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moving from the bedroom.... - 11/8/2008 9:31:01 PM   
CollaredChicklet


Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		ok.. so my Sir and I have been "trying" to move my submissiveness/His domliness to outside of the bedrrom.  But to us, there are so many things that are impractical.. and we are struggling to find ways to bring it more into everyday...  but we're finding it difficult... any ideas!!!??  I mean, we wanted to try me not being able to open a door when He is around, but that isn't practical.  we are fencers, and we carry LOTS of gear. :P  things like that make it impractical.  We currently do not live together, so that adds to the mix, and I have a roommate, who is there almost 24/7.  also, I am a pre-service teacher (which means I'm about to run a classroom of my own), so I have to be able to remain professional at all times.  I know everyone has things they need to work through, but if anyone has any suggestions about how to work around these and incorporate it into our everyday relationship, any help would be greatly appreciated.  This is something I WANT, and I know that for sure. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.    thanks for all the help!!  :D
--CC


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"The sea was calm, your heart would have responded gaily, when invited, beating obediently to controlling hands" --T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/8/2008 11:06:18 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		Maybe you can do very subtle things that only you two are aware of.
Perhaps around everyday activities, like eating dinner.
Maybe ask him if he'd like the table set any certain way, a preference for certain glasses or plates or something like that.
Ask to clear his place when he is through.
Stuff like that. Like mom served dad on The Waltons (... or something comparable).
Then when you would observe those simple things you would both be conscious of it, but it wouldn't be a big deal to others who might be around.

It doesn't always have to be a big deal; sometimes little touches and thoughtfulness can feel good.

He might like to select your underwear or other clothing. Nothing impractical, necessarily.
Maybe present him with two choices and let him pick; too many choices in the mysterious realm of women's clothing can be daunting. Sometimes it's fun to dress a partner, though, and panties, at least, are usually easy.

(in reply to CollaredChicklet)
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/8/2008 11:52:49 PM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		Things my beloved slave does, that are his way of serving me, without being ......out there......

He opens doors for me, he makes sure my glass or cup is always full, he waits until I sit down before he sits, he try's keep a look out for my needs, he always offers me the remote control for the TV if we are watching Tv together( this is a big one for men....lol)
Subtle things I do that help him "get his mind right" (yes cool hand luke fans I love that line)
I choose his underwear....... he used to be a tighty whitie guy...... now he wears silk boxers..... he says the feel is remarkably different.
I choose his cologne, he is reminded of me by it's scent...... it is my choice of scent for him.
When alone, or even sometimes in public..... I call him pet....... to me it is his name.
He is required to keep his public area shaved clean.
He wears several pieces of symbolic jewelry daily, very vanilla in look but a special meaning to us. A stainless steel chain around his neck ( heavy necklace, which is hidden under his suit/tie during the day to avoid the pimp look) to remind him he is collared to me, a titanium ID braclet to remind him of cuffs, and a wedding ring to show to the world he belongs to me.

hope some of this helps in what your looking for.



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Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to Jeptha)
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/8/2008 11:57:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's not about what you do, it's about who you are, who has the authority.  How about scheduled call times?  Underwear approval?  Lunch approval?  Deviation from schedule approval?  What errands do you do for him? 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/9/2008 12:07:59 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		A simple answer would be to turn this thread into a list, asking posters to offer up ways in which they symbolize their dynamic through actions. Then ask your Sir take a peek at the slew of suggestions here and pick some out at random that resonate with what he likes.

Sometimes having to come up with a specific movie one wants to watch is a lot more difficult than being able to go to the video store and browse what's available until something strikes a fancy.


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"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/9/2008 1:06:53 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not about what you do, it's about who you are, who has the authority.  How about scheduled call times?  Underwear approval?  Lunch approval?  Deviation from schedule approval?  What errands do you do for him? 


as you say it much better....I just quote it  ;)

BDSM is not about beeing x-rated or shock people (not only at least).

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/9/2008 5:28:56 AM   
CollaredChicklet


Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		thanks for the suggestions, everyone...  and yes, I do lots for him!  :P  I always make sure he is happy, with the things I do.  Most of the interactions that we have during everyday are small, but significant to us, like you said.  I don't want to "make a big deal".  There's more to BDSM relationships other than "show", and I'm pretty sure people will agree with me on that.  anyways..I believe I am starting to ramble....  but thanks for all of the suggestions, keep 'em coming if you'd like!   

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"The sea was calm, your heart would have responded gaily, when invited, beating obediently to controlling hands" --T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

(in reply to JustDarkness)
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/9/2008 6:46:27 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I started with bedroom only service.  Since then I have been tasked with cleaning his home when asked, helping to care for a sick family member (who does not know of our relationship), running errands, etc.  The average person looking at me would never guess that I am a slave. 

You might want to think about things like writing a short night time journal sharing your thoughts each day and sending it to him.  My first long business trip away from my Master he had me kneel facing east (I went to Singapore) and pray that I would be a good slave to him and put his pleasure first.  That made me feel very close to him.  Depending on how much he enjoys details you could have small rituals at mealtimes, like always taking a sip of water before your first bite.  These things can go virtually unnoticed by others but keep that bond close.


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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/9/2008 7:02:24 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		chicklet (love the name), expanding outside the bedroom is an exercise in imagination. My slave and I do not live together so we find ways to stir up our world by doing unexpected things. She sometimes finds an interesting bondage posture that intriques her and tells me about it over the phone. I sometimes text her in the middle of the day and demand she perform some activity, which doesn't have to be fetish. It can range from finding a private place and assuming her slave posture to making her perform some cruel torture to herself. Like you she is in a profession (and an area) where everything we do must remain private.

It can also be a phone call from her telling me how much she desires my touch, or a call from me giving her vague ideas about what is in store for her the next time we are together.

You get the idea. The idea is to do things during the day that keeps the heat turned up. I've only scratched the surface. The two of you need to activate that kinky imagination of yours to come up with your own ideas.

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You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to CollaredChicklet)
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RE: moving from the bedroom.... - 11/9/2008 7:43:35 AM   
CollaredChicklet


Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I started with bedroom only service.  Since then I have been tasked with cleaning his home when asked, helping to care for a sick family member (who does not know of our relationship), running errands, etc.  The average person looking at me would never guess that I am a slave. 

You might want to think about things like writing a short night time journal sharing your thoughts each day and sending it to him.  My first long business trip away from my Master he had me kneel facing east (I went to Singapore) and pray that I would be a good slave to him and put his pleasure first.  That made me feel very close to him.  Depending on how much he enjoys details you could have small rituals at mealtimes, like always taking a sip of water before your first bite.  These things can go virtually unnoticed by others but keep that bond close.



I don't currently have a nighttime "journal", but I do have to write things for Him, either to brush up on my knowledge of a particular subject, or to communicate general feelings or feedback.  I find that writing is much easier for me, I know how to communicate through written words.  But of course, one problem is that it has always been my comfort zone. I would much rather email someone than call them, I'd much rather write my feelings than express them vocally.  I find I can choose the right words when writing.  That's how I've always been.  But some part of me knows that I need to get out of that habit.  He knows it too. I don't want to rely mostly on the written form, but  I think, that a journal combined with some sort of verbal discussion afterwards would help.  thanks! 


_____________________________



"The sea was calm, your heart would have responded gaily, when invited, beating obediently to controlling hands" --T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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