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Sallamanda -> RE: The friendship factor from the other side (11/8/2008 8:05:40 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If you did not have the dynamic with the person you are submitting to, would you want that person in your life as your friend? Do they have qualities that make you want them in your life aside from D/s or M/s? What was the reason for choosing the response you did? Is the friendship factor an important consideration for you when seeking a Dominant.
My thanks in advance to any and all who are willing to participate in this thread. I hope it will be an interesting discussion.
LadyPact, I am really glad to see a thread on this subject as for me, friendship is the most important element of a vanilla/bdsm relationship - I have never had a vanilla relationship without being friends with the man first, and I'm extremely new to D/s and am yet to be in a D/s relationship.
To answer your questions:
1. I have only submitted to one Dominant so far, and that was after getting to know each other for some time - it didn't work out for reasons outside of the two of us. We are now just friends and I know I can rely on him as a friend and we chat about anything and everything. So, yes.
2. Yes. I need to be able to respect their intelligence, kindness, understanding, humour, responsibility and flexibility of thought. I don't know that any of those are actually essential for others in a D/s relationship but when I enter into one it will only be with a Master who has a well-rounded personality that clicks with my own.
3. I covered this in No.2.
4. The Friendship Factor is enormously important - if we are not friends then there is nothing there to miss if that person is away or when you are apart. (I am going from my vanilla relationships here, however I am applying the same criteria to my interest in finding a Master). Friends look out for each other, indulge your eccentricities (and in this area of life there are usually plenty of those), are more understanding and you can hold comfortable conversations or be in complete silence without problems. I have to be friends with a Master who I have to trust as completely as people do in a D/s relationship, for me friendship = trust. From friendship and trust, a very deep attachment, sometimes love, develops, but without that base of friendship, I have no interest.
Also, I have actually never been sexually attracted to anyone I wasn't first friends with - I realise D/s isn't only about sex, but it's a major part. At least it better be, lol.
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