Not interested

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physcsdrk -> Not interested (12/19/2005 11:44:21 AM)
First off I want to say I am sorry if this is a topic that has been posted on before, I did look and didn't find it, but it seems like there probably is a thread on it. I frequently receive emails from people that I am not interested in. I respond to every email that I receive mostly because I feel that it is the polite thing to do. What I want to know is, if you are ruling someone out based on their picture, it seems a bit rude to say so. What I usually write is something along the lines of Not interested, but good luck. (note: I write this if I am not interested for other reasons as well, so please don't assume anything if you received this response from me.) When I write this, I sometimes get an email back asking why, at which point I tell them the truth. Is this the polite thing to do? Or should I just not reply to people who write me when I am not interested. Maybe it is bettter not to hear at all? Physcsdrk P.S. I also often receive emails from people that are obviously copied and pasted into the screen. Emails that the person obviously sends out to everyone that they email. I know because when I put up a picture after about a month and a half of being on the site, I received many of the exact same (spelling errors and all) messages.

afmvdp -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 11:50:32 AM)
perhaps it's just my own mindset, but I think it's always far better to be bluntly honest then to sidestep things and be absent or evasive about it. Being civil and respectable is fine, but you should still be direct and without waiver.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 11:52:07 AM)
Feel free to ignore any email that you like- think of them as fliers in your snail mail. Never expect to ever get an email that is interesting or appropriate for you. Be happily surprised when you do get an email that is interesting or appropriate for you.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 12:17:22 PM)
quote: When I write this, I sometimes get an email back asking why, at which point I tell them the truth. Is this the polite thing to do? Or should I just not reply to people who write me when I am not interested. Maybe it is bettter not to hear at all? Well, the way I look at it....you can be brutally honest, or you can be politely honest. Generally if asked "why" when I say no thank you, I try to head for politely honest. If after that they still are pushy, I either ignore or go for brutally honest. Sometimes those that ask "why" are truly just looking for constructive criticism to help them figure out what they might be doing wrong. Others are just battering at the door repeatedly hoping to get in. It takes a little time and experience to see which they are.

slavejali -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 12:21:19 PM)
There is nothing at all wrong with using some tact when replying to emails.

sub4hire -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 12:31:35 PM)
quote: When I write this, I sometimes get an email back asking why, at which point I tell them the truth. Is this the polite thing to do? Or should I just not reply to people who write me when I am not interested. Maybe it is bettter not to hear at all? I concur with what other's have said. I too would rather you be honest. Perhaps I have some major flaw I've never known about and it takes someone like you to point it out? Could totally change my life. Where on the other hand I would never know. So, be honest. If people can't handle it perhaps they should'nt be writing you in the first place.

Chaingang -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 12:43:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: physcsdrk First off I want to say I am sorry if this is a topic that has been posted on before, I did look and didn't find it, but it seems like there probably is a thread on it. This is slightly off-topic for the main thrust of your post, but I still wanted to address it. I feel quite sure that these forums were intended for discussions - so if you have something to discuss, do it. Do not be intimidated by those with an obsessive compulsion to reply to threads with a long list of the many, many times your topic has come up before. Personally, if I wanted to know how the topic was addressed three months or even a year ago, maybe I'd search for it myself. To be honest, I almost NEVER search for old topics - and when people provide those long lists of previous discussions I very rarely read them - I actually have a tendency to skip the posts containing such lists. You can rest assured that EVERYTHING has already been discussed by someone before. I would just like to say that nothing prevents you from engaging the topic once again and that it's even possible you might come at it with an interesting new twist that the rest of us will find illuminating.

Hohoho -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 1:03:22 PM)
Frankly, I don't need to know whats wrong with me from a total stranger and I would never ask. I have taken the rude ride, simply not answering, if I am not so inclined. I don't feel bad if I am ignored... Now its easier to say the obvious...like "you're married....not interested", "You seek something I am not" those are easy and very real reasons not to continue correspondence. I have found several people I just adore keeping in touch with. With may not be each other's match...but we are each other's friend.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 1:16:37 PM)
I agree completely with afmvdp. The old adage applies in this case: "Honesty is the best policy." Be tactful and kind when possible, but be honest. If they don't take the hint, then you can tell them to bugger off. With as many threads as there have been on these boards with the OPs bitching and moaning about not receiving responses to their mail, it would stand to reason that they'd appreciate an honest response. (Of course reason is rarely resorted to...)

OscarHargraves -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 1:16:45 PM)
I think I should just say 'Thank you' from all of the guys out there that are used to not getting ANY response. I respond to every e-mail also but I know that's a lot harder for a woman since she gets so many e-mails from people. You are doing the right thing in my opinion and I thank you for having the courtesy to reply (even though I am not one of the people who wrote you.) I think there would be a lot fewer guys doing the 'cut & paste' mailing if they actually expected to get a response of some kind from more than 1 woman in every 200 or so.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 7:26:59 PM)
quote: Frankly, I don't need to know whats wrong with me from a total stranger and I would never ask. Trollers aside - I'll just point out that normally when I turn someone down, it's not necessarily what's "wrong with" that person, but rather, that person not being what I feel I need.

greenie -> RE: Not interested (12/19/2005 8:40:01 PM)
What i like are the ones from guys that say "I think we'd be a good match" and then when i look at their profile it's completely blank, not just no picture but nothing about them whatsoever. The last one of those i got i messaged back saying that i have no interest in someone who has a blank profile because it looks as though he is either too lazy to write something out or is hiding something and can't be honest, but good luck in your search. Needless to say i got a pissy email back that i just laughed at and deleted. Just because i'm a sub doesn't mean i can't be a bitch sometimes lol.

pandoravampire -> RE: Not interested (12/20/2005 4:35:37 AM)
honest tactful rejection, followed by the block button for the stubbornly stupid. and yeah, those ones that say 'were perfectly matched' WTF?

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