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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 1:27:26 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The question is complex because it seems to address the methodology of a D/s dynamic, rather than the core. If the s-type has come to an understanding of what (s)he wants/needs in a relationship, then it falls onto them to discern if the D-type, being openly honest, can provide what they seek.

I've spoken with subs who often seem confused at a D-type who is continually attentive to the well-being of his/her sub...who enjoy providing them gifts/attention, because the s-types do not understand the process of being attended to and desired in certain ways. What I mean is, some D-types have a specific characteristics that make the pleasure of their s-type an emotional, psychological and/or sexual turn on. Some seem to have this notion that it is expected for D-types to have this aloof, enigmatic detachment that, while able to take care of the s-type consistently through provision, does not or should not act in a way that seems to prioritize the s-type's pleasure above His/Her own.

I think I'm going off on a tangent...equality is a red herring in these situations. It isn't about equality. It's about symbiosis and balance. Personally, I find that the only core issue that needs to be equal in these relationships (or any relationship) is that of emotional vulnerability. Everything else is unequal to the taste of the individuals.

I'll deal with the pertinent bullets of the list individually to try and flesh out my views:
quote:

  • "I know that the dominants needs are far more important than mine".
While, in an objective sense, I wouldn't consider this accurate, I would be pleased if the s-type sincerely views the interaction this way. Perhaps, admittedly, that is because I personally know I will have my s-type's best interest at heart to where she wouldn't need to defend herself without me doing it for her.

quote:

  • "Of course he gets what he wants, he is the dominant" (Said by someone who just met the man that day).
There is not enough context surrounding this to make a complete statement in reaction. The mentality, again, is correct in my view. It is my job as the Dom to temper what "I want" with an understanding of what is healthy for my sub, though.

quote:

  • "My needs always come second to hers/his"
Another example of proper surrendered thinking on the part of the sub. The perceived error in these sort of admissions is not that they are said, but the thought that the sub might have made a poor decision about whom to relinquish that surrender to. It all depends on the situation. In a good environment, such words are a beauty and testament to the willing vulnerability of the sub. In a bad one, they are potential recipes for being hurt.

quote:

  • "It doesn't matter how I feel, it is how she/he feels that is all that matters.
  • Yes he/she can. Because it is all about the Master/Mistress.
Same issue as with before.

quote:

  • I am the dominant, subs/slaves do as I tell them to, without question.
  • I am a Mistress. Of course my needs come before a submissives/slaves.
  • I am a Master. Of course my needs come before a submissive/slaves.
Since these are admission of personal views (which are, in a sense, advertisements of personal parameters to which prospective subs would need to abide) there is no "right " or "wrong" about them.

The first, I would totally agree with, yes. Then again, I lean towards TPE side of power exchange.

The second is a sort of misstatement. My decisions are law, and preempt any of those by the sub/slave. Sometimes my decisions will place my sub/slave's needs before my own, sometimes they won't.



< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 11/7/2008 1:31:58 PM >

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I know they're all insane
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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 1:28:04 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

In my chosen permutation of relationships, it is absolutely "all about me" -- what I want, what I expect, and what I require. To me, it is senseless to pretend that I am -not- in expectation of an unequal relationship where the servant's behavior and choices revolve around the criteria I've already set in place.

I require basic courtesies when a prospective servant is approaching me... Ma'am is fine, as is Miss Firestorm, or Ms Calla, etc., but I -do- require a measure of courtesy above and beyond what is common in our current culture.

I require the prospective servant with whom I am speaking to understand that we are not equals and will not -be- equals within the dynamic... that freedoms will be at my (or my Darling's) discretion, that behavior, when the person is in our home, will revolve around our rules, our expectations, and our needs.

Now, that being said, I have certain responsibilities as a Keeper. One of those responsibilities is to attend to the needs of those who attend to me. However, the manner in which I do that, for those who agree that our household is where they belong, is truly up to me. If I choose to be affectionate and friendly, then that needs be acceptable, because that is how I choose to handle the relationship. If I choose more distance and privacy, and leave the servant to hir own devices to attend to things, then that is what things will be for that day.

There is a great deal of opportunity to misuse power, which is the enticement of power... a quality dominant-type individual, though, will attend to things -not- because xhe is the -equal- of a given servant, but because it is within the responsibility of hir station to do so, because xhe values quality service and knows that a well tended servant will be able and willing to provide a higher quality of service, and because xhe values hir own integrity enough to care for the things that are hirs

Outside of WIITWD, a person is a person, and there is inherent value as a human being that we both share, however, I believe that it is a fantasy and a myth that all people are equal in all things. I am not the equal of my Darling in the laboratory -- she can run rings around me there. She is not my equal in storytelling... that is my purview. Neither of us is the equal of our Lavender as an artist -- she exceeds all that we can even conceive in that area... nor are any of the three of us the equal of our Adastrah, who can shape art for skin and take pictures that embody the essence of a thing in a way that none of us has the eye for... but.... my Darling is my equal in authority... and even Lavender and Adastrah yield to that authority in our household, and yes, we do, at times, put our needs before theirs, as all things must be prioritized.

If a person approaches me outside of WIITWD, I will treat hir, submissive-type or dominant-type, with courtesy, and we may even become friends, but a person who comes to me as a prospective servant in our household will, from the very beginning be evaluated, considered, and treated as a potential servant -- not as an equal, but with a courteous representation of what xhe can expect while in our household, in the same way that an employee, interviewing for a job, will be treated as a prospective employee, not as a potential bosom friend.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 11/7/2008 1:34:41 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 1:55:36 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		I enter my relationships as an equal partner regardless whether it is a D/s relationship or otherwise. How else can we develop that commitment, the emotional bond the honesty and trust that any relationship demands if we start in an unequal unbalanced footing?

It is possible of course, but these unequal relationships end up with one or both parties unfulfilled and become unhealthy in the long run.

However I place the needs of others above my own needs, whether I am in an intimate relationship or a professional one.

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 2:05:43 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

No, i do not think i am His equal.
No, i do not need to be His equal.
No, i do not want to be His equal.
 
I am not His equal in anything, my needs are not equal to His, my wants are not equal to His.
And this is how i like it.


if your needs werent being met would you be in the relationship? surely you cant be because they are needs, that means you need them, if you didnt they wouldnt be needs. just because the needs may not be what are traditionally seen as needs, like for example you dont need to be his equal in fact from the way you phrase it to be happy in a  relationship you need to not be considered his equal its still a need.

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 2:06:05 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I keep reading this on profiles and the boards.
  • "I realize it is all about the woman and what she wants".
  • "I know that the dominants needs are far more important than mine".
  • "Of course he gets what he wants, he is the dominant" (Said by someone who just met the man that day).
  • "My needs always come second to hers/his"
  • "It doesn't matter how I feel, it is how she/he feels that is all that matters.
  • Yes he/she can. Because it is all about the Master/Mistress.
  • I am the dominant, subs/slaves do as I tell them to, without question.
  • I am a Mistress. Of course my needs come before a submissives/slaves.
  • I am a Master. Of course my needs come before a submissive/slaves.

 
I ask the following question to those who have not collared or been collared yet. Those who are in negotiations or are being considered.
 
This does not apply to those who are an already established dynamic. IMO, once the dynamic has been established, what anyone else thinks about it is moot.
 
 
 
Do any of the statements above apply to you?
 
I have read posts by people who have suggested that we, as dominants are naturally going to get what we want, simply because we are dominants. Yet, on another thread that asks basically the same questions, their answers go against what they have previously posted. Not to pick on the D types, I have also seen inconsistencies in the s type answers as well. So I suppose this post was inspired by the inconsistencies of answers that I have seen here. But interesting, nonetheless.
 
For myself, if I am in negotiations with someone, I do not expect them to treat me in any other way, than what they would do with a friend. I do not expect anything from them, except honesty and openness, which I would expect from any new person I have met. I would no more try to dominate them than I would try to change the color of their skin. We are on equal ground. He has the right and the responsibility to ask as many questions of me as he needs to, in order to feel comfortable with me. I have the same right with regards to asking him questions. Until we have established, to both of our satisfaction that this is what we both want, we are both on equal footing. I am not his Mistress. I am not his Top nor am I his Dominant. I do not require him to call me "Mistress" right from the get-go. I do however ask him to treat me with the same respect that I give to him. If he were to make one of the statements that are in the above bullets, I would correct him. In my opinion, I have not earned the right to be any more special to him than any one else has.
 
Your thoughts?


I don't think there's anything left to say but ...  I agree.




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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 2:25:00 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

No, i do not think i am His equal.
No, i do not need to be His equal.
No, i do not want to be His equal.
 
I am not His equal in anything, my needs are not equal to His, my wants are not equal to His.
And this is how i like it.


if your needs werent being met would you be in the relationship? surely you cant be because they are needs, that means you need them, if you didnt they wouldnt be needs. just because the needs may not be what are traditionally seen as needs, like for example you dont need to be his equal in fact from the way you phrase it to be happy in a  relationship you need to not be considered his equal its still a need.


Even the timing and management of meeting of needs is not an absolute. Every need does not necessarily have to be met exactly when it is presented, especially since most people (of either alignment) will tend to overstate the immediacy of a need, and understate the capacity to negotiate fulfillment of that need.

There is, for each individual, and in each dynamic, a hierarchy of needs -- where one's needs may be subsumed, at least for a while, to a need that is on a higher level of he hierarchy. For example, my Darling, when she is both tired and hungry, will sleep first -- only when she is no longer tired will the need for food become overwhelming.

In the same way, in a relationship it is possible to establish a hierarchy of needs... as long as, on some level and at some point, an individual's peak needs are attended to, needs lower on the scale can be postponed for varying periods of time. It is the responsibility of the dominant-type, in an unequal relationship where the submissive-type does place the dominant-types needs before hir own, to assure that the submissive-type's needs get met on a schedule compatible with that submissive-type's capacity to subsume comfortably. It is also the dominant-type's responsibility to recognize that, any time that a need is subsumed for something else in the hierarchy, it creates a stressor until that need is met -- and knowing how to balance that stress to keep the servant healthy in all aspects is vital.

In addition -- and this -must- be addressed, IMO -- there are many things that people declare as "needs" that are, in fact, "wants". The individual's survival does not depend on these things, nor does hir mental or emotional well-being... but xhe (whether dominant- or submissive-type) places those things on the table as a 'need', in the hopes of getting what xhe wants. As a dominant-type, it is important to recognize the difference between one's own needs and one's wants... and to be certain that obtaining what one -wants- does not overstress the balance of power by failing to attend to a submissive-type's need that was, in fact, hierarchically superior to that want.... in the same way, a submissive-type individual may find that something that xhe has declared as a 'need' is evaluated as a 'want' by the dominant-type, and without sufficient evidence that it is, in fact, a genuine need, that misplaced want may find itself unfulfilled.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 3:46:49 PM   
Alighierisquest


Posts: 58
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I keep reading this on profiles and the boards.
  • "I realize it is all about the woman and what she wants".
  • "I know that the dominants needs are far more important than mine".
  • "Of course he gets what he wants, he is the dominant" (Said by someone who just met the man that day).
  • "My needs always come second to hers/his"
  • "It doesn't matter how I feel, it is how she/he feels that is all that matters.
  • Yes he/she can. Because it is all about the Master/Mistress.
  • I am the dominant, subs/slaves do as I tell them to, without question.
  • I am a Mistress. Of course my needs come before a submissives/slaves.
  • I am a Master. Of course my needs come before a submissive/slaves.

 
I ask the following question to those who have not collared or been collared yet. Those who are in negotiations or are being considered.
 
This does not apply to those who are an already established dynamic. IMO, once the dynamic has been established, what anyone else thinks about it is moot.
 
 
 
Do any of the statements above apply to you?



In the past when I was top or when I was bottom the satisfaction of us both was the priority.  True there were times when one of us would get something from a scene and the other wouldn't but those sacrifices parallel to vanilla relationships too.  If a submissive did all and truly enjoyed serving then it's all a non issue.  If not they may become disenchanted and burned out and the partnership suffers in the long run.  The worst that may happen is lackluster performance but it could cause irreparable breaches especially when there is no feedback.

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 4:30:09 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I never consider myself an equal. He stated what he wanted and needed. Upon thinking about it i agreed. Our relationship has always been in his control. He says he wants something, i do it. Does he take in consideration of my feelings? Yes, but the final outcome is always left up to him, when it deals with us.

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 4:35:29 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

No, i do not think i am His equal.
No, i do not need to be His equal.
No, i do not want to be His equal.
 
I am not His equal in anything, my needs are not equal to His, my wants are not equal to His.
And this is how i like it.


if your needs werent being met would you be in the relationship? surely you cant be because they are needs, that means you need them, if you didnt they wouldnt be needs. just because the needs may not be what are traditionally seen as needs, like for example you dont need to be his equal in fact from the way you phrase it to be happy in a  relationship you need to not be considered his equal its still a need.

 
This thread isn't about my need's in general, it's about being equal or not. I personally do not have the need to be equal to Him in any shape or form. I don't need equality, equal rights or to be equal with Him in any shape or form. Neither do i want any of the aforementioned.
 

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:00:03 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Before you met, before you ever even knew each other's names or if you existed....were you equals then? Or do you just generally feel that you are inferior to anyone who is dominant? If you do feel that you are equal as you relate to other human beings in general....what is it about meeting that would instantly skew the balance?

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~erin~

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:06:02 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Before you met, before you ever even knew each other's names or if you existed....were you equals then? Or do you just generally feel that you are inferior to anyone who is dominant? If you do feel that you are equal as you relate to other human beings in general....what is it about meeting that would instantly skew the balance?


Hmm good question.
I would have to say yes we were equals before we met. However that is only because we hadn't met. As soon as i started talking to Him i was submissive towards Him, there was just something there. It seems this is always the way for me, not always been successful however lol.
 

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:14:13 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well that is kind of where I was headed with it. Not that I mean you any disrespect by it but it has been my observation over time here that you do have a tendency to instantly submit and unstantly totally devote yourself but I haven't necessarily observed, as you pointed out, successful results from such a strategy. Oh and believe me, it's not just something I have observed with you misst...I've seen lots of women who seem to fall into that same track. I am just wondering if you might be able to pinpoint why you feel you instantly become the inferior long before you ever really know them or know if they deserve being held up in a superior light?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:18:13 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Well that is kind of where I was headed with it. Not that I mean you any disrespect by it but it has been my observation over time here that you do have a tendency to instantly submit and unstantly totally devote yourself but I haven't necessarily observed, as you pointed out, successful results from such a strategy. Oh and believe me, it's not just something I have observed with you misst...I've seen lots of women who seem to fall into that same track. I am just wondering if you might be able to pinpoint why you feel you instantly become the inferior long before you ever really know them or know if they deserve being held up in a superior light?


If only i knew. I agree with you completely that my strategy for want of a better word has rarely paid off. In fact it has only paid off once in about three years. I don't feel instant submission to every D type i speak to but seem to go for the ones that i do. Maybe it's time to rethink that pattern. Thank you, you helped me see something about myself here.

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:26:26 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting question, here are my thoughts. 

First of all I don't think any relationship is composed of equals - the vanilla ideal for romantic relationships is that everything is 50/50, but someone almost always cares about the other one more, and whichever one that is is the one with the most power.  I don't see why this wouldn't apply to BDSM relationships as well.

I am in negotiations with someone and we are considering each other.  I would not say I am being treated the same way I would be with any of my other friends, because if one of my other friends were to send me a 237 item checklist of my lifestyle interests and limits and such, I would think it odd to say the least, since none of my other friends are in this lifestyle that I know of:) 

I'd say both parties are equal in that they both have the ultimate power to end the relationship, since I identify as sub not slave...but as others have pointed out that power can only be used once...

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RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:26:30 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Well that is kind of where I was headed with it. Not that I mean you any disrespect by it but it has been my observation over time here that you do have a tendency to instantly submit and unstantly totally devote yourself but I haven't necessarily observed, as you pointed out, successful results from such a strategy. Oh and believe me, it's not just something I have observed with you misst...I've seen lots of women who seem to fall into that same track. I am just wondering if you might be able to pinpoint why you feel you instantly become the inferior long before you ever really know them or know if they deserve being held up in a superior light?


If only i knew. I agree with you completely that my strategy for want of a better word has rarely paid off. In fact it has only paid off once in about three years. I don't feel instant submission to every D type i speak to but seem to go for the ones that i do. Maybe it's time to rethink that pattern. Thank you, you helped me see something about myself here.


I'm glad that you understood it in the light that I meant it. It's something that I've actually been trying to figure out how to ask you for awhile now but it seemed that no matter what way I worded it I was afraid you'd be offended by it. I just see you as really having a lot to offer someone but I don't think you place enough credit or value on yourself sometimes and you rush in headlong. It's almost as if you have some little voice telling you that if you allow yourself the luxury of taking your time and holding back a little that you will lose them. Like it's just gotta be all or nothing. In my own life I have found the exact opposite to be true. Sometimes, the hardest secret to keep is your own. I'm not going to say that you WON"T lose a quantity in the process when you are being selective....but I will tell you that what you end up with is quality...and I'd rather have that over numbers. Anyway, glad you didn't take offense.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:36:09 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:



I'm glad that you understood it in the light that I meant it. It's something that I've actually been trying to figure out how to ask you for awhile now but it seemed that no matter what way I worded it I was afraid you'd be offended by it.

No offence taken whatsoever.

quote:

 I just see you as really having a lot to offer someone but I don't think you place enough credit or value on yourself sometimes and you rush in headlong. It's almost as if you have some little voice telling you that if you allow yourself the luxury of taking your time and holding back a little that you will lose them.

There is definatelysome truth to this. I've always gone very much on instinct with everything in my life and other than personal relationships it usually, 98% of the time works. Do i value myself and am i aware of what i have to offer, yes. Value enough and aware enough, probably not.

quote:

Like it's just gotta be all or nothing. In my own life I have found the exact opposite to be true. Sometimes, the hardest secret to keep is your own. I'm not going to say that you WON"T lose a quantity in the process when you are being selective....but I will tell you that what you end up with is quality...and I'd rather have that over numbers. Anyway, glad you didn't take offense.

I will keep this in mind

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 5:43:54 PM   
Barelily


Posts: 96
Joined: 10/8/2008
Status: offline 		When I know I'm considered an equal match as a slave to his level of Dominance, then I will submit completely. Thats the only ground I'm interested in being equal on.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 8:05:12 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

then by all means, beat feet!  


~grins~ We call that bastinado!

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 8:51:30 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		equal? no.
i'm sweet and low, a sugar sub~

the fact that "that" is the first thing to pop in my head must mean i'm feeling one of my lighthearted moods today. 

speaking of, am i the only one that seems to notice that these profiles that say "it's all about me" so often have 18 paragraphs that consist only of what i damn well better be like if i wish to contact or be with that person, yet says nothing at all about them aside from being the woman i can only fantasize about being with?  if it's all about you, shouldn't you like clue us in as to who the hell you even are?

to start with seriously answering this question though, the one i either see the most, or take note of the most aside from, "it's all about me" is "i want to know what makes you tick; i want to know your needs, your fetishes, your desires and interests so i can understand who you are, but never forget that none of them matter, it's all about me, and you will only ever be concerned about mine". 

but yes, i absolutely approach every one and even sort of "fantasize" of my relationships in this manner; either from being blind, naive, inexperienced, foolish, or any other reason that causes me have no semblance of foresight. 

it is all about them, until not "reality" by my viewpoint, but the broad truth rather... slaps you in the face like a dash of cold water.  what i want in a relationship is very simple and very unlikely to not be fulfilled from one, it is simply having "them", but if it was lacking, the relationship could not exist, and often enough i see people describe the relationship they're looking for where it is obvious that i'll never have enough of "them".  no touching, cuckolding, service only... there's many scenarios where the relationship will forever deprive me of being as close to them as i so desperately desire.  i can tolerate almost anything for an indefinite amount of time, but for my relationship with a significant other to consist of such neglect 24/7 i could not sustain a healthy mentality. 

other things include my time spent with others, where me being "her's" sounds amazing, if it is to mean as it does with some people, that my contact with friends and family must be severed, it is clear that it is probably too much "about you" for my own good and in my confusion of "who to pick" i will begin to feel lost and torn.  then there's always the other situations of not understanding at first what "their needs" will cost you, and when as i have done before come to realize just how high the price is, a person begins to realize it is not just about the needs of one, not matter how much both of us may wish it could be.  there's also the situation of them not realizing what exactly they're asking of you and what it will mean.

the other problem i have from the mindset of "it's all about me and my needs" is you don't need, let alone want anything from ME.  it is in fact so much about "you", that you don't care who is doing what, you only care about what is being done to, or for you.  every time i see someone who i have a fondness for, yet as i try to get close i begin to understand has this selfish "it's all about me" mindset, it causes me to become a little sad and disheartened in the realization that i will never be able to amount or be anything important to them.  it's like falling in love with a doll, and only your own fantasies which disregard the plain and simple truth of the situation can bring you any happiness.

this has led me to one way to sum things up as to what i "need" in a relationship for it to work, as my general mindset is "it's all about you" and that is always going to be my approach with people and how i try to concern myself.

it is all about your needs, but i must be one of them.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 11/7/2008 9:31:11 PM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Are You Equal? - 11/7/2008 10:12:54 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eri
I want to say no but I would be lying. I do not feel that the above statements -should- apply to submissives who are not in relationships and yet I know that I often adhere to those statements, putting others' wants and needs so far above my own that I will outright neglect myself in an effort to be a "good submissive".



I really relate to this. It is something I am working on now and is not easy for me. But after my slavery to my former master, I realize some changes need to be made in my thinking. For now I am being cautious with myself. I notice when I am doing this (neglecting myself) and I find myself in a quandary. I naturally begin putting everything about him first and then I remember how damaging that ended up being for me. It feels unnatural but necessary to pull back.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to eri)
Profile   Post #: 40
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