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Desire. - 11/11/2008 9:06:22 PM

caelestis

Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline

For about two months now I have been conversing with someone I met here, and from the very start, we've agreed on nearly every single subject we've brought up for discusion. We not only have the ability to click well on a D/s level, but on a near friend level as well, where we can laugh at the other and poke fun here and there. He has been kind and patient enough to help me work through some issues a previous relationship left me with, and even through a huge mistake on my part, He still retained that air of firm, yet gentle supporter in guiding me back to the proper path.

The simple act of talking about anything physical between us has me shaking so badly I nearly can't type. I get lost in His words and the caring support He provides and I know, without any doubt, that lacking any sort of sexual interaction, I would still be perfectly happy and content in being His, which I have never felt before. There is a burning desire inside of me to do whatever is in my power to please Him, make Him proud of me, make Him happy. This was only reaffirmed recently when I had a bit of a falter and was punished. There was no generic, by the book punishment, He took time to really think about it and what would best put me back where I should be. What would work best for the submissive that I am.

I have a few questions in regard to all this, for both Masters, Doms, Switches, slaves and subs alike.

How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?

If there was a distance between you, how long before you decided to meet? Did one come to the other, or was it a part-way meeting?

Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?

Post #: 1

RE: Desire. - 11/11/2008 9:15:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis
How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?

I don't, but I'm poly.

It doesn't matter that they are "the one." It matters that "we are right for eachother in this way" And I knew when I knew. Sometimes that can change.

quote:

If there was a distance between you, how long before you decided to meet? Did one come to the other, or was it a part-way meeting?

Whatever works. Mostly what matters is that we meet at least two months once we decide to meet. Any mature responsible adult can do that.

quote:

Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?

Master Fire Maam says that you turn the burning into fireflies :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 2

RE: Desire. - 11/11/2008 9:42:11 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

If it sounds to good to be true it is.

Best of luck. BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Desire. - 11/11/2008 10:10:52 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?

Even I did monogamy, I didn't. I just knew that we got along extremely well, our sexual drives meshed fairly well, we had similiar long-term goals and got along with each other's families and, of course, we like to make googly-eyes at each other.

quote:

Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?

Yes though I wouldn't call it the same. Things change as your relationship changes. Our relationship is vastly different than the one we had almost three years ago. It's not worse (if anything it's better) but it is different.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/11/2008 10:11:33 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 4

RE: Desire. - 11/11/2008 11:04:41 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

~fr~

I've been through similar in the last 6 years, since I came into the lifestyle. We conversed online, got on fantastically and I built dreams around how perfect we were for each other. But reality does come into it - we met and there was no chemistry. None. I was so disappointed, it wiped out the joy of the previous weeks/months.

I became more cautious, and it served me well. I began to meet sooner rather than later, and now a couple of times I've met with Doms whose 'reality' meshes with the online experience.

I would urge you to meet, and I hope that you find that real life works as well as online.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 5

RE: Desire. - 11/11/2008 11:38:21 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis
How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?

If there was a distance between you, how long before you decided to meet? Did one come to the other, or was it a part-way meeting?

Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?

I have had 3 partners I met online and we never waited more than about a month to get together in person. As to your questions, each relationship experience was different.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 6

RE: Desire. - 11/12/2008 6:56:06 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?

I've only felt this once but it was slightly different to your scenario.We had spent around 15 minutes speaking in a dungeon before we began to correspond online.

quote:

If there was a distance between you, how long before you decided to meet? Did one come to the other, or was it a part-way meeting?

We conversed online for quite along time before meeting for a 'play'date at a dungeon. So we both kind of travelled to each other, him further though lol.

quote:

Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?

In our case, hell yes. It still burns now and we stopped seeing each other about a good 12 months ago.

Just as an aside and i don't mean to be a party pooper but i have had experience where that online burning, connection etc, just does not translate into r/l. Just don't have too high expectations of a meet.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 7

RE: Desire. - 11/12/2008 7:15:43 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?

When it no longer mattered.

quote:

If there was a distance between you, how long before you decided to meet? Did one come to the other, or was it a part-way meeting?

I'm a believer in meeting sooner rather than later. I don't care to waste my time electronically, only to find that it doesn't translate face to face (or worse... the electronic presentation was a fraud). There's something entirely unrealistic about the conventional wisdom (ha!!) that suggests it's better to wait interminable periods of time.

And I've always been the one to travel to meet, given that I have the means to do so. But the circumstances of your lives should dictate how you decide to handle that... not the circumstances of other people's lives.

quote:

Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?

I have no idea what you're asking here. Presumably, most relationships have something burning somewhere.

John

< Message edited by Rover -- 11/12/2008 7:16:09 AM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 8

RE: Desire. - 11/12/2008 7:56:17 AM

Domspaintoy

Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has? Instinct, and the deep desire to please Him and only Him.

Does that desire keep burning? and yes very much so - YES, YES and YES lol!

Dpt.

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 9

RE: Desire. - 11/12/2008 9:14:07 AM

subintrainingnc

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline

when you suddenly don't want to talk with anyone else, when you see them get online your heart kinda skips a beat and when they write, you smile from ear to ear... but i am such a complete sap!!! :)

(in reply to Domspaintoy)

Post #: 10

RE: Desire. - 11/12/2008 9:24:54 AM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

I've learned to meet first before doing the whole 'falling into submission' thing. I've had several first meets that don't go anywhere due to lack of chemistry - when I would have sworn beforehand, based on pictures, im's, phone chats that everything would be great. I prefer to meet fairly quickly when I click with someone so that I know whether it's worth investing my time in getting to know him.

How do I know? It's usually pretty well based on the first meet - chemistry felt, feelings brought about, whether he's a good kisser ...lol. When I feel it's natural to call him Sir or Master (or whatever he wishes). When it feels natural to submit to him and not like I'm acting. There's a certain mushy kinda out-of-body feeling I get that leads to a strong focus on my Dominant - when I get that feeling, I know it's for real for me.

(in reply to subintrainingnc)

Post #: 11

RE: Desire. - 11/13/2008 2:32:26 AM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

IMHO, the saying that there is ONE for everyone is complete bullshit! I think there's about a thousand for everyone. Maybe we don't meet them all, but that doesn't change the fact that they are out there.

If you have found someone compatible, then GO FOR IT! Why let a good thing get away while you are busy looking for a better thing?

Please note that I'm not saying to settle for anything/anyone-I'm simply saying that many use your reason as a way to not commit!

As John Lennon so aptly said: "Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans".

Live the life, not the plan!

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 12

RE: Desire. - 11/13/2008 12:24:34 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

Submissives POV:
How did you know when there was no other? No one that could affect you as wholey as that someone has?
For me it came over time as trust built. I do not subscribe to the theory there is only one for you in a life time, human beings change and evolve based on many wonderful and horrible things. I do know we went to a higher plain when the ex tried to have me cheat on my Sir and I refused and Sir took care of it.
If there was a distance between you, how long before you decided to meet? Did one come to the other, or was it a part-way meeting?Neither Sir nor I believed in a long waiting period. But we both believed at some point in time, after emails, we would both know when it was time. He came here and now I always go there. About 30 miles.
Does that desire keep burning? Fueling actions/thoughts/words to your significant other?My experience daily is just how you identify it. There is a burning desire inside of me to do whatever is in my power to please Him, make Him proud of me, make Him happy.

Caution, you cannot maintain high endorphins for long periods of time before you take a bruising fall. Balance is very good!!

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 13

RE: Desire. - 11/13/2008 1:40:01 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

<snip>... I know, without any doubt, that lacking any sort of sexual interaction, I would still be perfectly happy and content in being His, which I have never felt before...<snip>

let us know how that works out for you after you meet in real life and you find that physically, he's the eptimay of everything that repulses you. it happens you know.

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 14

RE: Desire. - 11/13/2008 4:19:28 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

lacking any sort of sexual interaction, I would still be perfectly happy and content in being His

Considering your age, you may be at the crossing point where you exchange R/T for cyber altogether. From what you write, he is a very good manipulator. How did you get here? Doing online because you were still at home, or in a dorm room, unable to meet?

It can be a slippery slope, I know of folks, men as well as women, who become addicted to the point they are unable to do anything other than cyber - and I mean for a decade or more.

You should meet for a coffee as quickly as possible, tomorrow if you can, to ensure you maintain the reality check. Remember that (scientifically) only 7% of human communication is verbal, all the rest runs from touch and smell to facial expressions and body language. He basically replaces that remaining 93% with what happens between your ears.

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 15

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