to be done to them? or does that just ruin the experience?

Learning dominant techniques that are not in any way sadistic or humiliating? Leadership techniques? you either have it, or you don/t.

Asking what is pleasurable is normal for some, yes but not for everybody. Although, I wouldn't feel submissive at all to someone who was only hell-bent on pleasuring me, the guilt alone of being treated so well would upset me to the point of despair.

Maybe try attracting this type by posting on your profile that you you are a 'switch with kind-only tendencies or non-sadistic personality'. You don't have to change for anyone to find someone to please you (and you please them). Up to you how you choose to dominante someone even without the use of adapting sadistic forces.

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Profile

Post #: 11