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WestBaySlave -> RE: pertinent questions (12/14/2010 3:55:42 AM)
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This is my list for folks online. Some of the basics I'm not including ( are you seeking a sub; are you seeking a long-term relationship ) as I rarely need to ask unless the profile is totally blank.
1. What do you seek out of this kind of a relationship?
This is a very open-ended question but will tell you quite a bit depending on how someone answers. It's a good conversation starter to get the ball rolling.
2. Are you seeking a monogamous long-term-relationship?
This is an absolute must for me, so it's always one of the first things out of the gate. This is my absolute must, but whatever your main priorities are should be addressed as soon and as directly as possible, especially hard limits and things essential in a relationship for you. So, while I'm using monogamy, put your prime need here.
3. Imagine it's an average day - not an event; not something unusual. How do you see an average day for you and yours?
This sounds like a silly question and on some level it is, given one can't see the future. But, it's great at rooting out people with an unrealistic depiction of alternative lifestyles. If what I get is a detailed masturbation fantasy where the average day is an unending kink session on the flying trapeze, I'll know the person is either very inexperienced or is just seeking an online fantasy.
4. What have your past relationship experiences been?
Another one I leave open-ended, as a man's vanilla relationship history often says as much about him as what he's involved himself in from the dominant side.
5. What do you really love in life?
This can be anything. It can be people, places, hobbies, really - anything. It's another path to get a man to open up and share who he is aside from the just being dom ( though there's no reason that couldn't be expressed here too ).
Things I count against someone when they answer these:
- Conversation that reads like a long-winded pornographic fantasy rather than a genuine dialog.
- Shutting down or losing interest whenever the topic is not D/s- or BDSM-related.
- Being evasive when it comes to direct, important questions about who he is and what he seeks.
- Being either unexpectedly rude or extremely pushy in the first, casual conversations.
Things that I give points to when they answer these:
- Friendly, civil conversation that's open and direct; sexual and fetish matters discussed openly but not pornographically.
- Open about basics like name, location, desires, and lifestyle.
- Elaborates on complex questions rather than gives monosyllabic answers.
- Seems solidly grounded in reality with realistic expectations of someone they've just spoken to.
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