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How do you manage? - 12/19/2005 8:39:45 AM

DevilGirloflove

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RE: How do you manage? - 12/19/2005 8:58:42 AM

MHOO314

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An excellent question--Mine is simply what I am, a rope carefully braided with many strands, one alone does not represent the whole--for Me it simply is--I don't see having a relationship with a sub as being "bad to them or degrading" them---they have a need as do I--I cherish My sub for the need that they have, respect them for allowing Me my need---it is an interesting dance of the dynamic---but there are many who are domineering not dominant, that is where I see the danger you speak of--dominant is very different--and I have no use for domineering--

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RE: How do you manage? - 12/19/2005 10:04:33 AM

veronicaofML

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From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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How do you all just let yourselves go? To be in control or submissive, how do you emotionally deal with it? I personally can't let someone degrade me, or be bad to me, I always fight back, sometimes more often then I should. How do you control your dominate side?
=================
i do not-------------let go.
deal with it emotionally? with my ocd and ptsd i am lucky just to deal with getting out of bed.
neither of my Mistress' have degraded me ever.
they have both been helpful trying hrad to make me feel better about myself.
control my dominate side? i am a control freak when it comes to inner control...i am too anal not to be.
i am 99% vanilla.
i am NOT your poster boy for subs.
but!
i try like hell to do what i can for my Ms.

take care

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RE: How do you manage? - 12/19/2005 11:38:57 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DevilGirloflove

How do you all just let yourselves go? To be in control or submissive, how do you emotionally deal with it? I personally can't let someone degrade me, or be bad to me, I always fight back, sometimes more often then I should. How do you control your dominate side?

Not really sure I'm understanding the question so I'm going to ask one back.

If you are being treated in a way that makes you "fight back" are you really in the right type of relationship or with the right person?

Perhaps this is me being romantic but I think the correct roles and orientations for us will be comfortable overall. There's no fight because it fits. That doesn't mean it isn't difficult or challenging from time to time but overall the fit should be well.

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RE: How do you manage? - 12/19/2005 11:58:33 AM

willing2serve

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quote:

I don't see having a relationship with a sub as being "bad to them or degrading" them---they have a need as do I--I cherish My sub for the need that they have, respect them for allowing Me my need---it is an interesting dance of the dynamic---but there are many who are domineering not dominant, that is where I see the danger you speak of--dominant is very different--and I have no use for domineering--

Hats off to you MHOO314. Beautifully said. It is both sides of the slash that needs are being met and when the needs are compatible it is a wonderful thing to complete each other...."the dance of the dynamic". I love that description.

Respectfully,
BTs willing

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RE: How do you manage? - 12/21/2005 6:42:37 AM

mons

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oops i am here again how and what do with a brat of a sub but he is new never had this happen before so bratty i am a very control domme throw him away but he has so many other things that are so sweet funny and kind but his behavior is a mess help

m << to ashame to put my whole name

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RE: How do you manage? - 12/22/2005 6:18:00 AM

veronicaofML

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From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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mons-------

try --------c o m m u n i c a t i o n!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it usually works with MOST people..........there are certain things to look for.
either someone is real and tries hard
or they are fakes and are out for their own kicks.

pretty easy to see what is what.

take care

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RE: How do you manage? - 1/11/2006 9:59:22 AM

jamesthehumanrug

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dear devil girl
you dont
there are 2 kinds of slaves in fine art ;the rebellious and the submissive;
and if you are a ridgid top ;what are you doing; learing...?

just to be myself; i have to be not so logical anymore ;to let ,another take instant control ;or else its usually instant anyway ;if shes ok ;and im not emotionally upset over some last brake up ,over being sold or something....
so sometimes; i just have a drink or two ;and look loaded; like i dont care to impress(not on duty,not aware;not on guard; )actually
i guess; i don't know
how one surrenders complete control;
its still a learing process;like surrendering to god(or a god) ;you, just have, to believe....

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 1/11/2006 10:02:06 AM >

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RE: How do you manage? - 1/11/2006 2:03:14 PM

seaturtle50

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quote:

how do you emotionally deal with it?

For me it is (seems) much harder to deal emotionally with Her absence. i am currently Domme-less and it serves to hone me, in my mind and emotionally. To be able to question my submissiveness to "Her." To gauge my willingness, as i wait. Seems i am willing to go to great lengths for Her, possibly any lengths? When that time does present itself to me.

A similar question was recently asked, which was (paraphrased) "How do you let someone boss you around" and my response was and is: while i would never propose to deny her the right to Boss me around, that is really not what i "need," which is far more like being "compelled" around. i sorely need to be compelled by "Her." Her Beauty, Grace, and Strength (inner and outer,) doing most of the compelling at all times. Once those feeling are there (within me) for Her, i will feel compelled at all times. Even if we were 100% vanilla, and never even discussed D/s or BDSM, i would be surrendering continually to Her, in my heart and mind!

i have even been surrendering to Her, in my fantasy life, surrendering to my fantasy "Her," while with other women in my RL. (Please accept my apology if that concept is offensive to any Female reading. i am not proud of this). i have not had a "choice" in the true sense of the word, in terms of my "desire" for "Her."

I have noticed that there are as many different flavors of D/s and BDSM within D/s, as there are practitioners and would be's. i seem to admire nearly all of the variations.

While i think that in a RL relationship with my Domme, i would prefer a loving Woman who naturally seems to nurture our "needs" within our relationship. i must also admit that i find the Domme who claims i am of no concern and that her needs and desires are all that matter, rather attractive too. To think of her using me to vent frustrations that were not a fault of my own, onto me, well there is something about that i like as well ....

So, i remain, waiting. Learning more about the lifestyle and about myself. All i am certain of, is that when i do in fact meet my Domme, i will know. Then all that will matter to me is to be as loving, and supportive, and appreciative, and valuable to her as i can personally muster. i do sense that i will be much more of "everything" when in her presence, protection, and care.

In my daily life i am considered by most who meet me to be a very dominant man. Gently dominant. What i mean is more of a "natural leader." i have carried myself as such in my business life, and amongst my friends. i mention this only to make it clear that i am not some type of "milk-toast" man who has no spine. Quite the contrary. However, the "need" that i feel emotionally to submit myself to "Her" kind, loving, strict, and whatever else she deems appropriate self, will not be quieted, nor quelled. i am therefore simply being true to myself in this regard.

seaturtle50

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RE: How do you manage? - 1/11/2006 7:38:17 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DevilGirloflove

How do you all just let yourselves go? To be in control or submissive, how do you emotionally deal with it? I personally can't let someone degrade me, or be bad to me, I always fight back, sometimes more often then I should. How do you control your dominate side?

Why do you think being dominant equals degrading someone or being bad to someone?

The dominants I have known in my life thus far have been people who are never bad to their partners and do not degrade them. They play with nasty language or nasty scenes but they aren't bad people.

As for controlling it -- I don't see being bad or degrading as part of being dominant so there's nothing to control.

If you have found yourself with people who do bad things to you and degrade you then you should look at your criteria for picking who you will submit to because you are clearly not find the appropriate ones for you.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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