RE: The friendship factor from the other side

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RE: The friendship factor from the other side - 11/8/2008 4:02:19 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monywildcat

If I don't like you as a friend, as a person, I sure as hell aren't going to let you tie me up and beat me. Nor will I be submitting to you on any level.

My thoughts exactly.

(in reply to monywildcat)

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Post #: 21

RE: The friendship factor from the other side - 11/8/2008 8:05:40 PM

Sallamanda

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If you did not have the dynamic with the person you are submitting to, would you want that person in your life as your friend? Do they have qualities that make you want them in your life aside from D/s or M/s? What was the reason for choosing the response you did? Is the friendship factor an important consideration for you when seeking a Dominant.

My thanks in advance to any and all who are willing to participate in this thread. I hope it will be an interesting discussion.

LadyPact, I am really glad to see a thread on this subject as for me, friendship is the most important element of a vanilla/bdsm relationship - I have never had a vanilla relationship without being friends with the man first, and I'm extremely new to D/s and am yet to be in a D/s relationship.

To answer your questions:
1. I have only submitted to one Dominant so far, and that was after getting to know each other for some time - it didn't work out for reasons outside of the two of us. We are now just friends and I know I can rely on him as a friend and we chat about anything and everything. So, yes.

2. Yes. I need to be able to respect their intelligence, kindness, understanding, humour, responsibility and flexibility of thought. I don't know that any of those are actually essential for others in a D/s relationship but when I enter into one it will only be with a Master who has a well-rounded personality that clicks with my own.

3. I covered this in No.2.

4. The Friendship Factor is enormously important - if we are not friends then there is nothing there to miss if that person is away or when you are apart. (I am going from my vanilla relationships here, however I am applying the same criteria to my interest in finding a Master). Friends look out for each other, indulge your eccentricities (and in this area of life there are usually plenty of those), are more understanding and you can hold comfortable conversations or be in complete silence without problems. I have to be friends with a Master who I have to trust as completely as people do in a D/s relationship, for me friendship = trust. From friendship and trust, a very deep attachment, sometimes love, develops, but without that base of friendship, I have no interest.

Also, I have actually never been sexually attracted to anyone I wasn't first friends with - I realise D/s isn't only about sex, but it's a major part. At least it better be, lol.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: The friendship factor from the other side - 11/8/2008 8:21:23 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I agree with what Lordandmaster stated: "But a truly rewarding relationship can only be with someone who is a friend too."

Master and I were originally just play partners for each other and when I decided I didn't want to play he still offered his friendship. Through that we somehow managed to keep somewhat in touch..his side more than me. The friendship and emails ebbed and flowed for close to a year and then somehow the M/s relationship took off.

Despite our current situation and challenges, I certainly hope the bond of friendship remains as he is a wonderful man and a good friend.

(in reply to Sallamanda)

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Post #: 23

RE: The friendship factor from the other side - 11/8/2008 9:29:10 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

If you did not have the dynamic with the person you are submitting to, would you want that person in your life as your friend? Do they have qualities that make you want them in your life aside from D/s or M/s? What was the reason for choosing the response you did? Is the friendship factor an important consideration for you when seeking a Dominant.

i'd definitely still want him as my friend, if the dynamic wasn't there. he's gnarly :) ridiculously intelligent and fun and easy to talk to about anything, and i feel really understood on some kind of extremely basic level. he's the only Dom i've had, so i don't have any "practice" with choosing, other than the fact that it felt very easy and natural with him. but he was one of the first friends i made when i moved, and then we turned into "something else" and theeen we turned into what we are now.
he's just a really neat person :)

(in reply to gypsygrl)

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Post #: 24