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RE: dont come - 11/10/2008 12:53:42 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Your brother no longer has his business?

Yes- this is his own business. He his widdled his clientele down to one family- I guess they have hundreds of millions of $.

In itself it is not wise for a business to have one source on income. That give THAT source too much power. He also thinks that he will inherit this guys fortune when he dies.

That does not happen.

So under his method-- thanksgiven which is our families big holiday, well nothing to look forward to.

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Post #: 21

RE: dont come - 11/10/2008 12:57:50 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

And PaHunk...as hard as it is not to vent to you mom, please understand that when you do so you are unknowingly putting her in a position where she has to take sides between her sons.
Vent here when you need to, but say nothing to your mom.

Big HUGS and I much prefer to vent here. Thanks!

Mom tho- knows me inside out. She can pick up the slightest nuance. Thats how she is.

It would be worse to fake like I had no interest. She isnt the highest IQ- but she sure can know her 4 kids. :-)

One thing intersting, we actually talk more now that she lives out of state.

My brother does love me- there is nothing to prove... just it is abit old to always be put off. Maybe I will hire an actor to be my brother for that day.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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RE: dont come - 11/10/2008 2:53:33 PM

cjan

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Rent "Home for the Holidays", watch it and cheer up. It's my favorite holiday movie, never fails.

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Post #: 23

RE: dont come - 11/10/2008 3:12:44 PM

sub4hire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

So under his method-- thanksgiven which is our families big holiday, well nothing to look forward to.

Invite others in and make some new traditions. We had to do that when we moved here. It still doesn't feel like the holidays unless I have a dozen or so people running around the house. Half being kids.
Yet, we went out and adopted families for the holidays. We opened up our home to those who had nowhere else to go.

You make the best of what you've got. Bring someone new in..get to know them. In the end you may not miss your brother at all.

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RE: dont come - 11/10/2008 10:48:16 PM

MarksFantasyGirl

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Hunny, My brother is 21... And I am 22... He is ALWAYS too busy doing something on ANY given day of the week... His car, and the cars of all of his friends seem to come first in his life... And it bothers me a lot... When we have parties, or family dinners or whatever, I always feel like it's somhow MY fault that he never shows up... mostly I think b/c I am older... and I am also a mom, and we mom's tend to "adopt" more children than we need to... I'm sure any other mother here could tell you the same thing... But, When I get myself all worked up, and worried that he only spent an hour of the whole day with us, I see the look on my mom's face when he shows up, and after he leaves, she always says "It was so nice of Peachy to stop by"... and Then I realize that really, it's not about Quantity... it's about Quality... and your brother might be too busy to show up, but I'm sure there is a good reason... My brother has always been kind of off to himself.. My dad never really paid too much attention to him, and he was always like the blacksheep of our family... So he likes to keep his distance... He doesn't want to have to hear about all of the bad things he has done in the past or about how he should be acting, and looking towards his future... He's a big boy... he can make his own desisions... And now, having a family of my own, it is really tough to keep EVERYONE in the family happy... I have my mom's side of the family, my dad's side, My UMs dad's side, my Fiancee's side, and then the whole thing of trying to start my own life and get my own traditions started... it is tough... I love the holiday season, but never look forward to the holidays... Someone always gets mad because I can't or don't show up for very long for THIER traditions... Really, I think that you just need to calm down, take a deep breath, and remember what the holidays are for... Thanksgiving is a time to be Thankful for what you have..... Be thankful that you have a brother that you love so much, and that loves you, and that is trying to make a better life for himself... I mean, if he was doing nothing to better his life, or to make a name for himself, would you still be complaining about him, because he is not living up to his potential?? Just cut him a little slack... don't ever Uninvite him, but Maybe don't stress it too much that he show up... I'm sure it hurts him to know that he can't be spending time with his loved ones too....

This is all my opinion just based on what I have read in this thread.. I know nothing about either one of you, but that is what I gather... Sorry if I took anything out of context... and just try to smile... :)

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RE: dont come - 11/11/2008 5:02:07 AM

pahunkboy

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this is like saying, in so far as family goes; that even tho we claim family is important; that there was nothing to look forward to in July and there is nothing to look forward to in November.

Im putting an ad up. for an actor. ill have to actor applicants contact him over the pay rate.

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Post #: 26

RE: dont come - 11/11/2008 5:59:02 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
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Improve theater opportunity;

Due to being busy, the family cant get together. Therefor actor is needed to play a 40 year old brother. Said character lives in Chicago but will be visiting family in Pennsylvania.

Selected interviewee will get a test run over Thanksgiving weekend. The wining applicant will thus be needed for family functions. Salary commensurate with experience, mileage re-reimbursement, numerous benefits, 401k.

Successful applicant will be skilled at keeping promises.

This is a highly paid position. No agencies please, Send resume, and photo composites to inquire with in.

--
Have a pleasant day! You have got a friend in Pennsylvania. Smile- it helps.

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Post #: 27

RE: dont come - 11/11/2008 8:04:05 AM

MarksFantasyGirl

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hmmmm..... Could I get the part you think?? I'm a Very good actress!!! lol

But just keep looking up to the brighter side of things.... And "Remember what the Monty Python boys say...... 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquizition!!'"

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

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Post #: 28

RE: dont come - 11/11/2008 8:35:36 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

The people that didn't show, didn't show because of THEIR ISSUES. I am not going to make their issues, my issues.

Bingo!!

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Post #: 29

RE: dont come - 11/15/2008 3:25:13 PM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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now the entire family is not coming.

my BIL has to work. Him working does not bother me. They have bills and him working OT is less a burden on my sister.

So I offerred to get mom a bus ticket, which she says she is not in condition to travel. more over, I yet again hear how everyone is moving to FL. I verbalized to mom that I am not driving any more then 12 hours to see family. Her reply is maybe your brother will fly you in. I dont want to be flown in-either. said brother is leaving a couple of days for a last minute trip to Mexico to a resort.

(PA is not an option. It seems. he has to work, remember?)

so- 3 houses will go up for sale, and not at a big loss then new mortgages will be gotten , for 3 houses. all at a time when mom feels too sickly to hop on a bus. (I dont blame her for that..) recall that she went with out a kitchen sink for 6 months. So relying on sibling to get her moved isnt likely to happen. She says if she mives to florida then she could buy a house, as they are "cheaper". of course she wants to live near the beach, but not in the flood zone. My brother plans to buy a whole bucng of houses in florida cause the prices are cheap.

I warned him not to buy houses that he wants to flip.

Mom has not gotten the internet hooked up - in the space of 1 week. my BIL says cable... I told her to make a list of what all the costs will be. To which she replied- her eye glasses are bad that she cant see.

Im so glad I am not reliant on family. argh!

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Post #: 30

RE: dont come - 11/15/2008 3:30:30 PM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Last night- mom said my brother wont come for Thanksgiven. He has to work. AGAIN.

I supposedly was putting together a bedroom for him to stay in.

this is the umteenth time that he has cancelled.

he works 7 days a week, and I dont want any more promises. he was going to visit in july, and that also was definate.

I am tempted to disinvite him.   he is being used by the guy he does work for. but who cares... I do care about FALSE PROMISES tho.

even if he then changes his mind- he will be crabby.   it is like he is dead. his only purpose in life is to earn as much money as possible, even if others are put out.

when will he realize that the grim reaper waits for NO ONE?

Gram will not live forever....    now will the rest of the family.

Im mad.   Promises me nothing.

Sucks to have issues with the siblings, Pahukboy. My own brother has his head so far up his ass it's unbelieveable, and twice now he's married an evil bitch.

I don't really know if we can continue to be close. Sometimes it's easier to let go of someone who causes you grief or harm. It's a tough call; I think we all feel that yearning for the people in our own families who once loved us.

I wish you well, and hope you have a lovely holiday.

candystripper

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RE: dont come - 11/15/2008 7:15:11 PM

sblady

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Before I go slightly off topic, I'm sorry your family is unable to visit pahunkboy. You may have to start a new tradition with friends.

I read comments on this thread and I must admit I'm now feeling like a selfish ______ (fill in the blank). I'm usually MIA during the winter holidays. For some unknown reason I hate this time of the year. Always have, even as a child (yes, I've seen a therapist). I've occasionally gone to a gathering, but I'm so miserable trying to "fake it" that I'm pissed off at myself and the hours that I can't get back. Also, I don't want to be in an obvious funk around people who "know" me and ruin their day.

Perhaps some of the things I said above are issues that some of your family members are dealing with. It sucks to be selfish and not attend an event, but to me it's even worse to attend and make everyone else miserable.

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RE: dont come - 11/16/2008 4:31:54 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Last night- mom said my brother wont come for Thanksgiven. He has to work. AGAIN.

I supposedly was putting together a bedroom for him to stay in.

this is the umteenth time that he has cancelled.

he works 7 days a week, and I dont want any more promises. he was going to visit in july, and that also was definate.

I am tempted to disinvite him.   he is being used by the guy he does work for. but who cares... I do care about FALSE PROMISES tho.

even if he then changes his mind- he will be crabby.   it is like he is dead. his only purpose in life is to earn as much money as possible, even if others are put out.

when will he realize that the grim reaper waits for NO ONE?

Gram will not live forever....    now will the rest of the family.

Im mad.   Promises me nothing.

Sucks to have issues with the siblings, Pahukboy. My own brother has his head so far up his ass it's unbelieveable, and twice now he's married an evil bitch.

I don't really know if we can continue to be close. Sometimes it's easier to let go of someone who causes you grief or harm. It's a tough call; I think we all feel that yearning for the people in our own families who once loved us.

I wish you well, and hope you have a lovely holiday.

candystripper

Last year Bill from freecycle had me over. I dont want to ...well crash his family... the 1st year, mom had just moved, but now it is 1 1/2 years, and I should be setttled and the shock of it passing... in some ways I am.

We have not told my grandmother yet. That isnt fair to her. I should call her after 8:30 am.

Last year, I invited Jenny, and cooked up a nice dinner, but she hadnt promised and she did not want to come.
So I sorta dont want semi-rejection again.

Ya know- moms "cant" mode- I sure have to erase that programing in me. I thought the big city would get her more active. She was vegatating in front of the TV, so bloated she did not walk across the yard.

Some of this is a challenge to my manhood- or posistion in the family.
Even tho my grandfather did not speak to me for 20 years, it was he and I. He would tell mom, "what does Roger think". ...I would tell mom "what does grampa think".
So we were able to reduce some of her damage to her finances. He passed in 2002.

My siblings live in a world were money is kinda no object.

So- they think she can afford x amount of payment. Well she can not. She goes for coffee and to the store for like 1 item... there is no point in ruining her day.

So she went from a house fully paid off the CDs in a nice amount, to selling some- to a home equity loan on her PA house and no savings. ....................to now a condo with a payment that likely isnt worth what the condo is worth.

I am concerned she will be left holding the bag over the finance thing.

< Message edited by pahunkboy -- 11/16/2008 4:33:40 AM >

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RE: dont come - 11/16/2008 4:45:13 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sblady

Before I go slightly off topic, I'm sorry your family is unable to visit pahunkboy. You may have to start a new tradition with friends.

I read comments on this thread and I must admit I'm now feeling like a selfish ______ (fill in the blank). I'm usually MIA during the winter holidays. For some unknown reason I hate this time of the year. Always have, even as a child (yes, I've seen a therapist). I've occasionally gone to a gathering, but I'm so miserable trying to "fake it" that I'm pissed off at myself and the hours that I can't get back. Also, I don't want to be in an obvious funk around people who "know" me and ruin their day.

Perhaps some of the things I said above are issues that some of your family members are dealing with. It sucks to be selfish and not attend an event, but to me it's even worse to attend and make everyone else miserable.

I hear you. The extended family is that way. I could have the exact same couch as they, but somehow theirs would be the best couch in America, and mine would be suitable for the dump.

I have numerous cousins and we all are ubber competitive.

I know exactly what you mean by "know you". I almost did not go to my sisters wedding over it. back then my injuries were bad... a freind told me to turn the questions around, "lets talk about YOUUUUUUUUU"

They can think what they want. I made the choices of my life for better or worse and I dont view my life as too bad.

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Post #: 34