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How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 7:36:22 AM

jovonna

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After haveing a submissive give me the first telephone call,I'm not certain if I should act aggressivly on the matter or set back and wait .Yes, I am faily new. I find if I'm TOO aggresive they run. I do already have 2 subs who have been with me for a bit,but I always seek to improve. This is a question that has been on my mind and thought I would ask someone more knowledgeable than myself. Thanks already for your time.

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 7:52:27 AM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jovonna

After haveing a submissive give me the first telephone call,I'm not certain if I should act aggressivly on the matter or set back and wait .Yes, I am faily new. I find if I'm TOO aggresive they run. I do already have 2 subs who have been with me for a bit,but I always seek to improve. This is a question that has been on my mind and thought I would ask someone more knowledgeable than myself. Thanks already for your time.

I always hang back and keep it cool until after we've met and she's decided she wants to give her consent for play and I'm sure I want to have a relationship with her. It's a two edged thing. One factor is that some people just want "hot phone" and if they get it they drag out the relationship until the other person wises up and then they vanish. The other is I want to really get to know the other person and aggressive behavior sends many submissives into a role play place where they are more interested in trying to find out what pleases me and become that than giving me honest information.

The "pleasing me" comes after the consent exchange.

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 8:10:12 AM

LadyKim

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A great deal of it depends on the personality and gender of the person you are in contact with. While everyone is unique in their own right a large number of female subs want to feel wanted and taken, so an aggressive approach would work wonders. On the flip side, a large number of men enjoy the chase, so an aloof approach will keep their brain spinning on what to do next to get your attention and ultimate interest and approval. (Please note......... a said a large number...... NOT ALL!) Ask questions and find out how the submissive approaches things. Don't be overly aggressive, but don't be completely indifferent. Exchange emails on a one to one ratio until you get a better idea of what the sub needs from the dominant (kind of attention), then proceed accordingly.

Good luck,
MzKim

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 8:56:56 AM

MHOO314

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I am a tad confused, you state you are new, yet you have "subs who have been with you for a bit"--how did you find those? and what do you mean by too aggressive? we need some concrete terms, that may help us more--

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 9:23:29 AM

FTopinMichigan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jovonna
After haveing a submissive give me the first telephone call,I'm not certain if I should act aggressivly on the matter or set back and wait .Yes, I am faily new. I find if I'm TOO aggresive they run.

IMO...if they run, than perhaps they have no interest in you, or they may be too scared to be really involved in the first place. I would suggest trying to approach by being assertive then...and perhaps not with aggression.

I have found that many of the submissive men, that contact me, wait for me to do all the communicating. They wait for me to do all the work, to get the relationship started. I don't do well with this passive approach, and don't tend to pursue those that can't speak up a bit, or take even the minimum amount of initiative.

If you're attracted to the sub...go for it. Don't wait for him to make a move, because most seem too shy to step forward. Although, some don't take the initiative, out of thinking it's not respectful to 'pursue,' and others just don't have the balls. (did I say that?

)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jovonna
I do already have 2 subs who have been with me for a bit,but I always seek to improve.

So does this above statement imply that you are always seeking to better the quality of your subs, rather than help the current ones to reach a higher potential themselves? Always waiting for something/someone better to come along? Or did I read this incorrectly?

K

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 10:52:13 AM

LadyMorgynn

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I don't like to go to phone (or chat, either) until I've done some initial getting-to-know-you via email. The MAIN reason for this is that I'm trying to weed out the wannawankers who aren't seriously interested in the first place. Which is also the reason that I'm not aggressive, or dominanting, even on the phone for the first few calls at least. I want some reason to feel that the submissive is interested in entering My service, rather than just a hot phone session with someone he tricked into calling him. I don't mind if the submissive doesn't take the initiative at first as far as allowing Me to take the lead in developing the relationship, but it is nice when they do so. After all, a sub/slave should be as vitally interested in whether or not we are compatible (aside from Me Mistress-him slave) as I am, especially since it's 24/7 that I'm seeking. If he is NOT interested in anything beyond the fact that I'm a Mistress and that's all he cares about (or claims to), then he is NOT the slave for me.

Ooops, I think I got on a rant ;)

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/20/2005 1:47:58 PM

jovonna

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I did not explain myself clearly. When stating "fairly new" I meant to the area where we reside. Had my thoughts are my subs are always opened to learning and improvement if it to my liking of course. My subs have kept me quite pleased. HOWEVER, one must leave for a extended period of time to attend to serious busy at home and the other travels frquently as well. I"ve not seeking to replace either. BUT,merely commucating with others as a "prn" service. It seems the subs as I've stated shy,unsure or as you stated trying to see where I'm comming from. Ms Jovonna

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/21/2005 7:38:45 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jovonna

I did not explain myself clearly. When stating "fairly new" I meant to the area where we reside. Had my thoughts are my subs are always opened to learning and improvement if it to my liking of course. My subs have kept me quite pleased. HOWEVER, one must leave for a extended period of time to attend to serious busy at home and the other travels frquently as well. I"ve not seeking to replace either. BUT,merely commucating with others as a "prn" service. It seems the subs as I've stated shy,unsure or as you stated trying to see where I'm comming from. Ms Jovonna

This very explanation changes the entire complexion of your original post ( see everyone why we preach communication is so key)--

side note: you must be in the medical profession---"prn"

It takes time to find a good casual sub, that may be the reason and if you are opening your talks with " I have two subs now"... it can represent to new ones that you have a stable--that will send many running for the barn---food for thought--another reminder, is the search and the journey should be fun--maybe a lighter touch is needed--

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/21/2005 7:23:37 PM

jovonna

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Got me on the medical field profession LOL. However, I don't state to subs that this PERHAPS only a causal thing. As with most ,I remain forever open-minded. I will keep in mind your most valued advice and ty again.

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/27/2005 4:03:31 PM

onceburned

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AS a comment from the male sub side, I am wondering if the amount of experience or "realistic thinking" that a sub has done is important. I am of the opinion that many male subs online have no experience and haven't mentally walked through how a FemDom relationship would affect their life in a realistic manner. These novices might need to be pursued aggressively because they tend to be passive, being unsure of themselves they do not confidently interact with you.

On the other hand, guys with some experience or who have at least approached experience, might be more confident of themselves and yes, enjoy the struggle of winning your approval.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 12/27/2005 4:04:04 PM >

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/27/2005 4:59:18 PM

fastlane

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Be aggressive.........go on the attack......hound her like a Baskerville in Heat...and if all else fails...?

dial 1-900-sex4sale
and hound them...they'll listen...all night long!

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/27/2005 8:40:23 PM

veronicaofML

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hang in there

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RE: How aggresive should I be? - 12/28/2005 6:19:35 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

AS a comment from the male sub side, I am wondering if the amount of experience or "realistic thinking" that a sub has done is important. I am of the opinion that many male subs online have no experience and haven't mentally walked through how a FemDom relationship would affect their life in a realistic manner. These novices might need to be pursued aggressively because they tend to be passive, being unsure of themselves they do not confidently interact with you.

On the other hand, guys with some experience or who have at least approached experience, might be more confident of themselves and yes, enjoy the struggle of winning your approval.

Does it matter?

Well, 3 years ago if some newbie (not used negatively here) without an hour or so drive of me wanted to explore BDSM and we seemed somewhat compatible, I'd be happy to explore -- have done training for this purpose many many times.

Now though with my dissertation and my family of three adults and my publisher needing me, I just don't have time to help someone explore.

Now I'm looking for someone with enough knowledge about him/herself to know they want to provide service and with the ability to be trained and be an active slave. That requires a few years of exploration all ready -- maybe not being previously owned but at least some scenes and lots of self-reflection.

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