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Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 8:09:21 AM

RiotGirl

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Well we've talked alot about submissives with Dominant tendencies, Dominant personality traits, and even Dominant personalities. We've talked about submissives Topping and even becoming Tops themselves. We've heard about submissives only being submissive to their One, and Dominant to the rest. We've heard of submissives being in control in all other aspects of their lives.

What about the other end of the spectrum? What about Dominants with sub tendencies, sub personalities triats, sub personalities, that are submissive everywhere else BUT the bedroom. What about Dominants feeling the need to bottom? To sub? Why do i have a distinct feeling that its okay for submissives to have Dominant personality traits and not Dominants with submissive traits? Why do we hear so much about subs Topping, but not Tops bottoming?

i know its out there = )

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 8:34:23 AM

MistressFire70

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I'm a masochist for spiritual reasons. For example, I just recieved a ritual branding on my forearms. I can also be a masochist during sex...I love being bitten.

My deal is: why do we define our headspace by what we DO rather than who we ARE? I'm a Master, yet I serve, in various ways. I might not kneel in a present in front of someone...but then again, I might, if it were to serve my friends and they needed me to do that. It still doesn't make me any less of a Master. In fact, I think it makes me more.

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 9:26:17 AM

afmvdp

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There are many Dom/inas with very submissive traits that I have met over the years. In fact one of my best submissives was a Domina to everyone before and after me.

This honestly all goes back to semantics and how different people come about this life or their "lifestyle". Some view this as a role they play and as such many use it as an escapist release, someone who must be strong in life wants to be softened by another and vice versa. Others take a more naturalist approach and try to live consistently not in a role we play but in a role we live, the same to a stranger as we are to a lover or a friend.

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 11:38:43 AM

OscarHargraves

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I don't 'sub' and I don't kneel to anyone, but I do put my wife on an equal footing and allow her to make many decisions for both of us, in and out of the bedroom. I don't think that makes me any less of a Dom or a 'bottom' but some people might.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 12/20/2005 11:39:03 AM >

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 12:03:46 PM

LadyMorgynn

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Actually <ahem>, I am Dominant everywhere but the bedroom! Sexually, I am submissive. Which is why My slave will not be having sex with me ;) In fact, I am not having sex with anyone at all, since there is NO way I'm going to allow any man to dominate me and vanilla sex is just ewwwwwwwwww. So I've been celibate for years, and much happier than when I was trying to balance my submissive sexual needs with my Dominant personality. Guess who won? LOL!

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
What about Dominants with sub tendencies, sub personalities triats, sub personalities, that are submissive everywhere else BUT the bedroom.

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 12:30:23 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Right there with ya, Lady M! I would not say I am sexually submissive, but I can tell you for sure that a submissive isn't what I am looking for in the bedroom! I am also a bondage bottom, and love certain kinds of sensation play. Does that make me submissive? Not in this universe!

I am a domina, but I was raised to serve. I do many things that some would consider submissive acts, but to me they are just acts of courtesy or care for others. I know who I am, and what I am. No one is 100% anything.

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 1:35:31 PM

FangsNfeet

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quote:

What about the other end of the spectrum? What about Dominants with sub tendencies, sub personalities triats, sub personalities, that are submissive everywhere else BUT the bedroom. What about Dominants feeling the need to bottom? To sub? Why do i have a distinct feeling that its okay for submissives to have Dominant personality traits and not Dominants with submissive traits? Why do we hear so much about subs Topping, but not Tops bottoming?

There are Doms who like seeing there submissive/s happy. By this they will sometimes do favors, buy gifts, give massages, help with chores, and act kind. One example could be providing after care when a scene/session or punishment is over. If the Dom didn't have any submissive traits to please then why give any after care at all? Most reasons for contracts and aggrements are to help keep both Dom and sub happy or content. Going by a contract can imply that the dom is giving into a subs needs thus submitting somewhat to the sub. It's not a bad thing, just something that shows that the Dom has a soft spot or a caring submissive trait. Most if not every relationship requires both parties to have some compromise to make the relationship last.

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 4:14:42 PM

kyraofMists

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I don’t think anyone would mistake my Lord as having anything other than a dominant personality. However, we all take on different roles in our various relationships, parent/child, employer/employee and teacher/student. There is a power structure in each of these types of relationships and at some point during our lives we have all been a child, an employee and a student, so we have all had someone in a position of authority over us. Within the context of a D/s relationship, my Lord has never and I can never see him taking a submissive role.

As far as bottoming, it depends on your definition. We define it as the person who receives the sensation and the Top as the giver of the sensation. The Top may or may not be the one in control of what is happening. In this context, my Lord has been a bottom many times. Alandra and I will give him intense massages that do cause a certain amount of pain and then there is my personal favorite of pleasing him with a vibrator and my mouth. Of course after he looses the ability of speech, it is debatable who is in control *w* hmmmm... maybe we need to figure out some hand signals for him to use....

Knight’s kyra

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 6:00:45 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

*w* hmmmm... maybe we need to figure out some hand signals for him to use....

Knight’s kyra

mmmmmmmm I guess the handful of your hair being ripped out isn't enough of a signal... or at least it is giving you the wrong signal *G*

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 6:22:37 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

Actually <ahem>, I am Dominant everywhere but the bedroom! Sexually, I am submissive.

I was just reading over this post LadyM. I've read it like 4 times. I see alot of this one in your post. I am a very Dominant person everywhere but the bedroom. Sexually I am very submissive. But I really hate being called a bedroom sub. My new Master knows this trait in me. But understands I've had to balance so much for so long. That at least he's willing to work with me on this.

He's told me he will show me ways I can still submit to him outside the bedroom, and still keep things private from family and outsiders. Even when we're on line at the same time playing in our vanilla game leagues, he has been able to show me I can and will submit to even the smallest of things, even on line. In front of other leaguers and they not even notice. So far only 1 has picked up on this. But we believe him too be a dabbler not a active player.

With the way my Master carries himself and responds to other, I find his Dominant side to be strong and forceful. (Considering his Job he has to be). So I think him being able to be gentle with me, and work me through things needing to be worked through. I think to a point.. and I do mean small point. He's showing that he can submit to me as well. I don't think any lesser of him as my Master.

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RE: Dominants.. sub tendencies? - 12/20/2005 11:51:08 PM

mons

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i am doninant but i am i would not calll it submissive but i am not dominant to my family myu sister's none of them nor am i dominant to other women but men now that is so different i see the need to domme males but not female. i am an artist so i can see the beauty in another woman but i just and please all of the female dommes who have submissives women i find it great sexy in fact but it not for me so it is true we as dommes are not spoken in terms of having any submissives traits but we do

mons