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New and interested, but in relationship with experienced - 12/18/2005 9:30:20 AM

Notanaddict

Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline

i don't really know what my question is.
but here goes. about 2 months ago i started dating this woman, who has told me from the start that she is very much into the BDSM scene. And this hasn't been a turn off for me.. not at all. I've read a lot on the subject, and tried to learn as much as possible. She has introduced me to some new stuff that I really like. like fisting, needleplay, bloodsports and minimal breathcontrol (not really her thing, but i like it..)
But this girl, I should say woman, she is a bit older than me, is a sub. And though I have several dominating traits and like taking control in bed and in other aspects, I am wondering if I can flogg her. During a discussion onour likes and dislikes, she said she enjoys flogging, not because it in itsself is a turn on, but the fact that the dom has told her or whatever that is what she's sposed to do...

I think my biggest problem would be doing it without having to check all the time that its "ok", which I know can be a real turn off in a scene, and I'm also actually scared that I'll get "carried away" and not realize when enough is enough.. Being a dom is such a HUGE responsibility, which I am not sure I can take on.
Btw, in other aspects of our relationship, she is not very submissive, which i'm glad off. I love my controll, but can't stand chicks that just let me walk all over them, because i've realized I do, given the oppurtunity..

shit, this turned out to go on forever, but hope i had some questions in there that could be answered...

thanx

Post #: 1

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 9:33:58 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think my biggest problem would be doing it without having to check all the time that its "ok", which I know can be a real turn off in a scene, and I'm also actually scared that I'll get "carried away" and not realize when enough is enough..

The fact that you are concerned about such a thing shows that you already know of the responsibilities included :) You should talk to some sother Dom's and Masters, they can give you some really good advice on how to proceed. Remember though, go slowly...getting carried away means that you are trying to do too much too soon. Take your time, and feel your way through it. Best of luck to you and yours :)

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 2

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 10:18:03 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

and practice on something else before you stand before a live squirming bottom--smiles

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 3

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 10:33:07 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

and practice on something else before you stand before a live squirming bottom--smiles

LMAO definitly...unless your GF is prepared to be your guinea pig in this...no offense meant

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 4

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 12:20:28 PM

AlderTheKitty

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline

or if there is someone local who is willing to teach you how can be a real asset if something went wrong and can also correct your mistakes

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 5

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 12:59:11 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

Your question is actually quite perfect, as IrishMist says, it shows that you are aware of the responsibility side of being a dom. You sound almost exactly like I did when i was 20 and met a similar girl who introduced me to all of this.

Occasionally we have questions about young doms not getting a lot of respect, and I'll say that the impatience of youth combined with the excitement of a new amazing thing is the biggest internal obstacle you'll have to look out for. I certainly had to

Your worry about getting "carried away" is good, and is something you WILL need to spend conscious energy on even while in scene. Self-control is the most important part of what you're getting into -- you can't ever allow yourself to be totally controlled by passion or excitement because you're responsible for both people's safety.

That said, you shouldn't have to "constantly check" anything with a sub. If you want to flog her, you tell her that and begin, it is HER responsibility to tell you if/when it becomes uncomfortable or painful in a way she needs to stop. Make sure she understands that is her responsibility, that it's perfectly okay to say "a little too hard" or however you want it phrased. With experience you'll find comfortable ways of showing you're still in control despite getting feedback. Her feedback is not a command, it is a request, and showing that in your response from time to time is good to reinforce it in her mind -- for example, suddenly grabbing her hair hard and saying sarcastically "Oh, is that too hard for my little princess? i didn't imagine your ass was such a delicate fixture, I BEG your forgiveness!". As I said, it's a personality thing you'll have to discover how you handle it.

Have fun and get more comprehensive honest feedback from her at times when you're not being d/s, that way you can evaluate yourself with her assistance without disrupting the dynamic while you're playing together.

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 6

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:08:34 PM

Notanaddict

Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline

thanks, i'll take all of these responses into consideration!

I can read till I go blue in the face, and I will, but when it actually comes to getting some experience, where to start?

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 7

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:29:13 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

I can read till I go blue in the face, and I will, but when it actually comes to getting some experience, where to start?

M.NaA-

Really, truly, when it comes to a crash course in topping, nothing beats a little bottom time. Find a local top, flat out ask them for a session or two, and Pay attention. The most important stuff you learn will surprise you...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 8

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:35:55 PM

Notanaddict

Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline

I'd love to, but i might have a problem just downright asking.. not only because the only tops i know off are friends of my partner and i don't think she would like it (she is intensly private and gets a bit wierd about me and her friends..) but also because I wouldn't know the protocol and etiquite.. u can't just ask can u?

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 9

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:44:51 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

She has introduced me to some new stuff that I really like. like fisting, needleplay, bloodsports and minimal breathcontrol (not really her thing, but i like it..)

Sorry i am a tad confused. Not sure if those things have been experienced for real or just seen.You say you really like the new stuff. Now did she do those things to you? or did you do those things to her?
if you have done those things noted above, (which are pretty extreme) to her why on earth would you be afraid of flogging her?
Im not meaning to sound pissy, just asking a question.

Have a great tomorrow.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 10

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:49:59 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

but also because I wouldn't know the protocol and etiquite.. u can't just ask can u?

M. NaA-

Lawd, no- Good thing you asked-

When Petioning a Dominant, you must first offer tribute- at the very least, a box of choclates with a note asking if you might bother them with a request at their leisure.

If they grant the audience, you must approch wearing no aticle of clothing that is fastened with a knot, snap or zipper. Wear nothing at you neck, and something on both wrists, and no heels higher than a 'walking 'heel.

Carrying nothing in your hands, you must wait for them to speak first, and reply only with a greeting to a greeting, and answers to questions- your request must be phrased as a statement, and not as a question or request.

At no time may you speak with your eyes at a level higher than theirs, and avoid direct eye contact as much as possible.

Make sure that you wear nice underware!

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 11

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:50:22 PM

Notanaddict

Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline

The needleplay i have both received and done, and i enjoy both greatly. Fisting is the same. It may sound wierd, but the needles don't really hurt , and it is something i am confident in since we are both nurses, but I think the issue with the flogging is the conception thats been thumped into my head since i was little "you not supposed to hurt other people" ... And i'm afraid i won't be able to stay serious.. which is a massive concern. I'm afraid that, because i'll be nervous, i'll start laughing or something, which will be REALLY bad!

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 12

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:54:12 PM

Notanaddict

Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline

Lawd, no- Good thing you asked-

When Petioning a Dominant, you must first offer tribute- at the very least, a box of choclates with a note asking if you might bother them with a request at their leisure.

If they grant the audience, you must approch wearing no aticle of clothing that is fastened with a knot, snap or zipper. Wear nothing at you neck, and something on both wrists, and no heels higher than a 'walking 'heel.

Carrying nothing in your hands, you must wait for them to speak first, and reply only with a greeting to a greeting, and answers to questions- your request must be phrased as a statement, and not as a question or request.

At no time may you speak with your eyes at a level higher than theirs, and avoid direct eye contact as much as possible.

Make sure that you wear nice underware!

Stay warm,
Lawrence
[/quote]

i must be more of a dom, because the thought of that really makes me cringe...wouldn't mind bein tied up and flogged (within my newbie limits) but the submissive part.. sounds very very hard..

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 13

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:55:48 PM

MTslave

Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

When Petioning a Dominant, you must first offer tribute- at the very least, a box of choclates with a note asking if you might bother them with a request at their leisure.

If they grant the audience, you must approch wearing no aticle of clothing that is fastened with a knot, snap or zipper. Wear nothing at you neck, and something on both wrists, and no heels higher than a 'walking 'heel.

Carrying nothing in your hands, you must wait for them to speak first, and reply only with a greeting to a greeting, and answers to questions- your request must be phrased as a statement, and not as a question or request.

At no time may you speak with your eyes at a level higher than theirs, and avoid direct eye contact as much as possible.

sighs and thinks I'm in the wrong site again

_____________________________

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.”- Erica Jong

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 14

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 2:56:50 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

I'm Kidding!

Seriously, while good manners, a little deferance, a smidge of ritual or ceremony go a long way, I have offer such service in response to petitions that consisted of 'lay a little of that whip on me?' <g>.

It is not, IMX, all that uncommon for a top (dom/me, M., whatever!) to swap some Test flesh with another just for the practice or to learn a technique- I actually consider it to be a plus as a Bottom might hold back in their critique, while another top will not.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 15

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 3:04:54 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Thank You for clarifying. I understand better now
I don't really have any advice, but i think if she really likes flogging once you start and hear the yummy sounds she makes you might not think of it as hurting and enjoy it as well. Start slow easy then build up.Pay attention to her reactions you'll know.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 16

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 3:49:19 PM

shigglyboom

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Lawd, no- Good thing you asked-

When Petioning a Dominant, you must first offer tribute- at the very least, a box of choclates with a note asking if you might bother them with a request at their leisure.

If they grant the audience, you must approch wearing no aticle of clothing that is fastened with a knot, snap or zipper. Wear nothing at you neck, and something on both wrists, and no heels higher than a 'walking 'heel.

Carrying nothing in your hands, you must wait for them to speak first, and reply only with a greeting to a greeting, and answers to questions- your request must be phrased as a statement, and not as a question or request.

At no time may you speak with your eyes at a level higher than theirs, and avoid direct eye contact as much as possible.

Make sure that you wear nice underware!

Stay warm,
Lawrence

Shouting with laughter... and then off to buy some chocolates and elastic topped clothing!

Thank you Sir for so much fun.

< Message edited by shigglyboom -- 12/18/2005 3:51:55 PM >

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 17

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 6:05:56 PM

Redb

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

quote:

but also because I wouldn't know the protocol and etiquite.. u can't just ask can u?

M. NaA-

Lawd, no- Good thing you asked-

When Petioning a Dominant, you must first offer tribute- at the very least, a box of choclates with a note asking if you might bother them with a request at their leisure.

If they grant the audience, you must approch wearing no aticle of clothing that is fastened with a knot, snap or zipper. Wear nothing at you neck, and something on both wrists, and no heels higher than a 'walking 'heel.

Carrying nothing in your hands, you must wait for them to speak first, and reply only with a greeting to a greeting, and answers to questions- your request must be phrased as a statement, and not as a question or request.

At no time may you speak with your eyes at a level higher than theirs, and avoid direct eye contact as much as possible.

Make sure that you wear nice underware!

Stay warm,
Lawrence

My GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haaaaaaaaaaaaa.. thanks so much for later posting you were kidding.. my jaw ACTUALLY dropped when i read that

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 18

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 6:09:02 PM

Notanaddict

Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline

as did mine.... could never do that

(in reply to Redb)

Post #: 19

RE: New and interested, but in relationship with experi... - 12/18/2005 6:16:32 PM

Redb

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline

Notanaddict... just to take your thread back on topic.. everyone first time to CP is a bit of a nerves thing because you DONT know how someone is going to react. You can practice on other people but really, everyone is so different that a Domme you know might re-act very differently to your lover !!

The best thing to do is to build up slowly.. watch her.. see if she in enjoying it... try warming her rather than hurting... small light repeated hits over one butt cheek.. running your hand over the reddened area in between contact... warm her up !!

Another thing.. ask her !!

Ask her "is that good, do you want it harder, do you want more" etc. listen to the way she replies rather than what she says.. if she sounds dreamy, bring her down a bit.. if she sounds turned on.. bring it up a bit... respond to her... dont give her what she wants.. give her what she needs. also, ask her to count the strokes.. its a good way to monitor her reactions !!

I'm sorry if thats not what you are asking.. but i hope its helped !!

(in reply to Notanaddict)

Post #: 20

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