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Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 2:52:47 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I stole this idea from the physical touch thread. Don't get Me wrong. Physical touch is important. I know it is.

So how does one balance that need for the sake of love, devotion, and family. I mean, let's face it. I've been here on My own for some time now. My crave for touch doesn't forgo the sake of love. My heart is greater than what My needs might be. For love, I can forgo a lot of things.

How do you feel about this? Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 2:55:34 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Master sends his regards.
Just because someone cannot physically touch you, does not mean they do not wish to. The intent is far more important than the action, sensation or physical feeling.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:01:11 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My best wishes to Darcy. Thank you for the note.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 3

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:05:49 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

LadyPact,

When I go to bdsm parties, I am fortunate enough that there are some wonderful women who spoil me with massage and touch. They all know my situation and spoil me. Same reason I am exploring being poly for the first time in my life. Getting needs met in alternative ways can work, especially if you keep LA's mantra of "collect stable partners, not a stable of partners".

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:09:14 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Michael, I understand this. My thought here is more about a person's emotional needs, rather than their physical wants.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 5

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:15:29 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Michael, I understand this. My thought here is more about a person's emotional needs, rather than their physical wants.

It is an interesting question. I had to think through my answer on the other thread. In there, I answered that I could do without the physical in order to have Carol in whatever way she was available to be had. But Michael correctly pointed out that this was only possible because we already have such a deep emotional bond and she is able to fulfill me so thoroughly on that plane that I could live without physical. If I was starting a relationship from scratch, I'd need hugs and cuddling and kisses for it to get off the ground.

So yes, for love I could forgo almost anything. But it'd be hard to get to "love" without the physical touch first.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:29:29 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
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I've been in a relationship that lost the physical over time even though the love (supposedly) was there. I found I withered inside without the physical touch ... without the touches on the shoulder, the little kisses, the holding hands, the cuddling before sleep and yes, without the sex.

I suppose if the physical was taken away due to a drastic reason - a necessary separation due to work or, God forbid, an injury ... it would be easier to cope because I could understand that, but in my situation the partner withdrew and withheld even while swearing everything was fine, that he loved me, that he wanted us to be together. It didn't feel fine, in fact, it made me feel dead inside and truly killed off an important part of me that has yet to come back.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 7

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:38:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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If we're talking bdsm play then giving up the physical is easy for me. While I might crave it at times, if I don't have love, affection and the emotional/mental ties then the physical is completely worthless for me and won't do a thing for me.

So I personally can't do casual play, I don't do it and only involve myself with those who can offer me the entire ball of wax.

If we're talking kissing, hugging and other physical signs of affection then no I can't do without those. I need those. They are part and parcel of the love, affection and such that I need in a relationship. Without those then it just leaves me confused as to how that person feels towards me.

I need it all.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/10/2008 3:40:58 PM >

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 8

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:38:28 PM

Barelily

Posts: 96
Joined: 10/8/2008
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quote:

How do you feel about this? Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional?

Thats a tough for me. I had 10 years of my physicals needs not being fully met and since he wasn't a Dom a huge emotional aspect was missing as well. Before that I had the D/s thing in place for a number of years, so in comparison....

I'd have to say no, I couldn't give up all the physical for just emotional. Unless it was a case of having had the physical and emotional aspect in place and an accident or something happens that puts an end to the physical. No way I'd leave someone over that. I'd find a way to make it work.

_____________________________

"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that that take your breath away."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:41:25 PM

LydiaSciKitten

Posts: 43
Joined: 10/16/2008
From: Luxembourg, now in UK
Status: offline

Good post mc1234.

I am afraid I might spoil it for the very platonically emotional amongst us, but my relationships do not work unless my needs for sexual saturation and pain are met. I have a very powerful libido, and so does my Master. Our relationship started off as based on the sexual element, and only then it moved into involving a mental and intellectual element, and much later, finally, did it slowly become emotional. And even though my feelings now are very strong, and I can appreciate that a relationship where I feel love is much more intense than anything I had experienced before and could not stay in this relationship unless the humble emotional needs are also met, the physical element is still vastly important for us.
Love without sexual fulfillment is a very idealistic concept that I have a hard time believing in.
Having found my balance between lust and affection, I am happy to say I am an equal junkie for both.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 10

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:45:02 PM

thishereboi

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Joined: 6/19/2008
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I am not sure why I would have to....can't you have both?

_____________________________

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:49:41 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Leadership, I hear you loud and clear. My current situation is one in where I have no physical touch, rather than the occasional casual play. Aye, I could have it, if I wished to give up everything else. This is not My decision. Instead, I would rather wait, put those physical needs on hold, rather than betray My heart.

I suppose what I am saying here is, could it possibly be that there are others who, while physical touch is important, can they forgo it should the importance of emotional need exisit? Do we, as Dominants, balance a priority of our needs? Can we also listen when something inside of us that is less than selfish?

I can't answer these. Not even for Myself.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Barelily)

Post #: 12

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:51:31 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i have learned that it is amazing what one can give up or tolerate when they are getting their emotional needs met; as far as i'm concerned, there are practically no limits. Your priorities change when you're in love, what was all-important once became absolutely disposable since Ma'am.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 13

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 3:53:16 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

LadyPact .. is your situation one where you have a timeline for your waiting? He will be returning at a certain date? If that were the case, yes, I could forego the physical, though it would be difficult.

If it were in my day-to-day relationship where touching just wasn't done anymore, then that is where it becomes a huge issue.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 4:12:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

LadyPact .. is your situation one where you have a timeline for your waiting? He will be returning at a certain date? If that were the case, yes, I could forego the physical, though it would be difficult.

If it were in my day-to-day relationship where touching just wasn't done anymore, then that is where it becomes a huge issue.

MC, in fact, it is. I wait every day for him to come home. I miss the three of us as a family. I miss My husband at My side and My boy at My feet. This is My own weakness. I see that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 15

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 4:24:11 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

Give up the physical for the emotional??

Shouldn't they go together? It's rare to find a healthy and functional realationship that doesn't incorprate all those aspects.
Love is an incredible emotion but if you don't feed it with physical touch I can see problems cropping up. If something were to happen and we were no longer able to incorprate S/m ito our relationship it wouldn't be the end, it would be stressful since we are sado/masochists and it is a part of the realationship but it's not the biggest part of it. The biggest part is what I feel in my heart when I look at them.
It really is a balancing act, most things are. Family,life,careers,relationships,play, bills. It's just what order the priority of these things are in that create the dynamic. For us, there is always time for a cuddle or a kiss, a quick hug, a pinch *w*or a bite :) . Those little touches keep me feeling connected to my family.

Wolf's denika

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Post #: 16

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 4:27:53 PM

MarcEsadrian

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Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
My heart is greater than what My needs might be. For love, I can forgo a lot of things.

How do you feel about this? Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional?

Our physiology—our sense of self—is rooted in the mind-body experience, I'm sure you would agree. The emotional leads to the physical, and vice versa.

As for love, I believe so much of it is hypocrisy.

Love is a very precarious word; it is a teaching that has been spread around so much that it means nothing. But when you do feel love, you will do anything for it. I believe you when you say that for love you can forgo many things. This shows an understanding of love.

It is rare that I feel love for another person, but when I do, touch doesn't matter anymore. Pain is irrelevant. Pleasure is irrelevant. Love becomes greater than any measure of my parts.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 4:29:24 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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As I said on the other thread, I can give up everything, long-term, but some form of verbal expression... and I can even subsume that for long periods of time (though I've never gone more than 30 days in absolute silence). Honestly, I'm not even unhappy -- I fill the time with other things, and keep my hands and mind busy -- and every opportunity where I had to let things go that I thought I "needed" has made me more aware of myself as a person, and happier and more comfortable with me as me.

I suspect that people who are more extroverted than I am would have a greater challenge in being isolated and out of contact with people, but I think that, for me, "need" defines something that I absolutely cannot live or function without, and I've learned, over the years, that there is almost nothing aside from water and food, air, and sufficient clothing to shelter me from the elements that fits into that 'need' category... however, I do have some pretty compelling 'wants' (among which I include my desire for a selective, hand-picked family).

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 4:31:30 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You couldn't give it up forever. But many people are separated because of the military, because of work, because of school.
It is hard to keep the emotional connection when the physical isn't there. We need touch.

However, just because we can't get our physical touching from a far away loved one doesn't mean we have to go without it entirely. Professional massages are a great way to get your skin needs met. As are hugs from other loved ones.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 19

RE: Are there things more important? - 11/10/2008 4:34:43 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Nope. I need both to be happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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