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WhiplashSmile2 -> Pillow talk time (11/14/2008 2:32:35 AM)
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Quick Preface
Perhaps one of the biggest challenges in any D/s relationship deals with rules and expectations. A clear and consistent structure. Sure there are many boiler plate slave rules and contracts circulating all over the internet. Some of these are very entertaining at best to read. Nothing to take too seriously, in my opinion.
Anyways, I figured it was about time for me to make a post regarding one of the D/s expectations or rules that I established over the years. One that is practical in nature.
Pillow Talk Time
Time set aside at night to lay in bed together, or relax together on a couch or where ever, to be intimate without all the wild sex going on (great to do after wild sex). It's quality bonding time, without the TV running or other distractions going on. Time to have intimate conversation, to share emotions, feelings, fears, fantasies or issues.
I find this quality time works best at the Start or End of the day. Yes, this is an actual expectation or rule that I have for any D/s relationship.
I guess this can fall into the category of being a ritual practice between two people, so call it a ritual, rule or expectation. It's something I insist upon doing.
Schedule Conflicts
Some people have crazy schedules, where one is working third shift or another on first shift. This can be done when one person is waking up and the other person is unwinding going to bed. A few other good times are after meal times. Basically, it's finding a good time to make it a consistent part of the daily schedule.
Entertainment Conflicts
Some people have favorite TV shows and such. It's pretty amazing how TV and other things such as X-Box or video games take priority over many people's relationships. These can become a bit of a conflict. Options for dealing with this. To record those shows and watch them later at some other time. Trust me, you won't miss your show if you do this. Many people jump at the instant gratification of watching a new episode of their favorite tv show air at exactly 9pm (whatever time). If you record it, you won't miss a thing. It's OK to deny yourself of instant gratification, won't hurt you one bit. Also level 999 of whatever video game will still be there waiting for when you come back to it, that's what they make game save add-ons for.
Another way to work around this, is to have a different "Pillow Talk" time schedule for certain times when you do want to watch back to back TV shows for all night long. Look for a scheduled time you could do it earlier on during the day. If you partner watches these same shows, have you pillow talk time afterwords.
I'm pretty much stressing the use of common sense along with using a little self control in refraining from instant gratification at times. DOMS do not become slaves to the TV or Video games. Attempt to apply control and self discipline to yourself. Remember that you need to spend time with your submissive to reinforce the Relationship Dynamics. Take a little time out.
Heart and Soul
D/s is not all about the physical aspects of the relationship along with service submission. (with exception for those relationships that are). Inorder to DOM your submissive partners heart and soul, you need to focus some time on quality communication and intimate bonding time. Floggers and using them for fuckmeat don't get you there. These things might make for a great warm up leading to "pillow talk" time though. It's amazing at how people emotional and mentally open up to one another after Sex or Play. Take advantage of these moments. Don't worry, your favorite TV will still be there waiting for you if you recorded it, your video game will still be where you last left off if you saved it. Issues at work will still be waiting for you at work. There are an endless list of things I can say about things still being there for you, whatever those things may be.
Emotional Conflicts
Everybody is not always in the best of moods, disagreements and arguments and such happen even in D/s relationships at times. (Hate to Disillusion anybody about this one).
I'm going to stress something, if you have been engaging in having "Pillow Talk" time on a consistent and regular basis, and you and your partner are conditioned to mentally and emotionally opening up to one another on a set schedule. "Pillow Time" is perhaps the best time to "Kiss and make up". Why? Because both of you have made it a habit to bond at this time.
Who could have thought that Human Conditioning plays a role here. But it can and does for many people. Not only is the submissive conditioned to this time for opening up, so is the Dominant partner. Yes, even us Doms get Conditioned by the routines, expectations, rituals and rules that have been established in a D/s relationship.
Back to the concept of "Shaping and molding" being a two way street. I'm aware that my expectations for "Pillow Talk" time not only condition my partner it also conditions me. There have been moments when I was upset or pissed off, funny thing is that it all went by the way side when the scheduled "Pillow talk" time came around. My frame of mind was totally refocused upon things in a different light. I can honestly say the same applies to the other person.
Final thoughts
I thought I'd post something as some food for thought for other people. Take from it what you can, it's something to explore and think about. Everybody has a different method to their madness when it comes to D/s relationships. Different flavors, styles, desires, wants and needs.
I'm just sharing with other people, one of the so called (rules, expectations or rituals) that I have found great value in having in a D/s relationship. I've even noticed a negative difference if this routine or expectation slides. It's something that needs to be consistently done for it to work.
I realize many poeple are involved in 24/7 D/s relationships, where the dynamics also include husband and wife, live in boyfriend and girlfriend. Basically loving committed relationships where people sleep in the same bed together.
"Pillow Talk" time can also be applied to the other flavors and forms of D/s dynamic relationships. Just slap a different label on it, if it makes you feel better. Call it "Bonding time", call it "Our Time" or whatever else you want.
Hell you could call it "Leash and Chain time" if you want to come off all hardcore sounding about it. You can have your slave kneeling and hugging around your legs and feet while collared and leashed. Well you get the idea here. It's up to you how big of a BDSM freak you want to be while doing this. Just simply incorperate your other dynamics and practices along with it. LOL..
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