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RE: assertive kink - 11/15/2008 10:52:33 AM

travelgman

Posts: 187
Joined: 2/1/2008
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Waves to my favorite english peson

. Sometimes your just to nice for your own good. And although one of the things I like about you is that you really do care about people. It isn't serving you any good here. Everyone has given you good advice. But as several folks have said. It simply boils down to. He isn't good for you. You feel it in your bones. And after that all the explanations in the world do not matter. Tell him as best you can and then let him go and get on with your life. I know it is your nature to let him down gently. But if he really needs that. Then he has more problems than your being nice to him can cure and really needs to learn just what kind of girl he actually wants not just what he thinks he wants.

Now if they would just move that damn ocean

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RE: assertive kink - 11/15/2008 10:24:37 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
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One of the problems with being dominant is the pursuit. By nature, pursuing a consensual relationship with someone is a submissive action. They have the power, you are trying to convince them to get to know you a lot better. To do that you must demonstrate a. you are interested in them, b. despite a, you are in fact dominant, not some whiny sub begging for their attention, and c. that you are also interesting and worth getting to know.

This is not impossible, in fact dominants do it every day. But it is not as easy as submissive, particularly sub women (as submissive men often pursue dominant women) think it is.

This causes some strange behavior, like that you are complaining about. The guy in question concentrated so much on a and b, but forgot to do c.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 11/15/2008 10:27:20 PM >

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RE: assertive kink - 11/18/2008 1:45:20 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
lally,
i didnt really read the rest of the responses, but i know the frustration of not being able to explain what is so certain on the inside...and in your mind, should be self evident to everyone. When i was with my partner and had to explain to someone that was important enough to deserve the effort of a complete explanation...and i would express myself as eloquently as i could...and i would only get a glazed over look of miscomprehension and the sound of crickets chirping in the background, i would get sooo frustrated. The fact is, that sometimes there is no way to get the other one to understand...its not even your inability to explain...its his inability to understand. Dont assume you wont be clear with the next one you need to talk to...just chalk it up to incompatibility. If he were even close to where you were intellectually or whatever, he would have at least been able to grasp at the tail of what you were saying at all.
Hows the horse?

xxooxx
perse

i suppose in a way i feel that if i can explain how a sub ticks he might have more luck finding one... but ive given up, cos as everyone has pretty much said, if he doesnt get it im never going to be able to explain it to him.

zig is fine thanks and going well, largely thanks to that cowboy youre lusting after.. (waves to midmich) xxx

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RE: assertive kink - 11/18/2008 1:51:08 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: travelgman
Now if they would just move that damn ocean

read this a couple of days ago, made me giggle - perhaps in a few millenia the plates will shift and we'll be neighbours, it happened for the dinosaurs but the other way around - if i could just find the anchor keeping england here id haul it up and sail over - not sure how gordon brown and obama would get on tho!

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