RE: When communication breaks down... or was never there to begin with?

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RE: When communication breaks down... or was never ther... - 11/10/2008 5:02:41 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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My male sub was the worst communicator I had ever seen. This is something he learned at home as a child. When he was a Dom he was used to barking orders, belittling his slave or just screaming at her if she did not perform as he desired. With me he would not do any of that but instead bottled it up and said nothing. I refused to put up with this type of behavior and lack of communication, so we underwent a communications exercise. He literally had to relearn how to communicate calmly and positively with another person, because it was something he had never learned before. It was slow going and stressful at times but the payoff has been well worth it.

Perhaps your Dom does not know how to communicate, or perhaps he just does not want too. You need to decide if your needs are being met and if you are happy in the relationship as is. If not you may want to consider counseling or finding a new Dom.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

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RE: When communication breaks down... or was never ther... - 11/10/2008 8:01:19 AM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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In general BSB and I have pretty clear and open communication even about hard stuff. However, there are a couple of issues she struggles to talk about (usually things she believes will hurt me emotionally) and even more common, things she doesn't yet understand about herself and which she has trouble putting into words.

Knowing we have good communication in general makes working on places where it is hard possible. If our communication sucked, hitting a rough patch would be far worse and perhaps end it. Instead I just sort of hammer away, doing my best to make her feel safe in trying to talk about it. People fear being mocked, being vulnerable, being silly, or weak. Knowing what your partners fears and hurt places are, one can sort of guess where they get blocked up at and you do your best to reassure them they can talk about those issues with you, nudge them a bit and for the love of god when they are struggling to get it out, be gentle, reassuring, and nurturing.

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RE: When communication breaks down... or was never ther... - 11/10/2008 8:18:30 AM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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All of which is very sane advice... assuming it is your assessment that your partner actually is at least trying to communicate. In my mind, if that is not the OP's assessment, then the answer is that there is no relationship... move on.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: When communication breaks down... or was never ther... - 11/10/2008 10:43:14 AM

ProlificNeeds

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Joined: 5/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

All of which is very sane advice... assuming it is your assessment that your partner actually is at least trying to communicate. In my mind, if that is not the OP's assessment, then the answer is that there is no relationship... move on.

Indeed so. My latest attempt to talk with him resulted in... a lot of hatefulness, and when I point blank told him he was making it painful and next to impossible to talk to him he abruptly left with a threat of vindictiveness. I do not foresee any further reason to try and 'fix' things.

The only question left hanging on my mind is.. "Where are my CD's?!" Okay there are no CD's but you get what I mean.

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Post #: 24