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how fast is to fast? - 12/18/2005 2:25:28 PM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		ok, so i've already posted a topic on being new and interested, but also being with someone who is a experienced sub. Don't think she is so much a sub in all aspects of her life, but definatly on the scene.

My question is.. long..

I have met several of her BDSM scene friends, and have been told there is some "interest" in me... from other doms. and i've heard parties been suggested..

How should I go about this? I mean, I want experience, i'd love to watch and learn, get any knowledge I can, But how to start? Reading some forums, it seems I have been introduced to some off the more edgy stuff first (bloodsports, needleplay, fisting)?

Where do i start, especially in a group where there is a lot of experience, and obviously people know eachother very well?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/18/2005 2:36:09 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Go as fast or as slow as you feel comfortable with, there is no correct pace. Don't let anyone push you into doing something you aren't comfortable with. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and by all means do watch, listen and learn. Nothing wrong with going to a party, if you have any concerns, make it clear you just want to watch until you feel more comfortable and ask if that is okay. If they have no problem with it, then watch and enjoy. If they put any pressure on you, stand your ground and ask them to stop, if they don't, leave.

There's no such thing as going too fast or too slow, there's only what is right for you and only you really know what that is. Go with your gut on things and don't let others tell you otherwise.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Notanaddict)
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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/18/2005 2:39:08 PM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		Thank you for reply it is greatly appreciated.

Any general "rules of thumb" when it comes to etiquite around these things? like parties, or introductions to others on the scene?

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/18/2005 2:45:51 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not the best one to ask about that since I don't care for play parties and don't go. However, in general I've found that basic good manners are appropriate anywhere in life. Lucky Ablatross, John Warren, Archer and some others are far better qualified to answer that question than I am.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/23/2005 8:17:58 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings non addict
seasons greetings and happy holidays,to you and yours
wishing you much magic.....
i am a slave bottom always and when i was alone in rhode island seeking out staying in my culture and lifestyle or what else is there...i was invited to go to parites but they made sure they told me ,but remember, if you come you have to serve...,if i was alone, without a dom, or i did'nt think serve meant butler ,or fancy chrismatic service as ,in chaufeur, or escourt; i just didnt show up...
i had passing scared thots ,about ;oh no; i am a slave ,and, what if i'm told, to do this one and, that one, because i ,belong to no one and, i have no mistress dom who cares for me...trust me ...,just DONT GO...if you have a little voice that says no,....
of course there's hygene tips ,and, all those xtra precautions, in case it's too late ,for a slave,to leave and ,you get stuck, but ,that's, not worth it, if you are even the tiniest bit afraid; dont go.... you can't come anyway....if you can't relax; be respected and, expected, and be yourself ;all the way....

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 12/23/2005 8:20:53 PM >

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jamesthehumanrug

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/23/2005 10:27:10 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Go as fast or as slow as you feel comfortable with, there is no correct pace. Don't let anyone push you into doing something you aren't comfortable with. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and by all means do watch, listen and learn. Nothing wrong with going to a party, if you have any concerns, make it clear you just want to watch until you feel more comfortable and ask if that is okay. If they have no problem with it, then watch and enjoy. If they put any pressure on you, stand your ground and ask them to stop, if they don't, leave.

There's no such thing as going too fast or too slow, there's only what is right for you and only you really know what that is. Go with your gut on things and don't let others tell you otherwise.


Once again Padriag, you are so right here. This is some of the best advice that can be given.

As for the OP.

Even as fast I was shoved into this. I was able to find out on this site alone. Over the past month. That although I have always felt the submissive in me trying to break through, and even allowed myself to believe it had. I was sadly mistaken. From my previous "experiances" to what I know now... and have found out what I do not know. I was merely trying to find myself all this time. And was basically used for others kinky sex. And during this, being told I was a submissive and or slave. I found that though I knew I could be more, no one helped me. Not even with the simple advice, and opinions that I have read on this forum. The kindness.... and some of the harshness I have and will again experiance to some of my questions and postings have helped me.. and are helping me.. find out more about me. And I really owe it to one Lord on here. Who took the time to e-mail me... and tell me... to stop.. look... listen... learn.

So take your time... learn all you can. And never let anyone push you faster than you are ready to go. And that's even if and when you meet that one that might be "the one".

Best of luck to you...

Jessica

Oh and one more things this Lord said to me. Be true to myself. And to others. So that I might see and be seen by others for who I really am. And that this will help me along my journey in the life I have chosen to live.

Merry Christmas, and A Happier New Years to you and your family

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 12/23/2005 10:32:10 PM >

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/23/2005 10:49:53 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		other than that I never play in any way on the first meeting, I can't think of any other limitations one way or the other that I would have about going too fast or too slow.

< Message edited by afmvdp -- 12/23/2005 10:50:33 PM >

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- Crowley ~ OTO Liber III

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/24/2005 7:54:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I'm not the best one to ask about that since I don't care for play parties and don't go. However, in general I've found that basic good manners are appropriate anywhere in life. Lucky Ablatross, John Warren, Archer and some others are far better qualified to answer that question than I am.

Aww gacias.

Use the same manners you've always known- they should work just fine. That won't stop people from telling you that you aren't acting right to try and make you feel bad and get them to do what you want to do. But the reality is, unless you're going into some specialized high protocol party...the same vanilla manners are all you need to concern yourself with.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/24/2005 8:04:45 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have met several of her BDSM scene friends, and have been told there is some "interest" in me... from other doms. and i've heard parties been suggested..

How should I go about this? I mean, I want experience, i'd love to watch and learn, get any knowledge I can, But how to start? Reading some forums, it seems I have been introduced to some off the more edgy stuff first (bloodsports, needleplay, fisting)?

Where do i start, especially in a group where there is a lot of experience, and obviously people know eachother very well?


Do you have interest? You say they are interested in you, which men are pigs. Of course they would be they see you as fresh meat. There are men at every munch I host that only come for the fresh meat.
Since you say you want experience, I assume you are also interested. I'd find a munch group. Watch, talk and learn. Get to know the hosts...they usually host parties as well. Let them know who you are and what you'd like to accomplish but you'd like to go at a pace that is ok with yourself. Not other's. They will help.
How fast or not only depends upon you. You should not allow someone else to rush you. Many so called doms will try but in the end you should stay true to yourself and a good dom will wait for you. He will know you are worth waiting for.

Beyond all read, be a sponge no matter where you go. Before long you will feel comfortable.


(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/24/2005 1:41:57 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notanaddict

Thank you for reply it is greatly appreciated.

Any general "rules of thumb" when it comes to etiquite around these things? like parties, or introductions to others on the scene?

This is true for anyone new and for your OP as well - don't let *anyone* pressure you into doing anything you're uncomfortable with. Most especially for newbies, it's ok to say "NO!"

And if it does come to that - expect to be called names such as you're not serious about BDSM, you're playing games or you're not submissive blah blah.... Until you gain experience and confidence, remember you're not just there for other's entertainment so stay within *your* comfort zone. Genuine people will understand that trust has to be earnt and it's the selfish and ignorant who'll get pissed at you.

You start just like you're entering a swimming pool - some wade in slowly from the shallow end and some like to dive in at the deep end first - you have to decide what's best for you.

It doesn't matter what the occasion or what self acclaimed titles someone masquerades under, an arsehole will still look and act like an arsehole, even to a first day newbie! So trust your own instincts about *anyone*!

Focus.

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/24/2005 6:41:35 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Make it clear that you are only attending the party to meet people and observe. Check with the principals of the party to make sure only being an observor is ok. Should they say no then you stay home rather than put yourself in a positon your unsure of.

I would wonder why if some of these "doms" are interested in you they wouldn't try a conversation rather tham starting with a party.

K

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/24/2005 6:52:42 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		go under the "protection" of a Dom or Domme so you can watch and learn--that way you see protocol before you step on toes---good luck

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/24/2005 7:36:16 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		I have never beeen to a play party where you HAD to play. Many don't play, but come for the social aspect and to learn..If you are expected to play, either ask before going or excuse yourself and leave. Never, never do anything you don't want to do. You go at the speed that is good for you and not what is for another. Stay your ground.

As for ettiquette, be polite and as you would act in an everyday situation. If they practice high protocols, they should be aware you are new to this and help educate you..If you get none of this, you are in the wrong group. You then keep seaching until you find one you can be yourself with..I think you can find what you need..

Respectfully,
sultry

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For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/25/2005 10:07:46 AM   
wolffeathers


Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline 		To add a little more.

If you can, get to know some of those that go to the parties, and find out what their experences are.

Not only those that have enjoyed it, but those that have had problems.

This way, you get a well rounded idea about what to expect.

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It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

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RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/25/2005 10:42:55 AM   
Nendarye


Posts: 147
Joined: 12/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I was told that if it feels too fast to you, then it's going too fast.

Not the best advice, but I have found that it is usually true.

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: how fast is to fast? - 12/25/2005 11:37:10 AM   
MsIce


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry to say but as I was reading your question - I got the throught "fresh meat"
Often in the scene there are a limited number of players and sometimes a new person is highly sought after, due to the fact that their limits etc are not known, especially to the new person themselves.

No reading can suffice for real life. But you live in a big city - there will be local groups there, join them. There is nothing at all to say that you should play at your first party. You are in charge of yourself. Use your time to talk to people in real life. By watching people in play you can look for someone that you feel you could trust for a first time experience.

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Profile   Post #: 16
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