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pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 4:59:13 PM   
bdksbabe


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline 		this question is for all of  you seasoned subs and/or slaves.  what would some pertinent questions to ask
a potential Dom.  i do have a list of my own, but thought it might be insightful to hear some suggestions.

Thank You!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:08:45 PM   
Kdpsdragon


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		My first question would be to ask about His experience as a Dom. See what skills He has. Then I might ask how his views on Domming in general

(in reply to bdksbabe)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:09:16 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bdksbabe

this question is for all of  you seasoned subs and/or slaves.  what would some pertinent questions to ask
a potential Dom.  i do have a list of my own, but thought it might be insightful to hear some suggestions.

Thank You!

In person or online?

In person,  I tend to be a bit more personal about the questions I ask.

Online; just simple things like...what is your name, where do you live, what do you do for a living, arer you married, divorced, seperated, in a relationship, how long in a relationship, how long out of a relationship....just those simple things like that.

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(in reply to bdksbabe)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:10:52 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Ask him whether he's a frog.  That way you can tell whether he's a Cretan.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:14:23 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I may not be sub, but I do have many sub friends I advise.
The number one most pertinant question to ask is what sort of involvement the dominant sees with you. Are you going to be a recognized parter or a secret? Are you going to be a romantic partner as well, or just a sub/slave? And you have to make sure you are comfortable with what he or she sees as the relationship. If you arent, then it will not work from the get go.

Also, you might want to know whether or not he uses safe words and the like whe you play. Especially in a new relationship, you need to find out what sort of scene negotiation he or she uses and what sort of scene-stoppers you have when you play. As you learn one another better, that becomes less of a concern, but early on it can be dangerous not to know these things before they are needed.

You might also want to find out what sort of interests outside the lifestyle you have. No one can scene all the time.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:14:38 PM   
kristileigh


Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		How long has He been in the lifestyle.
What He expects from you.
Goal...........play partner?collaring?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:22:17 PM   
PurpleSockx


Posts: 63
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline 		One of the first questions I've asked my Master was: What are your limits? I know this may sound weird from a slave to a Master but I really think dominants have theirs too. In other words, activities that they would never ever ask a slave to do under any circumstances.

Another thing that has already mentioned is about past experiences. Ask about both the good and the negative ones.

Also what characteristics they like to find in a slave. What kind of traits in a slave they do not like. This, of course, is very helpful too :)

(in reply to kristileigh)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:28:34 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		What is his goal for a relationship? Is he monogamous or poly? What happens if I get pregnant? Practice safe sex? How many submissives has he had, what was the longest relationship and is he still friends with any of them?

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PurpleSockx)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 5:33:43 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I don't ask anything on the subject, a person's qualities or lack of unravel from regular conversation usually within a short time.

I prefer to see how they react and behaving as a 'day to day' person, any (if any) dominance is there, it will shine through.  If not, a simple goodbye and nexxxxxxxt.

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It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 7:11:52 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Ask him whether he's a frog.  That way you can tell whether he's a Cretan.

dayum...there goes my 'coffee spray' for the day

Now if I could just stop giggling 

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 8:00:36 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Here is a copy(slightly modified for you) of standard questions we ask of potential subs after we are to the coming to visit point. Hope it helps.

You are single at this time, correct?

Do you have children? Do they live with you?

Are you in any type of debt?

What is your current living situation?

Are you currently employed?

Do you have any medical conditions? Allergies? Medications you must take? Psychiatric problems?
 
Are you willing to have an std screening prior to expecting any physical interaction?

Do you smoke? Drink? Do any type of drugs?

Have you ever had any type of D/s or M/s relationship before? 

Have you ever had a full/part time submissive before?

What is your play level? How much regular play do you expect or require?

Do your relatives/friends/neighbors know about your life style?
 
What types of vanilla activities do you enjoy?
 
What are your hard limits?


< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 11/9/2008 8:02:22 PM >

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(in reply to bdksbabe)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 8:55:04 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I try and get a feel for what sort of relationship he is looking for - strictly play or collaring down the road.  Is he interested in a long-term relationship.  How many subs/slaves has he owned?  How did the relationships end and what would he have changed about them.  How does he feel about things like safe words, aftercare, showing affection within the relationship.  What are his personal limits.  What are his favorite BDSM activities.  Is he a sadist and can he handle my being a pain slut.  Is he interested in poly. 

I like to listen - this gives me a feel for whether we are compatible.  Also sprinkled in are the general questions - hobbies, interests, favorite music and books. 

I tend to share my feelings about a lot of this stuff also so we're having a two-way conversation, but I don't give too much away.  I've found men gearing their answers to what they think I want to hear, not what they really feel, so I'm cautious that way.

< Message edited by mc1234 -- 11/9/2008 9:00:40 PM >

(in reply to bdksbabe)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 10:36:15 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		In Werner Herzog's famous film, the feral genius Kaspar Hauser solves the Cretan Liar Paradox by saying he would ask the man whether he is a tree-frog.  But I think that episode is apocryphal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Ask him whether he's a frog.  That way you can tell whether he's a Cretan.

dayum...there goes my 'coffee spray' for the day

Now if I could just stop giggling 

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: pertinent questions - 11/9/2008 10:48:00 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Beyond looking at what sort of relationship or dynamic he's searching for, I try to get a feel for his methods, his values, and where he stands morally and ethically on issues of interest to my life. I especially like to see how they deal with the general public in both good, and bad situations. Keeping in mind their verbal answer, may not always be the fullt ruth of the matter.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: pertinent questions - 11/10/2008 3:48:04 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		   I do not normally ask too many questions---and nearly everyone's questions are valid but I find that in just letting him talk, all of my questions are answered.  


(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: pertinent questions - 11/10/2008 4:34:49 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I ask, i he had three wished what would he wish for, if he could be anywhere in the world where would he be, if he could go back in time and change one thing what would he change, what is the best thingabout him, what is the worst thing about him, what is his fave colour. to be honest we arent all what we think we are, you get a better feel for a person by talking to them than asking lots of questions, attitudes change.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 11/10/2008 4:35:09 AM >

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(in reply to fragilepieces)
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RE: pertinent questions - 11/10/2008 6:13:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It depends what you're looking for. If you just want someone for rough play, then ask how many workshops he's taken, where he learned suspension or shibari or needle play or electrical play.

If you're looking for a relationship then ask about his past ones. If he's never sustained a relationship past the six months anniversary and he's 53 years old, he isn't going to start now. If he has lots of exes and trashes them all without ever taking responsibility for his own actions, then be aware that he won't take responsibility for his part in not having your relationship work, and he will trash you in turn.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: pertinent questions - 11/10/2008 6:32:14 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		What made him think i was a suitable subject.

Why did he contact me in the first place.

How does he view our differences, over and above our similarities.

What would be his next step.


(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: pertinent questions - 11/10/2008 9:33:38 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would ask if he hads any other subs or wants any.  I am not poly if he was it would not work.  I would ask him what kind of play he likes, i am not a big fan of intense pain.  I would ask where does he see us 6 months down the road.  I would also ask vanilla questions to get to know him better.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to pinkwind)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: pertinent questions - 11/10/2008 1:15:30 PM   
bdksbabe


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for sharing your thoughts...they have been a delight to read!

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 20
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